Jed Payne | Overcoming Addictions

Jed Payne  Overcoming Addictions  The TruthSeekah Podcast
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWW5JdeNF20
Transcript source: YouTube captions

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god bless you let the Lord use you my
guests for the evening is Jed Payne he
is the if he's the owner or author or
one of the host of the podcast Church
and other drugs podcast is that yes
that's it right Church and other
networks that they actually had me on a
week ago and we had a good discussion
and I just kind of talked about life
talked about some stories and they just
let me share that space with them and
say you know what let me return the
favor because
Jed's got an awesome story too and this
is what we do we like to talk to
interesting people who have something to
offer the audience and so there's some
stuff we can learn
Jed's going to school to learn how to do
some things of his life's goal and
passion and in his story that's brought
him to the place he is now and we're
gonna get into that a little bit so
brother welcome to the show man what's
going on thanks dude I feel like my
background is not nearly as cool as
yours it's probably pretty cool man dude
no no I'm talking my literal battle okay
okay my literal walls I see some things
bro
see some things man I need to up my my
background game dude you definitely do
man if you're gonna take this to the
next level man and somebody commented on
this piece back here this was a fan sent
that to me from the UK so I Instagram
she sent that to me that's awesome it
looks cool on camera he's got cool cool
trinkets and stuff man video game
posters yeah
but speaking of background speaking of
background I want I want to start there
dude I want to kind of talk a little bit
about your past maybe if you want to go
back to the childhood stuff some of the
stuff you were dealing with there but
we're talking about addiction tonight
and overcoming addiction what are some
of the ways we can get out of it can we
do it on our old own strengths do we
need the a a higher power do we need
Jesus Christ or can we just pick
ourselves up by the bootstraps and walk
up out of it man so I'll tell us a
little bit about about your story bro
yeah man uh let's see so I'm from South
Carolina originally grew up in Columbia
grew up Southern Presbyterian if that's
a thing
my grandparents are Southern Baptist my
parents were Presbyterian so my early
memories of God right were for some
reason the thing I took home took to the
bank was that God was like a
in God and like I was a sinner those
were the two things that were most
deeply rooted I think and so I had a lot
of anxiety as a kid like I would
constantly say the sinner's prayer I
think I've been baptized like four or
five times
I had like it just kind of I would
always ask my mom like what if you know
how do I know I'm not going to hell and
she would always like it look you're not
going to hell if you're asking that
question like I think you're good
there's like okay but seriously I don't
know I'm not going to hell like dressed
man dude is right on this dress I
already had built-in anxiety without
that and then throwing that in there it
turned me into like in six like sixth
grade I remember cussing an earshot of a
teacher right and she said like the
teacher is like who said that and nobody
answered and I was so scared I went home
and told on myself to my mom mom don't
freak out but I said damn at school like
that was the kind of like that was kind
of my mindset so I'm new but was there
fasting and praying involved when you
told you mom that no I've heard no I've
heard some of those stories really oh
yeah and we need to repent together and
we need to go before God yeah Oh like
when they tell their mom their moms like
we need to we need to fast yeah no it
wasn't that deep okay hey South Carolina
man you never know man dude it well it
gets that we weren't quite like
rattlesnake handling people there were
some of those there oh so you know my
parents never smoked never drank I have
an older sister we moved when I was in
sixth grade and that was like the first
time in my life I didn't really fit in
I'd developed like this nervous tic
where I would blink my eyes real hard
and like exhale out of my nose just like
a nervous tic what did you start her at
all
no I didn't stutter but I would do the
exhaling Adam I know I would do that I
would do the harvesting that's weird
really yeah yes don't know I I start
it's probably some of the same
mechanisms so that was the first time
and I really started out um but like
stereotypically I just smoked because my
friends were smoking they were smoking
we started smoking cigarettes and then
we smoked weed don't really remember
getting high my first time the first
moment of like whoa was when I tripped
course eat and cough medicine in high
school and that was my first psychedelic
experience and that really really really
just blew my mind before that like my
parents I'd started this cycle my
parents would catch me smoking weed
so you know they freaked out and started
drug testing me and so I would go on the
internet and find stuff that wouldn't
pass a drug test or wouldn't fail a drug
test so I'd go to the grocery store and
get like Dramamine and of course eating
and nutmeg and all that you never drunk
bleached oh did you know I had a mom who
tried that he was right he would drink
little capsules of bleach - and yes he
thought I don't know if I looked it up
but to clean his pee yeah I did I did
calm it in my in my feet like like the
literal toilet bowl cleaner that did not
work and it started like a weird brown
but uh so that led me to when I was 15
