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Everyone has a story. Many have faced the demon of addiction. Some still are. Some die trying. Jed Payne shares his story of overcoming drug addiction after 18 tries at rehab and literally being brought back to life. Jed’s story gives hope to the hopeless and lets them know that their is a light at the end of the tunnel and that true freedom is absolutely possible.
Jed Payne is also one of the hosts of the podcast Church and Other Drugs. A podcast that discusses religion with a comedic edge but yet with all sincerity of heart. Check out his show here

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truth-seeker and/or its affiliates are not responsible for any strange phenomena that may occur during or after listening to this podcast which may include the following heightened senses of awareness psychic abilities UFO sightings alien contact time loss out-of-body experiences ringing in the ears ESP lucid dreaming increasing chronicity astral projection telepathy stronger intuition levitation miraculous healings and all remote viewing please be advised to assume a jury decision [Music] what you [Music] don’t you come you are now locked into the to think of any live acoustic accom your portal to the paranormal esoteric and all paying spiritual and now your host truth seeker ladies and gentlemen what’s up I’m your host true seeker we’re back with another episode and I’m excited and delighted to be with you guys again tonight on this beautiful day to share this sacred space with you we’re gonna get into all things spiritual esoteric we like to talk about this stuff and I’m gonna say it over and over again I really don’t get in too much of the conspiracy theories well maybe some people will say that the stuff we talked about is conspiracy we talk about UFOs and aliens and spiritual stuff like that but I like to kind of talk about the things that we can bring into our reality and kind of make it manifest so I don’t want to talk about all of this crazy nonsense stuff to blow people’s mind and to be way out there in left field spiritual if we can’t bring it home and help it manifest into our reality and and it can help our brothers and sisters around us and that’s what tonight’s show is gonna be talking about about bringing the spirituality home and making it manifest into our lives we’re gonna hear an awesome story tonight from a friend of mine and I’m sure you guys are in for a treat before we get to the business at hand I want to thank everyone who was supporting on patreon if you want to support my work you can head on over to patreon comm backslash truth seeker and sign up for any level of giving per month and I was $1 $5 $10 saying let the Lord use you step out in faith man let him use you you know but just a huge thank you to everybody out there who’s who’s supporting who believed in the vision and you’re getting something out of these conversations you’re getting something out of the music and essentially we’re forming community as well and so we have faced Facebook groups and just a lot of people who are connected and joined with the ministry I call it a ministry this is my life’s purpose and what I’m put here to do and I serve in people and helping people find their spot in this uh this space so thank you guys so much for for partnering with me over there I want to give a shout out to some of the latest patrons we have Stacey Digby thank you so much Stacey you’re a trouper you’ve been holding me down for a couple weeks now sending me messages in my inbox letting me know how the show has been blessing you and helping you on your spiritual journey Brett Stacey holding it down as well good brother in the Lord Jamie ruckman well he’s been around for a while let’s see who else we got that’s uh I want to make sure we don’t miss anybody I want to call everybody’s names out because they’re beautiful people so anyway that’s everybody for November and if we missed anybody let me know give you a shout out bring you on the show with that being said thank you guys so much head on over to patreon comm backslash truth seeker and we got a bunch of freebies over there you don’t only support and just walk away empty-handed you get downloads you get my entire discography which is like ten plus albums you get exclusive music I’ve got some cover songs that I worked on some nineties new metal music that I covered cold chambers oddity and little biscuits counterfeit that’s over there for download if you sign up so head on over there do that thank you guys god bless you let the Lord use you my guests for the evening is Jed Payne he is the if he’s the owner or author or one of the host of the podcast Church and other drugs podcast is that yes that’s it right Church and other networks that they actually had me on a week ago and we had a good discussion and I just kind of talked about life talked about some stories and they just let me share that space with them and say you know what let me return the favor because Jed’s got an awesome story too and this is what we do we like to talk to interesting people who have something to offer the audience and so there’s some stuff we can learn Jed’s going to school to learn how to do some things of his life’s goal and passion and in his story that’s brought him to the place he is now and we’re gonna get into that a little bit so brother welcome to the show man what’s going on thanks dude I feel like my background is not nearly as cool as yours it’s probably pretty cool man dude no no I’m talking my literal battle okay okay my literal walls I see some things bro see some things man I need to up my my background game dude you definitely do man if you’re gonna take this to the next level man and somebody commented on this piece back here this was a fan sent that to me from the UK so I Instagram she sent that to me that’s awesome it looks cool on camera he’s got cool cool trinkets and stuff man video game posters yeah but speaking of background speaking of background I want I want to start there dude I want to kind of talk a little bit about your past maybe if you want to go back to the childhood stuff some of the stuff you were dealing with there but we’re talking about addiction tonight and overcoming addiction what are some of the ways we can get out of it can we do it on our old own strengths do we need the a a higher power do we need Jesus Christ or can we just pick ourselves up by the bootstraps and walk up out of it man so I’ll tell us a little bit about about your story bro yeah man uh let’s see so I’m from South Carolina originally grew up in Columbia grew up Southern Presbyterian if that’s a thing my grandparents are Southern Baptist my parents were Presbyterian so my early memories of God right were for some reason the thing I took home took to the bank was that God was like a in God and like I was a sinner those were the two things that were most deeply rooted I think and so I had a lot of anxiety as a kid like I would constantly say the sinner’s prayer I think I’ve been baptized like four or five times I had like it just kind of I would always ask my mom like what if you know how do I know I’m not going to hell and she would always like it look you’re not going to hell if you’re asking that question like I think you’re good there’s like okay but seriously I don’t know I’m not going to hell like dressed man dude is right on this dress I already had built-in anxiety without that and then throwing that in there it turned me into like in six like sixth grade I remember cussing an earshot of a teacher right and she said like the teacher is like who said that and nobody answered and I was so scared I went home and told on myself to my mom mom don’t freak out but I said damn at school like that was the kind of like that was kind of my mindset so I’m new but was there fasting and praying involved when you told you mom that no I’ve heard no I’ve heard some of those stories really oh yeah and we need to repent together and we need to go before God yeah Oh like when they tell their mom their moms like we need to we need to fast yeah no it wasn’t that deep okay hey South Carolina man you never know man dude it well it gets that we weren’t quite like rattlesnake handling people there were some of those there oh so you know my parents never smoked never drank I have an older sister we moved when I was in sixth grade and that was like the first time in my life I didn’t really fit in I’d developed like this nervous tic where I would blink my eyes real hard and like exhale out of my nose just like a nervous tic what did you start her at all no I didn’t stutter but I would do the exhaling Adam I know I would do that I would do the harvesting that’s weird really yeah yes don’t know I I start it’s probably some of the same mechanisms so that was the first time and I really started out um but like stereotypically I just smoked because my friends were smoking they were