my first hospitalized overdose I took
like 35 benadryl which is like damn yeah
well it's a yeah it's a super potent uh
it's called a deliriant the class of
drug actually like jimson weed and
datura mm-hmm so I was in a psychosis
for a couple days and that landed me in
my first outpatient treatment center at
my dad's hospital which was super
embarrassing for him oh he worked up
there yeah he did human resources up
there Wow so that turned out to be like
just me and my buds just hanging out
after school just shootin the [Â __Â ] and
like it was all of us you know it was
all my friends so like now I'm really
much
much healing going on there and it's
tough you know I was 15 so I was really
just getting started and that was my my
first encounter with 12-step programs
which was kind of a joke my sponsor and
in that program ended up asking me if I
could find him to find them some weed
yeah so I was like okay well this is
kind of a joke and I used the fact that
they use higher power to turn it against
my mom and be like yeah oh it's this
anti-christian horrible cult thing like
I don't want to go there and she's like
okay yeah so so I just keep it keeps
getting progressively worse I'm failing
high school when if I senior year of
high school and I've gotten into ecstasy
and cocaine and I get it's decided that
I need to go back to rehab but I tell
her I want to go to a Christian rehab so
I get put on a waiting list and while I
was on that waiting list I was like well
I'm gonna be going to rehab so I've
never done heroin so I think I want to
try that just get it out of my system
but I'm only gonna snort it wasn't my
logic yeah and then of course I've got
the heroin and they were shooting it up
and they're like you want to shoot it up
and I was like I guess so they shot me
up and that was that I ended up getting
Hep C from the very first needle so
who's very after-school special like
literal consequences came quick which
I'll kind of explain later I think was a
blessing in disguise yeah so by the time
I got into that treatment center a deaf
if I didn't need to go to impatient
before then I definitely did by the time
I got there and it was a kind of like a
maybe like a seventh day adventists
place in the mountains of North Carolina
this was it was much closer to
rattlesnake people they had a head to
FASFA nebran they they didn't exorcism
on us so listen listen to how how weird
they did this like it was called
deliverance class so they would all sit
us in a classroom and past
out CD players and we'd all put the
headphones on and it was a pre-recording
of the pastor's grandfather I guess it's
this old old recording imaginary aiming
at you in tongues and when you feel
something you're supposed to raise your
hand and the pastor comes over and
starts the process or whatever so it's a
little weird I was a little taken back
but and I did it work what I think
happened what this is this was this is
my experience I thought I felt something
raised my hand he came over the only
kind of weird thing about it was when he
touched my back it felt white-hot like
his hand felt super super hot I didn't
really notice like a I don't know I
don't know if anything came out or what
I do think happened was the whole you
kick one out and then you mess up again
and seven more like there because when I
left there they kind of preached okay
your sins are forgiven you believe in
God now you should just never do drugs
again right so you're good to go like I
think I lasted like a week when I got
home we did we did an episode where we
talked about like how that's kind of you
got to be careful because many of these
deliverance ministers go around casting
demons out of just random Jos Mo's and
not setting them up with with follow ups
and in that person not knowing about the
whole seven times greater and what the
so-called spirits do when they leave and
they come back with seven entities
stronger than themselves people don't
know that and you're just like pass on
yeah we prayed deliverance over that guy
he's like yeah that dude you set that
dude up for a world of trouble because
you didn't walk him through it you know
yeah and it it got much much worse I
didn't find out about the Hep C until
two months after I'd gotten out I found
out and when I found that out like I was
17 and I was big into like emo music so
I was like well screw it like I'm you
know this is just a deaths and it's oh
I'm just gonna go out like I had the
kind of that mentality
I really have that almost woosh it
I was the singer and I heard the
screamer and a hardcore band like yeah
you know the whole deal and I really
like fell in love with like I remember
that summer the summer we first tripped
we got into the band Modest Mouse we
watched requiem for a dream and Fear and
Loathing in Las Vegas and like ever
since I was a kid whatever movie I saw
that week I would come home and emulate
that character hey I can identify with
that right man we'll old gangster movies
though like boys another Minister
Society and oh that's hilarious
hilarious so I think I think I really
just you know I kept that mentality and
whatever I was into I'm into like and
then I kind of switched things and so
when I finally got to drugs like that
was what I was into and I was kind of I
wasn't that I wasn't a jock I wasn't
this I wasn't that but what I found was
that like I was good at drugs I could do
more drugs than most people everybody
was drinking beer but like nobody was
doing coke like so I would literally
like would come to school and this is
like this is when this is when I think I
still had a semblance of control because
I kind of warped myself into it but I
would go to school with my track mark
showing just kind of hoping somebody
would be like what's that they're
nothing you know you know that's stupid
and what happened was so I when you're
17 in South Carolina you can leave but
you can't get kicked out and it's a
weird loophole of your family's house so
I started dating an older girl I
relapsed on heroin I got her on heroin
and I just told my mom like well I'm
leaving see you later I'm just gonna go
do drugs and that's that and we moved to
Charleston South Carolina
and spent the summer I got into shooting
up cocaine and xanax and ruined her
relationship with her stepfather because
we took all his credit cards and my
parents had been trying to get me to go
on they
ocation they kept being like hey we're
gonna go to Disney World or something
and I was like ah I know exactly what
you're trying to do like you're just
gonna snatch me up and take me to rehab
but at the end of the summer man it
finally got bad enough myself I was like
I need to I need to go back to treatment
because they were trying to get me
telling the excuse me back then the
treatment for Hep C was like
chemotherapy basically if 1 in 10
patients commit suicide as a side effect
like yeah so it's a 52-week process or
whatever so I got into a long-term
treatment center that's when I moved to
Louisiana went through the HEPA treat
Hep C treatment got cured of that but it
literally one of the sits called Pegasus
interferon and I don't know if any of
the listeners maybe their family's
familiar with it it's horrible stuff and
it really really really messes your
thinking up so I had a girlfriend in
Baton Rouge and my ex-girlfriend that
I'd done heroin with that that I'd moved
out with I went on a home pass which is
where they let you go I'm still in under
the care of the rehab and they'll let
you go home yeah for a weekend or
something yep I met up with her I ended
up sleeping with her went back didn't
think anything of it a couple months
later I get a call and she says she's
pregnant and that's mine so with my head
so at that point I told her you know
well you need to do something about it
which you know pretty much pressured her
into having an abortion which ended up I
mean I still one of the greatest regrets
of my life but I'm just laying it out
there so then I had to tell my current
girlfriend that I had cheated on her and
gotten her pregnant
she kicked me out yeah so that was
probably one of the lowest points and
literally as I was walking
after getting kicked out it started
raining like it was just like what the
[Â __Â ] like this is the lowest I can ever
go so that was my first suicide attempt
I called all my friends and I just said
well I'm gonna go try to kill myself
landed me back in the hospital landed me
back in treatment and that kind of just
went on until I was 21 it was kind of
just I started getting stuck in the
rehab cycle because my parents moved
away from my hometown so I didn't really
have a home to go back to I was still
financially dependent on my parents so I
would relapse they would call the
treatment center and say what do we do
and they'd say well send them back to
detox and treatment and every one of my
using escapades ended like in some crazy
tragedy or Fiasco shortly after that I
got maced and beat down in the hood by a
crackhead kind of POD drugs yeah yeah I
had uh you know this is when I was still
naive I was just walking down to the
hood my usual guy wasn't there and this
other dude was like hey you know what
come smoke some rock with me and I was
like sure and I went in there we were
just smoking and somebody pulled up and
he was like I'll be right back I had
headphones in and like I had my laptop
and my backpack and all the ways
thinking nothing of it not another ya ya
cousin and Louisiana's rough this is
when I found out that it is and I went
to light the pipe and I look up and he
empties a can of mace right when I lit
it and it ignited Oh God so he just
torched me and then just started beating
me down threw me out on the street and
then it was just like white boy down and
I was just having money anything for
them to take I mean there's you got the
laptop and everything top I had two full
prescription there's an X and adderall
yeah he got a later on at allenham yeah
so that pretty much like turned into a
lot of the same of just horrible
tragedies happening
and I like I still had this mindset
where I thought I was still in control
because I had cried wolf for so long
because you get a lot of attention being
an addict like it's just a delight okay
everything is on you cuz it's always a
crisis so whenever things are normal
it's not you know yeah and then read
about you yeah everything is okay yeah
absolutely I definitely see that yeah
and then like you go through the cycle
of I have drastic like body like weight
changes so you know you go into
treatment looking like death and come
out and you've been eating good and
working out and everyone's like oh you
look so good and it's this weird cycle
of ego feeding mm-hmm and the next like
thing that happened of note was I was
seeing a psychiatrist she had prescribed
me some I started then I started like my
prescription drug phase where I was
getting prescribed xanax and so heavily
addicted to xanax and adderall and this
doctor was trying to get me up with
xanax and prescribed me an
anticonvulsant seizure medicine and I
doubled the dose on that and so I was
living I guess I'll back up on this one
there so I have so many stories so it's
hard to condense so I was living with
these friends from church like God would
always set me up in these situations
right like I would always land on my
feet
and I still had faith in God through