smoking we started smoking cigarettes and then we smoked weed don’t really remember getting high my first time the first moment of like whoa was when I tripped course eat and cough medicine in high school and that was my first psychedelic experience and that really really really just blew my mind before that like my parents I’d started this cycle my parents would catch me smoking weed so you know they freaked out and started drug testing me and so I would go on the internet and find stuff that wouldn’t pass a drug test or wouldn’t fail a drug test so I’d go to the grocery store and get like Dramamine and of course eating and nutmeg and all that you never drunk bleached oh did you know I had a mom who tried that he was right he would drink little capsules of bleach – and yes he thought I don’t know if I looked it up but to clean his pee yeah I did I did calm it in my in my feet like like the literal toilet bowl cleaner that did not work and it started like a weird brown but uh so that led me to when I was 15 my first hospitalized overdose I took like 35 benadryl which is like damn yeah well it’s a yeah it’s a super potent uh it’s called a deliriant the class of drug actually like jimson weed and datura mm-hmm so I was in a psychosis for a couple days and that landed me in my first outpatient treatment center at my dad’s hospital which was super embarrassing for him oh he worked up there yeah he did human resources up there Wow so that turned out to be like just me and my buds just hanging out after school just shootin the shit and like it was all of us you know it was all my friends so like now I’m really much much healing going on there and it’s tough you know I was 15 so I was really just getting started and that was my my first encounter with 12-step programs which was kind of a joke my sponsor and in that program ended up asking me if I could find him to find them some weed yeah so I was like okay well this is kind of a joke and I used the fact that they use higher power to turn it against my mom and be like yeah oh it’s this anti-christian horrible cult thing like I don’t want to go there and she’s like okay yeah so so I just keep it keeps getting progressively worse I’m failing high school when if I senior year of high school and I’ve gotten into ecstasy and cocaine and I get it’s decided that I need to go back to rehab but I tell her I want to go to a Christian rehab so I get put on a waiting list and while I was on that waiting list I was like well I’m gonna be going to rehab so I’ve never done heroin so I think I want to try that just get it out of my system but I’m only gonna snort it wasn’t my logic yeah and then of course I’ve got the heroin and they were shooting it up and they’re like you want to shoot it up and I was like I guess so they shot me up and that was that I ended up getting Hep C from the very first needle so who’s very after-school special like literal consequences came quick which I’ll kind of explain later I think was a blessing in disguise yeah so by the time I got into that treatment center a deaf if I didn’t need to go to impatient before then I definitely did by the time I got there and it was a kind of like a maybe like a seventh day adventists place in the mountains of North Carolina this was it was much closer to rattlesnake people they had a head to FASFA nebran they they didn’t exorcism on us so listen listen to how how weird they did this like it was called deliverance class so they would all sit us in a classroom and past out CD players and we’d all put the headphones on and it was a pre-recording of the pastor’s grandfather I guess it’s this old old recording imaginary aiming at you in tongues and when you feel something you’re supposed to raise your hand and the pastor comes over and starts the process or whatever so it’s a little weird I was a little taken back but and I did it work what I think happened what this is this was this is my experience I thought I felt something raised my hand he came over the only kind of weird thing about it was when he touched my back it felt white-hot like his hand felt super super hot I didn’t really notice like a I don’t know I don’t know if anything came out or what I do think happened was the whole you kick one out and then you mess up again and seven more like there because when I left there they kind of preached okay your sins are forgiven you believe in God now you should just never do drugs again right so you’re good to go like I think I lasted like a week when I got home we did we did an episode where we talked about like how that’s kind of you got to be careful because many of these deliverance ministers go around casting demons out of just random Jos Mo’s and not setting them up with with follow ups and in that person not knowing about the whole seven times greater and what the so-called spirits do when they leave and they come back with seven entities stronger than themselves people don’t know that and you’re just like pass on yeah we prayed deliverance over that guy he’s like yeah that dude you set that dude up for a world of trouble because you didn’t walk him through it you know yeah and it it got much much worse I didn’t find out about the Hep C until two months after I’d gotten out I found out and when I found that out like I was I was like well screw it like I’m you know this is just a deaths and it’s oh I’m just gonna go out like I had the kind of that mentality I really have that almost woosh it I was the singer and I heard the screamer and a hardcore band like yeah you know the whole deal and I really like fell in love with like I remember that summer the summer we first tripped we got into the band Modest Mouse we watched requiem for a dream and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and like ever since I was a kid whatever movie I saw that week I would come home and emulate that character hey I can identify with that right man we’ll old gangster movies though like boys another Minister Society and oh that’s hilarious hilarious so I think I think I really just you know I kept that mentality and whatever I was into I’m into like and then I kind of switched things and so when I finally got to drugs like that was what I was into and I was kind of I wasn’t that I wasn’t a jock I wasn’t this I wasn’t that but what I found was that like I was good at drugs I could do more drugs than most people everybody was drinking beer but like nobody was doing coke like so I would literally like would come to school and this is like this is when this is when I think I still had a semblance of control because I kind of warped myself into it but I would go to school with my track mark showing just kind of hoping somebody would be like what’s that they’re nothing you know you know that’s stupid and what happened was so I when you’re you can’t get kicked out and it’s a weird loophole of your family’s house so I started dating an older girl I relapsed on heroin I got her on heroin and I just told my mom like well I’m leaving see you later I’m just gonna go do drugs and that’s that and we moved to Charleston South Carolina and spent the summer I got into shooting up cocaine and xanax and ruined her relationship with her stepfather because we took all his credit cards and my parents had been trying to get me to go on they ocation they kept being like hey we’re gonna go to Disney World or something and I was like ah I know exactly what you’re trying to do like you’re just gonna snatch me up and take me to rehab but at the end of the summer man it finally got bad enough myself I was like I need to I need to go back to treatment because they were trying to get me telling the excuse me back then the treatment for Hep C was like chemotherapy basically if 1 in 10 patients commit suicide as a side effect like yeah so it’s a 52-week process or whatever so I got into a long-term treatment center that’s when I moved to Louisiana went through the HEPA treat Hep C treatment got cured of that but it literally one of the sits called Pegasus interferon and I don’t know if any of the listeners maybe their family’s familiar with it it’s horrible stuff and it really really really messes your thinking up so I had a girlfriend in Baton Rouge and my ex-girlfriend that I’d done heroin with that that I’d moved out with I went on a home pass which is where they let you go I’m still in under the care of the rehab and they’ll let you go home yeah for a weekend or something yep I met up with her I ended up sleeping with her went back didn’t think anything of it a couple months later I get a call and she says she’s pregnant and that’s mine so with my head so at that point I told her you know well you need to do something about it which you know pretty much pressured her into having an abortion which ended up I mean I still one of the greatest regrets of my life but I’m just laying it out there so then I had to tell my current girlfriend that I had cheated on her and gotten her pregnant she kicked me out yeah so that was probably one of the lowest points and literally as I was walking after getting kicked out it started raining like it was just like what the fuck like this is the lowest I can ever go so that was my first suicide attempt I called all my friends and I just said well I’m gonna go try to kill myself landed me back in the hospital landed me back in treatment and that kind of just went on until I was 21 it was kind of just I started getting stuck in the rehab cycle because my parents moved away from my hometown so I didn’t really have a home to go back to I was still financially dependent on my parents so I would relapse they would call the treatment center and say what do we do and they’d say well send them back to detox and treatment and every one of my using escapades ended like in some crazy tragedy or Fiasco shortly after that I got maced and beat down in the hood by a crackhead kind of POD drugs yeah yeah I had uh you know this is when I was still naive I was just walking down to the hood my usual guy wasn’t there and this other dude was like hey you know what come smoke some rock with me and I was like sure and I went in there we were just smoking and somebody pulled up and he was like I’ll be right back I had headphones in and like I had my laptop and my backpack and all the ways thinking nothing of it not another ya ya cousin and Louisiana’s rough this is when I found out that it is and I went to light the pipe and I look up and he empties a can of mace right when I lit it and it ignited Oh God so he just torched me and then just started beating me down threw me out on the street and then it was just like white boy down and I was just having money anything for them to take I mean there’s you got the laptop and everything top I had two full prescription there’s an X and adderall yeah he got a later on at allenham yeah so that pretty much like turned into a lot of the same of just horrible tragedies happening and I like I still had this mindset where I thought I was still in control because I had cried wolf for so long because you get a lot of attention being an addict like it’s just a delight okay everything is on you cuz it’s always a crisis so whenever things are normal it’s not you know yeah and then read about you yeah everything is okay yeah absolutely I definitely see that yeah and then like you go through the cycle of I have drastic like body like weight changes so you know you go into treatment looking like death and come out and you’ve been eating good and working out and everyone’s like oh you look so good and it’s this weird cycle of ego feeding mm-hmm and the next like thing that happened of note was I was seeing a psychiatrist she had prescribed me some I started then I started like my prescription drug phase where I was getting prescribed xanax and so heavily addicted to xanax and adderall and this doctor was trying to get me up with xanax and prescribed me an anticonvulsant seizure medicine and I doubled the dose on that and so I was living I guess I’ll back up on this one there so I have so many stories so it’s hard to condense so I was living with these friends from church like God would always set me up in these situations right like I would always land on my feet and I still had faith in God through this this through everything I’m saying I still have this root of I know what I’m doing is wrong yeah yeah and that was kind of what like everyone that knew how I used drugs was just like you just you go all out on everything and it was because in my mind one day you’re gonna stop this and so you better just get it all in while you can like your friends can moderate cuz they got their whole life to do drugs but I’m gonna have to stop when I’m like 25 or something this was the delusions I had going and then a lot of it also was thinking that this life was just my theology was this life is broken just meant to be bared I’m just passing through trying to get to heaven and which you know makes for really bad decisions if that’s really what you believe so I was living with these group of people I’d met on a campus church at LSU great people I ended up moving in with these two girls from church some of my best friends I remember the night they asked me if they’re like hey we’re going to church do you want to come with us and I said no I’m gonna stay home because I had these pills I was gonna take they left I took them the last thing I remember which is like burned into my memory was I was watching man vs. wild and everything just started to shake and I woke up four days later – well I saw three figures then I’ve only been able to confirm that there was one in the room but I woke up to a man and a preacher’s outfit doing the rosary over me and where I was was I was in the intensive care unit I’d been in a coma and the pastor was going around giving rites prayers for people and when he got to me and he was doing the prayer over me I woke up that’s when I came out of the coma freaked him completely out because I just woke up I started crying asking where I was what happened though which is just out the blue know I had it would you using yeah I took these pills and ended up having what’s called like a catatonic seizure state okay where I locked up in a position and asphyxiated on my vomit and was unresponsive and the church girls are the ones that came home and found me so I was on a white leather couch and when I started having a seizure my head went forward and broke a glass table and I just started slinging blood all over their apartment all over their couch like you’ve been attacked or something yeah and so then I was in a corner locked up like this and for how long that do you know I don’t know a couple hours hours and yes stayed comatose for four days so that was and to the normal person that that would be the end of the story like oh he saw the error of his ways and and that was that but they’re like my mind was so clouded and I think the problem with my overdoses is that I didn’t get to experience them to me I went to sleep I woke up yeah but I didn’t I couldn’t see the wreck you’ve generally we got to experience that and my family got to experience my friends got to experience it you know I saw the pictures of me and it you know yeah well I guess the family ya know my best friend dirty Mike I didn’t know if the cops would do that and didn’t you’ve seen that or what no no so that started five more years I went to treatment again did really well this time stayed three months in Fernwood Mississippi and I was transferring to a sober living house in Florida I this was I was actually on a really good run of sobriety I stopped at my aunt and uncle’s house on the way to Florida and everything was fine and then I opened the bathroom cabinet and there was a giant pill bottle of oxy ATS like old-school locks the 80s and just wouldn’t you know I had three months clean but without a second thought I just took him yeah ended up missing seeing my great grandmother for the last time I was supposed to go visit her that Monday I took the oxys on Sunday got screwed up passed out they had to confront me and then my very gramma ended up dying Monday so that was just another consequence to add to the list of consequences so then I went to Florida went to another treatment center I decided not to tell them that I’d relapsed on oxys my roommate there was a dude named JEP JEP I don’t think they’ll ever forget Jed and JEP we ended up he was on methadone I stayed sober for five months there and then started taking up skateboarding a good sober hobby right and then one day I decided to try to drop into a concrete swimming pool for the first time and broke my arm like broke the shit out of my arm they took me to the hospital my buddy from AAA was with me and he was like don’t give him anything don’t give me thing and I was dude shut your mouth you need to give me something right now and as soon as they hit me with it that was a wrap and this was in Florida during the pill mill days like the doctor shopping days where they would just throw pills at you okay so I got super hooked on lortabs again ended up setting our halfway house on fire and that’s how I got kicked out he tried to cook ramen noodles with no water and passed out above them and set the kitchen on fire so me and Jeb got kicked out you did that or Jeb did yep I was always asleep yeah that was all shit but you know he they asked him where he got it and you know didn’t take him long to figure out so after that I moved back to Baton Rouge and at this point I’m done trying to get sober I’m thinking the problem is that everyone has just like if my parents this was my thing if y’all would just let if y’all just be okay with me drinking I’m 21 now you just need to accept that I’m gonna drink and if you’re like you are making this a problem if I could just drink normally everything would be fine and so they said okay um I was living in Baton Rouge in this started two years I was on I had gotten on suboxone which is the opiate replacement medicine so I wasn’t doing heroin anymore I’d stopped shooting up cocaine and I was just drinking started working I was you know of course I was selling my suboxone and my xanax in my adderall and that’s how I was surviving but I thought I was doing well and then that’s when I got introduced to crystal meth and everybody warned me about it pretty much every drug I ended up having a honeymoon period with like I was a crackhead at one time everything so this is when I got into meth and for some reason if anyone out there has an experience with amphetamines or family members that are on drugs like her speed especially crime goes hand-in-hand with it I got really into identity theft and I started I was stealing letters from people’s mailboxes and I got real big into selling stolen guns you know cuz I fancied myself some sort of badass at this point and what happened was this I take it as another god moment all the meth addicts in town hung out at a casino because that’s 24 hours a day you get free drinks you can smoke cigarettes and you can tweak out on slot machines right at the gas station No No Deal casino we’re at like the belle of Baton Rouge okay you don’t like the boats the river boats okay yeah yeah yeah yeah well they love it at the gas stations there too that’s where they got yo poker yeah those are the saddest places on earth is weird bunch of chalk office in the dark dude yes yeah so depressing so I was trying to cash a bad check didn’t work out and I look on the ground and there’s a valet ticket on the ground and I was like well okay so I pick it up I go upstairs and I hand the valet ticket to the guy he hands me a set of car keys and uh I go hop in the wrong car at first sit in that car trying start it get out hit the beeper it turns out to be a Dodge dually 2500 with a big ol insane clown posse sticker on the back yeah that was a sign that it was okay that was the move my people what great Malenko gave this to me so I get in the car and I guess I had a moment of realization I was like what are you gonna do with this car now so I drove it across the street threw the keys in it and walked home and forgot about it enter a month later my mom said she’s tell me this later she said that she was woken up in the middle of the night and she just got the overwhelming urge that she needed to let me go and so she just prayed that night she said got him I’m giving you to him it’s like two weeks later it was a Sunday morning I was selling dope so I got like three text messages like hey we’re on the way hey were on the way you know knock at the door I was like okay customer number one I open it and it’s a big old police officer oh so I try to shut the door he reads shut the door so he handcuffed my hand and turned me around and once again because I’m such a genius I had just walked around my apartment with a cock locked and loaded pistol on me so he went around to handcuff me and goes holy shit yeah I’d completely forgotten like I was so paranoid oh yeah okay y’all finally found me and he was like you remember steal a car from a casino and I was like that’s what this is about and uh he went in my apartment found all my drugs all these guns and I got arrested for the first time when did you learn bro dude all these chances this well and I thoroughly believe that was the darkest time in my life I had that was I was gonna tell you about my kind of witchcraft experience I was really into research chemical hallucinogens like to see eye to CT DMT all that all the number chemicals so I was yeah I was real real out there my apartment just had like scrawling words all over the wall like arteries everywhere yeah basically I would like scope people as they were jogging like when my friends would sleep over I would just point rifles at him when they were sleeping I had guns at my mouth all the time I was hearing voices yeah real demonic stuff I had some Wiccans living below me and I had I got hernia in my groin and she was a Reiki practitioner you familiar yeah and so I let her do Reiki on me and it actually healed my thing which you know I was always big on not using that sort of power whatever didn’t believe it in the first place but it actually healed me that kind of scared me I did something to piss them off and uh well I stole from I say I say that like I can’t believe they would be mad at me I stole from them and she sounds like my story on your show bro basically dude like she didn’t like curse me per se but she put it in my head she says there’s there’s a dark I see darkness all around you and you’re gonna get what’s coming to you sort of thing and I could know like I don’t know this it was a very very dark time in my life and I do not know how long I would have made it if I didn’t get arrested point-blank yeah I had already tried to commit vehicular suicide it did work I slammed into two cars going 50 miles an hour with no brakes walked away without without without a scratch yeah so finally landed in jail called my parents they said Oh at least we know where you are click you know that’s where it is okay yeah yeah we can sleep now we can sleep basically um so i detoxed in jail which is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life I was about 135 pounds so I definitely got screwed with real bad uh but I had three Jail was where God showed up in a tangible physical way that I hadn’t experienced in in such a long time I’d really kind of given up on God or I tried to and so this was you know of course there’s no atheists in foxholes or prison like and that’s very true so now I’m turning to God but I started working in the kitchen it sounds like it sounds so silly but you went to jail you went to prison well that’s called East Baton Rouge Parish Prison it’s kind of a mix okay it’s like a like people do time there yeah it’s the shittiest place on earth is what it it it’s awful so I was working in the kitchen as a trustee job and they start you out in the Scully washing dishes so you got to wash like four thousand dishes three times a day from 2:30 a.m. to 8:00 at night horrible job you work your way up as people get kicked out or whatever or leave so I was like well God you know I’m gonna need your help if I’m gonna do this if I’m going to survive I mean it sucked and not one minute after I prayed that the guy on the serving line reached in took a bite of a peach and threw it back in the thing of pizzas and the CEO was like Brumfield you’re off the line pain you’re moving up and he moved me to like the best job in the kitchen and first like the feeling it’s I wish I could relay it to others it sounds trivial but the feeling of I’ve never had a prayer answered like that and I rant like I had to go to the bathroom and I just broke down broke down crying because I just knew at that moment like that’s the one s moment I kind of have to remember sometimes yeah they God was real I’d like I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it and then another the other spiritual experience was I was I delivered food so that’s the guy that can get pills from the medical ward and transport stuff and you’re kind of an errand boy and I did I’d like brought someone some sugar or something and he gave me a Tylenol 3 which has codeine in it he was like here this for you and I was like no no thanks if I can’t stay sober in here then I don’t stand a chance out there and the next day they drug tested our mind and he got sent the lockdown whoa like ok so there’s a couple things that happen in there God at that point had completely removed the desire to use that’s like probably the only time in my life that really happened like that where you just supernaturally removed it and I moved it into a sober living house and things were good man what happened then was I didn’t do any maintenance on my spiritual condition I was still sleeping around I developed like pretty actual porn addiction because the guys there I wasn’t really livable Christian’s not saying Christians are the only moral people but like they were kind of all about just don’t do drugs but you can do whatever you want you know we’re still gonna like hook up with chicks and and like there was you know Playboy’s in every bathroom and stuff like that and I ended up relapsing again same old story how we looking on time we’re good okay so you have her to create them yeah yeah yeah okay see the to the people out there the opiate addicts then maybe think of switching to create them so I had never heard of it at the time mm-hmm and I reached out and got one of my best friends into the sober house is it you is it legal there yet yeah it’s legal nope they just made it illegal here oh really Alabama yeah really mm-hmm oh yeah it’s still legal here which I you know I think it should be legal I guess it has its uses but I thought it was just this my friend brought it up to me I was like what is that and he was like oh it’s basically just like coffee it’s a plant and I was like okay sure and I took it and it was definitely more than a plant and it pretty much just if sobriety is like a force field right it poked a hole in it so now like a little bit of stuff was trickling in that sounds like very similar to other people’s stories who get on kratom – I’m not smoking crack I’m not shooting meth I’m doing great well that type of deal what is that Ben’s up to like next week okay you started smoking back again well I yeah I lasted a good while but I’d then I was on a 120 dollar a day kratom habit so it was like what am i doing there and that lasted for about four months and then they caught him doing kratom and and kicked him out and of course like a good friend he didn’t want to be kicked out alone so we were added me out so on January 1st I think I was like twenty thirteen or twelve we got kicked out and the next day I went to go we were like let’s go get a beer and it’s I ordered a beer and before I even drank it I was like Who am I even kidding and left the beer and went and got some heroin I was like why am I even saying joking at this point what had happened then was I had a great aunt that I didn’t know about and I ended up with an inheritance that I read it well it wasn’t like wisely my parents had known about it for god knows don’t tell Jim ya know just like don’t tell Jed and then finally I guess they thought it was good enough they’re like okay you have this money and so in the back of my head I guess I knew I had all this money I could just see you oh man when we find jackpot uh and that you know that turned into me blowing you know a pretty decent amount of money in like a year got really bad on gambling got back on everything I was lying to my mom saying I was still at the at the sober house and I would just figure out different lies to get her to send me the money hundreds of dollars at a time and I was off insurance so going back to rehab was or at least to like any kind of good rehab was off the table at this point I finally broke down to my mom and told her and I was on probation so that was where the fear of you know we’re supposed to be getting drug tested yadda yadda yadda and I was facing a ten year suspended sentence was what I ended up getting the charge with was five years probation so I just used long enough to finally get willing to go back into treatment and the only place around there my choices at this point we’re Teen Challenge in a place called cynical or like the places where you go and work for them and I chose cynic or always saying no go ahead and I was yeah I’ve heard weird things about Teen Challenge well I’ve got I’ve got a lot of experience with teen talents not haven’t been really used to help with Teen Challenge a lot we should go out there and do music and minister and a lot of friends who’ve been through there and I was going to just say this you not be I’m saying there’s not a lot of teens there you know it’s a lot of grown men yeah yeah yeah yeah I think the youngest you’re gonna get is like 18 yeah for the most part a lot of grown man in teen town was yeah yeah and each one is like independent so like yeah it’s not you really thank God David Wilkerson the the the great preacher David Wilkerson is the one who founded that and uh my old pastor he actually graduated through Teen Challenge and went through it it’s it’s helped a lot of people man I have known people that I’ve had a counselor that graduated through it and said it was good I chose cynic or like job core maybe no it’s just a place called a c e in i Kor and I I encourage all to go to the website just just look at this place like it was awful it’s basically a place to for people to avoid prison sentences and like if you complete the program it’s a two-year program if you complete it basically whatever charge you have will be will be wiped but it is an insane behavior modification place like to the degree of like for the first 30 days you’re not allowed to quote music or movies they do the outside yeah you have to recite us the cynic or philosophy they take away your name they shave your head you number or a new name no you have to go by your government name first initial um it was this Christian or no no absolutely not no yeah so that was an experience they make like I had to go work at a like cayenne pepper seasoning Factory I built porta potties uh dude like I basically did dude it I had the duty it was hard like I had the flu and they still like the only the best thing they would give you was alka-seltzer go to work I had the flu working at a pepper factory you know just like what the hell happened to my life it has gotten me here but you know I kind of felt like okay this is kind of penance you know I’m giving back to the community you know that sort of thing I lasted four months there and I was like dude I’m out of this a left moved into another sober living house and then I met my current wife she had like eight months sober I had I don’t know maybe four at this time and we started dating I picked her up from work one day I had started taking kratom again and I think I’d done heroin like once and I picked her from work one day and she said hey I need to tell you something I was like what and she said I relapsed on heroin I was like oh do you have any more and she’s like yeah okay well just random meet you yeah just random yeah so we ended up we both moved out of our sober houses and started using together we looked on our Instagram and from we went from both being employed with cars and money in 26 days we were getting evicted because we couldn’t pull together three hundred and twenty dollars mm-hmm like and like lost everything again so we checked in treatment together stayed there I don’t know she stayed for like two weeks three weeks and her insurance ran out so they kicked her they’d you know you’re cured when your insurance runs out and so I think I followed her out relapsed again we kind of did that three times and at this point we were just panhandling by the side of the road that was our routine as we would wake up panhandling enough money to get gas drive to Walmart steal blu-rays drive to FYE sell them buy dope get high enough to not be ashamed to go back and fly a sign and like that was my life how long did y’all do that without a weekend thing was that three months yeah couple months that’s when you hit the low end that’s when everything I start learning like coming to the tip of the pyramid okay this is this is what we amount to and and you want to get caught again or sorry something’s got to change yeah and we read them but something’s got like you almost want to be locked up again just to have some ability or something right right well in it the my bottom was the finally after wanted anything to do with me at all you know sister wouldn’t answer family wouldn’t answer I ripped off the last friend that I could that I mean I was tapped nobody wanted anything and I realized one day when I it a thought occurred to me that I hadn’t even thought of God or attempted to pray in months and I like was unable to you like I would try and it seemed like there was just like a static television like just nothing really was getting through it was really a lien ating and I remember I think we got a high one time and we kind of shot up a Hail Mary prayer like you know Lord you know we really need to get sober not really even thinking anything of it so on my birthday it was August she left to go to treatment she always left before me because I could always hang out hang in there just a little bit longer um my birthday was August 25th on the 26 that had my last overdose um I got some fentanyl laced heroin shot up while I was driving over to us in the middle of the street got hospitalized brought back to life again and that was the time the so the cop moved my car out of the road onto the side of the road and I had about a gram of heroin on the gearshift and he didn’t see it or either he didn’t see it or he saw it and just had mercy on me or what but for whatever reason I didn’t get you know I would have gone to federal prison for ten years for that now it’s just kind of like okay I think this that was this is it I so me and Kaylee both moved to Lafayette and checked into rehab one last time I had no intentions of getting sober because I just didn’t think it was possible anymore this was the non-consecutive had been like three and a half years of my life but like I said I’m on my other show I I started praying I had a somewhat spiritual experience in my bunk at night where I had this dream where it felt like something was pushed into me something spiritual was pushed into me and my outlook changed after that and then the the turning point but I was still I still had my girlfriend we were doing good and I was kind of making her my higher power and they just I was moving up in the program they had given me my driver’s license back and she called me because she got out before me and she broke up with me while I was in treatment and I snapped and I went outside punched a wall and I broke my hand and my first gut thought was if this I’m leavin going to the emergency room getting some pain pills and like let’s go like screw this and I was given a moment of clarity where it was like you’re really that quick like that’s how bad this problem is that I’m willing to throw everything away in a second and I was like this is like some serious shit like real caught yourself like hold I caught myself yeah like whoa and so I went in my room and just hashed it out with God tearfully and just have this long session where I just begged him for help and when I got out I mean I worked a minimum-wage job for eight months I went to a I was really involved in 12-step fellowships aana I joined the church I went to a men’s book study on Mondays I sponsored other dudes and I basically just made sure that my only job for the first two years was just gonna be staying sober like and I’ve been sober since September 14th or September 23rd I know no I’m listening to your story and I’m like okay in and out okay after he gets out this time he sees the light Jesus comes in heals them makes all things new he’s end up right back right back okay okay the next time then we 18 different rehab centers man yeah in and out of jail and then once you hit rock bottom and it can go deeper and man it’s uh it’s what are you what what is is it autopilot that you caught yourself that let one time that you caught that thinking like and you had to you had to take that thought into captivity is what the Bible says you know anything that’s negative anything that exalts itself against the knowledge of Christ and that being you know that which is good for you and perfect for you and to catch it a hold up what the who is this no no no I can’t I can’t let that go well right well I mean what are you well I think it was I don’t think I had anything to do with with me getting sober this time like it’s I really started getting serious about my faith and God I’d always thought like I’d gotten to the point where I was asking preachers like can I just commit suicide and go to heaven like is that just a loophole that no one has figured out like that seems like I have a serious question yeah and I was essence I I was taking a poll cuz I really wanted to know before I did I just like that’s bull so my theology was really screwed up so I just started turning to God like I would turn to drugs every time I got cravings I would just find somewhere and just get on my knees I started the habit of getting on my knees morning and night I started listening that’s how I started listening to podcasts I started listening to sermons all of a sudden worship music didn’t sound so bad to me like all this stuff all this anchor synchronistic stuff just kind of started happening I developed a relationship with my dad again and who they’ve been like my mom’s faith is like why I’m alive today no doubt like there’s some about the power of women in prayer and power for your mom think there’s a boy on that you say yeah my mom wrote it that’s my coat let me ask you this though so everybody’s relationship and walks walk with God is different and depending on your denomination or your background or whatever when you would pray when you would spend time with Jesus did you feel the euphoria that we talked about like the presence of the Holy Spirit the tingling that that fire that you felt when that man put his hand on your back did you feel that anymore because for me coming out of my drug addiction and many other people its substituted with the euphoria of the Holy Spirit like a tangible high that we get for praying and spending time with Jesus like it is a sensation like when you shoot up or you take a pill and your glass out and you’re high you’d feel like you’re not here like that literally came through through prayer and fellowship with Jesus was because it’s like one took the place of the other like my weed addiction I took I smoked weed because it took me out of this reality and it brought brought me to a place where nothing else mattered and nothing mattered and so when I got born again and I felt the Holy Spirit that’s what the Holy Spirit did it brought it let me enter a realm in a place that I can essentially live in when nothing else matter but him and and put things into perspective did you have those sensations as well I did not not necessarily during prayer but it just happened in my in my walking life like it had never really happened before but I was getting struck with moments of just like like God is here like just the the chill bump inducing look around everything’s beautiful you see the Clare do you get the feeling of just like being hugged by something yeah yeah I never alone again right never alone and a weird thing of like flirting with suicide and flirting with being alone and nobody cares and then you never alone right like moving from that point to being alone and you he always wants to hang out he always wants to talk and just know about your day you can joke with God and talk to him like a friend and like a father and isn’t that isn’t that a weird place to be in from getting in I would always think about the suicide and stuff like that you know yeah and that’s just a weird theme and I mean what what what’s that like you know I’m saying I I know it you probably see you probably we said about uh what was it been like almost four years now in three years and uh so I know a lot of it probably seems removed but it’s not too far removed but know it and some people especially a lot of alcoholics will say like that they just don’t even they never think about it but I mean this this stuff I was the stuff I was doing like you just can’t shoot up crystal meth and heroin and like your body not remember that and remind you of it yeah it at least a couple times a week I’m reminded of it it doesn’t have the same teeth that it used to it’s it’s a fleeting thought it has no grip on me where it’s like oh I want to do that so bad it’s really just a biological like my brain and my body saying oh that was nice remember that look we should do that again absolutely what’s interesting though and that’s where if I do really if I have any serious thoughts of using these days it’ll just some usually just wind up to the thought processes well I want to use something something will be happening that I want to not feel why do you want to use you have to go back to rehab screw all that just kill yourself and that’s kind of the thought that’ll go I do have like clinical depression I’m on depression medicine and that’s that’s kind of my cycle so I have no delusion that I can use like a normal person that I can up tried drinking like in a woman person I’ve tried just smoking like a normal person can’t do it that’s just not in the cards for me but what I was going to say was really in this third year I think God really blessed me with being super super-close those first two years but this third year I’ve had some some serious desert periods and I think I’m having to learn how to have faith without the visceral feelings you know what I mean definitely and so that’s kind of what’s been going on lately yeah there’s many of us who talk about the feeling of getting in that you we got addicted to the the presence of the Holy Spirit like we got addicted to that euphoria where that became our drug well it’s a good job yes god it’s something beautiful you know and we would I mean it was like a daily thing or three four times a week we would get up for prayer because we want to spend time with our father and pray for one another but that that euphoria we loved it man it was just so beautiful and blissful man I mean who wouldn’t love it so there’s places in your walk that myself and many others have been where God kind of cuts that off and people won’t pray for you or you won’t feel that that spirit cause like okay you’re worshiping worship you’re worshiping the music do you still love me if you don’t feel that that feeling or do you only love me because I provide a euphoria you know I’m saying do you love it because I love you you know I’m saying or whatever and we’ve all had to kind of kind of be there where that feeling goes away for seasons or is it even real or would it you know you begin to question your faith or quite question you know what I’m saying what you’re doing and and that’s that’s part of it and I think that that I think the wilderness is uh it’s it’s definitely part of everybody’s process but uh especially especially with the feeling of like wanting that euphoria and it cuts off and okay just okay you going back to drugs you going back and yeah what what the what the 12-step program teaches which basically the the basic text of the 12-step program is just like a a manual on first century Christianity essentially like a practical like the 12 steps can work for anybody for anything doesn’t have to drugs or alcohol can just be anything but they teach that when when you don’t feel God and you’re not feeling spiritually fit but that’s when you go do something for someone else that’s when you go find someone that needs your help you know just completely get out of yourself so that’s where like I’ve known my calling is to work like my passion is with without addicts and alcoholics especially people that are consistent relapses so the past year I’ve been in school and then I finally got a job at a adolescent treatment center I’m gonna start my counselor in training soon so sup man dude oh that’s pretty I’m dude your story’s amazing a lot of people don’t make it out continue to do what you’re doing share what’s what’s working for you that’s kind of what I like to talk about on the program is like what’s working okay we’re talking about what’s not working but what what’s working how did you do it man because there’s those people who are listening now as well who have tried it and I’ve had many many guests with similar stories and they they try it and they try and they try and they fail and it’s just this never-ending cycle but I mean was it just a decision was it god I mean in in the end what was it really a perfect storm that they say when when it’s almost I don’t want to say it really is almost like everyone has a time and like that when someone’s gonna get it there’s nothing I can do you’re just gonna get it but that isn’t to say I shouldn’t try for everyone because the seeds get planted all the time but it’s just a combination of you have to be beaten down and willing willing to follow some direction and then just the basic if you’re just gonna dumb it down it’s just realize something that you were powerless against something believe that God or a higher power can save you from that turn your will over to him clean up your past make amends and help other people and that’s the dumbed down version of it and then they have people they have you know the agnostics and atheists in recovery too which I personally never understood because like if I didn’t that’s but that’s just apparently that’s a yeah because if I didn’t believe in God like oh I’m getting messed up like that’s kind of person I am but but yeah man willingness desperation fellowship accountability yeah and a lot of people a lot of people just stop doing the things that got them sober once they get sober you start getting stuff back the wife comes back you get your job again you got a house again oh I’m good you know uh you know that’s the sad thing man because I learned to never say never yeah like cuz that’s the first thing you say I’m never going back to that man God saved me set me free yeah set my feet upon solid rock I’m a new man I got a new dance I got a blue pair of shoes I’m never going back to that addiction I’m never going back to alcohol I never put another cigarette to my my lips and like those people when they say it they mean it you know and they wouldn’t even agree with this conversation no brother I’m never doing it never right I don’t I’m telling when you when you say that man I know it’s a declaration but I think you sometimes we tell God man you know I’m saying we put it out there and we can never say never bro like I got people who have similar stories to yours and mine and who were in Teen Challenge leading it teaching it married what kids come off a meth come off a dope come off a pill addiction living a good life making good money and then something happened man whatever the trigger was that pushed them over and now they’re in prison again and now that they lost their family their smoking rock they’re drinking a a bottle every night and they’re just they lost everything and that’s scary well in it’s very scary it is and what I want to say to people that go in the faith route because this is what me up for the longest time was how are these people like I’m the one that’s got the relationship with God like I know God in Jesus y’all our time at this higher power and so I had this serious arrogance about me uh-huh and I had to take a step back and realize that okay I believe in God but do my actions show that no not at all do my actions show that I trust this God I believe in no not at all so maybe you need to like shut up and listen and the thing so I believe that God gave doctors to heal people right God gave doctors to give glasses to see and that’s kind of like what this is like it’s not that I had there are the rare cases where God white light experiences changes their life and they just never touch it again that’s rare though I see programs as the method by which God heals addicts and alcoholics now there’s something can work with the fountain work yeah right right and it’s some well-meaning pastors and church folk will tell you that you just aren’t praying enough this that or the other people are and that’s why they they don’t know what it is I’ve got no friends really good friends of mine who goes to church route relapse go to a a route relapse go back to church right now they’re not going back to the church well cuz now the church people don’t want to talk to them because they’re because they’re on dope and and AAA people won’t answer their calls so they’re like what the hell do I do and they just have to figure it out for themselves and they say one thing and do another but it’s um it’s a it’s a scary cycle man many people are in it and the scary thing for me is like when I when I hit my rock bottom like I wasn’t there long you know I’m saying some people stay there for years dude okay it’s even you know they used to rock bottom and they you know I can you know what if you would have still been on side the road with those signs and no that’s that’s feels DVDs and you know blu-ray and stuff you know what I used to think that I would die and then I realized as I was watching my friends that I was gonna be the 80 year old man talking to himself shuffling down the road no that was me I told I told my family that just just in passing but that is a fear of mine when you have it on the road and you look down the window and these two homeless guys are walking down talking to the air and crazy and digging out the garbage can to get leftover pizza like that’s scary to me you know and I and that’s why I say never say never because I’m not okay something happened these guys might have been successful they might have let their addiction take over they may have lost a spouse I don’t know what happened that that set them there but I want to try to do what I can to not go that route you know I’m saying cuz that is that’s a fear man it should be your fear nobody you know right but I say you don’t and some people choose that like that’s a lifestyle they enjoy traveling they enjoy not having a job and I I did yeah it’s true and then but then I know people make good money – that’s the weird thing like that you how much money was you making an hour on side ask him asking for money I know you’re spending on my wife my wife made way more and I always told her that but it had to be good money cuz I did it I did it for him for like an hour and I was in New Orleans and my my wife who was just my girlfriend at the time she went to a presentation to work for Domino’s and so we had to go to New Orleans to do it so me and my buddy we’re hanging out and she’s in there for an hour watching the presentation so we just go to the corner and a little blood stop when we’re asking when people come to a stop at the red light were asking for money for the bus and yeah do we’re making 12 bucks an hour yeah easy we went and bought a pizza so I’m like they’re they’re making some kind of income you know yeah yeah they save it you know the older I got the more I was like this is you know because I would keep I would get an apartment things and just lose them all it goes my house and tear it down and like but you know by the end once again everything as a 27 year old was in my car that had a title loan you know like that’s it get real I’ve got I’ve got the friends who and in part of me was thinking about this man dude thank God for your family dude that oh we’re able to kind of fall back on these people for this long and and you I don’t know if they paid to put you in such treatment places man but a lot of people don’t have that to fall back on that that’s what I’m super passionate about is is that’s the main problem is there’s even when people want help if they don’t have insurance you know what are they gonna do like it’s it’s a real real real issue that needs to be addressed like and people people like Ryan Hampton he’s a activist that goes and speaks on TV and basically just like and Trump is not doing the correct like he’s trying to go back to the just say no type scare tactic stuff that just does not work and cuz I know you you did the kratom mm-hmm as a drug pretty much to get high right supposedly and they think that that’s why this whole Lobby thing is going on about them making it illegal create them illegal that is it’s actually in cases helping people come off of opiates like my friends did it instead of like they did it to get high or whether I don’t maybe some people when they do it you get high I mean essentially why would you do it you’re getting that you’re getting this you don’t saying euphoric feeling from it or something but great there’s a lot of people who were vouching for that it’s actually how they say it’s helping people get off of opiates but are they doing it instead of oh because all my friends were doing I had friends who had shops that made a lot of money just selling kratom and when it became oh yeah when it when it became illegal in Alabama they shut the shop down and cross the border to the state line to Mississippi and started in anyway they’re making they were making a killing just just selling kratom at a hate shop you know no it’s funny things ain’t people are doing it just to get high or that it really has you know it really can be used and is being used to help people I love you watched any documentaries or heard anything on the the clinical effects of actually helping but like I said the people I know we’re doing it to get messed up no yeah like I have helped people with detox plants when they ask me especially people that are trying to get off of if they have like a vicodin percocet kind of low-level opiate addictions like kratom can help with that but or here dude that’s insane it definitely shouldn’t be scheduled I mean because there’s no there’s no overdose potential you know it’s it can be used correctly I mean it’s it’s you know it’s one of those things unfortunately like because we don’t put any work into it it’s just this like a legal Street thing that people just think it’s nothing to get high but you can actually use it to get off of opiates if you use it properly and that’s a big if and then some people I mean it’s checking that out there’s a Tom’s a Tom’s magazine article it says DEA reverses the ban on herbal drug kratom still illegal in Alabama the Washington Post still is so low it is right especially Alabama like I figured y’all didn’t care medical marijuana in Florida said that it’s a thing over there now yeah and and I’m not you know I’m not one of those people that is gonna I don’t hate on people if you want to do drugs man I get it so like there’s any people that you know if you’re gonna if you’re gonna choose between alcohol and other things like I’d say drinking like kratom tea is better than that like it’s hilarious alcohol is legal when it’s yeah you’re right only drug that can cause cancer and every part of the body it touches like it’s yeah hard country it’s so particular but you know well brother up plug your podcast man let people know what you’re doing and what you’re gonna be doing in the future cuz you guys have a really cool show yeah for sure man I was on it you guys got to go listen to that episode he interview we talked about some things and stories that I don’t talk about on the podcast so you guys definitely go find my episode that I did with these guys yeah it’s a church and other drugs – on iTunes Google Play all that good stuff it’s me and my buddy Jay we’re both Christian recovered alcoholic addicts and so we kind of tried to we think the church needs to be more like a meetings and so we’re trying to start that conversation and we just have people from all different religions and we it’s a lot of my friends that I met in rehab that just tell stories like they have crazier stories than I do that’s the other cool thing is I mean I’ve traveled the country it’s weird bro and we met some again Gretel yeah as I was like man there needs to be people need to hear these stories so um yeah man it’s you know it’s entertaining and then it you know we try to definitely get see you guys got to have JEP on yeah dude like get in touch I hope he’s alive to be violent yup man fine yep reach out JEP hit him up guys yep yep so he’s actually from Alabama it sounds like it that was yeah Alabama yeah so awesome brother aye man thanks for coming on hanging out I enjoyed it enjoy sharing the space with you hearing your story man inspiration positivity out the wazoo man keep doing what you’re doing brother cool and so your situation with the girl you guys are still together everyone oh yeah yeah yeah we just made a year married and her so she has a sobriety date – three days before my yeah it’s pretty in Gretel’s awesome man okay God let him use you man I know man keep up the good work bro for sure I still own piece piece later later later that’s it ladies and gentlemen the true seeker podcast thank you guys for hanging out with me that’s what it’s about overcoming the overcomers and getting over your demons your dark past and it gets really squirrely out there in the land of addiction in dealing with with people in that arena in that realm some of the things that happen we had there were just so many mutual friends that I had coming up that we were friends just because of drugs like whether it was smoking pot we only hung out to smoke pot with these people or we only hung out to drink and it makes it puts you in some weird situations around people who you don’t know where they’re at in their head like with that the whole persona and the spirits that go along with that robbing people scheming people not having nothing trying to make something out of nothing so you got to rip somebody off and cheat somebody out of something and lying and conniving and you got a bunch of people not just you but other people who have that same mindset and that same persona man it’s it’s pretty crazy so dealing with with addiction and it’s scary man so I praise God for the people who make it out and people who make out of that stuff it’s a it’s a long hard road so much props to my brother Jed Payne Church and others drugs podcast I would check it out letting everybody know I am seeing the messages over there in the chat room everybody holding it down on YouTube I see y’all’s messages shout out to razz Adam Travis hunter-reay ASAP preach what’s up brother I seen your message would definitely get you back on soon love to have a roundtable discussion maybe you and another brother of the face maybe you and illuminate I think that might be a dope dope interview to have a roundtable with us three man that would be cool Tina and it was some more at the beginning so Carolyn so yeah man with that being said thank you guys for holding me down thank you guys for supporting the work that we’re doing and much more to come much more ahead if you want to support if you want to join the membership section head on over to patreon comm backslash true secret and there you can sign up for any level of giving per month and find perks and rewards that are there with music we’ve been working on music all evening today over here and trying to release some new music for you guys over there so all the new music that’s recorded is uploaded over at patreon so getting ready to put some more new tracks over there watchman’s album’s coming out first of the month it’s gonna be really good so with that again peace and slow man if anybody’s dealing if anybody’s struggling man I do believe in the power of prayer I believe in a positive spoken word and affirmations over one another I just pray that you guys just be be healed and whatever you’re dealing with man just know that God is enough that you can find that that place of prayer in that place of solitude with you and God and we’re talking about this euphoric place where nothing else matters but you and God and you and the Holy Spirit and let him be the lord of your life man just whatever you have anything in your life that exalts itself higher than the knowledge of God whether it be drug addiction whether it be pornography addiction whatever it is you’re dealing with that is just that monster that monkey that you can’t seem to get off your back I just pray release over your life right now and that God will bless you and keep you in every area of your life that he’ll minister to you and give you a new mind wisdom and understanding that he’ll pull out the spirit of love upon you and it’ll be tangible and everything that you’re doing you feel that sensation even now in Jesus name and I believe in it man I’m a I’m a miracle I’m a product of Prayer so with that I’m gonna say a piece of Shalom if you’re watching this on YouTube make sure you click the link in the description and subscribe on the podcast end so that you’ll never miss an episode peace peace and Shalom I love each and every one of you guys [Music] well that does it for this episode folks to hear more episodes of the truth seeker podcast head over to Jessica calm and if you’re wanting to support the show and get rewards go to our patreon page at forward slash truth seeker [Music]

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