this this through everything I'm saying
I still have this root of I know what
I'm doing is wrong yeah yeah and that
was kind of what like everyone that knew
how I used drugs was just like you just
you go all out on everything and it was
because in my mind one day you're gonna
stop this and so you better just get it
all in while you can like your friends
can moderate cuz they got their whole
life to do drugs but I'm gonna have to
stop when I'm like 25 or something this
was the delusions I had going and then a
lot of it also was thinking that this
life was just my theology was this life
is
broken just meant to be bared I'm just
passing through trying to get to heaven
and which you know makes for really bad
decisions if that's really what you
believe so I was living with these group
of people I'd met on a campus church at
LSU great people I ended up moving in
with these two girls from church some of
my best friends I remember the night
they asked me if they're like hey we're
going to church do you want to come with
us and I said no I'm gonna stay home
because I had these pills I was gonna
take they left I took them the last
thing I remember which is like burned
into my memory was I was watching man
vs. wild and everything just started to
shake and I woke up four days later -
well I saw three figures then I've only
been able to confirm that there was one
in the room but I woke up to a man and a
preacher's outfit doing the rosary over
me and where I was was I was in the
intensive care unit I'd been in a coma
and the pastor was going around giving
rites prayers for people and when he got
to me and he was doing the prayer over
me I woke up that's when I came out of
the coma freaked him completely out
because I just woke up I started crying
asking where I was what happened though
which is just out the blue know I had it
would you using yeah I took these pills
and ended up having what's called like a
catatonic seizure state okay where I
locked up in a position and asphyxiated
on my vomit and was unresponsive and the
church girls are the ones that came home
and found me so I was on a white leather
couch and when I started having a
seizure my head went forward and broke a
glass table and I just started slinging
blood all over their apartment all over
their couch like you've been attacked or
something yeah and so then I was in a
corner locked up like this and for how
long that do you know I don't know a
couple hours
hours and yes stayed comatose for four
days so that was and to the normal
person that that would be the end of the
story like oh he saw the error of his
ways and and that was that but they're
like my mind was so clouded and I think
the problem with my overdoses is that I
didn't get to experience them to me I
went to sleep I woke up yeah but I
didn't I couldn't see the wreck you've
generally we got to experience that and
my family got to experience my friends
got to experience it you know I saw the
pictures of me and it you know yeah well
I guess the family ya know my best
friend dirty Mike I didn't know if the
cops would do that and didn't you've
seen that or what no no so that started
five more years
I went to treatment again did really
well this time stayed three months in
Fernwood Mississippi and I was
transferring to a sober living house in
Florida I this was I was actually on a
really good run of sobriety I stopped at
my aunt and uncle's house on the way to
Florida and everything was fine and then
I opened the bathroom cabinet and there
was a giant pill bottle of oxy ATS like
old-school locks the 80s and just
wouldn't you know I had three months
clean but without a second thought I
just took him yeah ended up missing
seeing my great grandmother for the last
time I was supposed to go visit her that
Monday I took the oxys on Sunday got
screwed up passed out they had to
confront me and then my very gramma
ended up dying Monday so that was just
another consequence to add to the list
of consequences so then I went to
Florida
went to another treatment center I
decided not to tell them that I'd
relapsed on oxys my roommate there was a
dude named JEP JEP I don't think they'll
ever forget Jed and JEP
we ended up he was on methadone I stayed
sober for five months there and then
started taking up skateboarding a good
sober hobby right and then one day I
decided to try to drop into a concrete
swimming pool for the first time and
broke my arm like broke the [Â __Â ] out of
my arm
they took me to the hospital my buddy
from AAA was with me and he was like
don't give him anything don't give me
thing and I was dude shut your mouth you
need to give me something right now and
as soon as they hit me with it that was
a wrap and this was in Florida during
the pill mill days like the doctor
shopping days where they would just
throw pills at you okay so I got super
hooked on lortabs again ended up setting
our halfway house on fire and that's how
I got kicked out he tried to cook ramen
noodles with no water and passed out
above them and set the kitchen on fire
so me and Jeb got kicked out you did
that or Jeb did yep I was always asleep
yeah that was all [Â __Â ] but you know he
they asked him where he got it and you
know didn't take him long to figure out
so after that I moved back to Baton
Rouge and at this point I'm done trying
to get sober I'm thinking the problem is
that everyone has just like if my
parents this was my thing if y'all would
just let if y'all just be okay with me
drinking I'm 21 now you just need to
accept that I'm gonna drink and if
you're like you are making this a
problem if I could just drink normally
everything would be fine and so they
said okay um I was living in Baton Rouge
in this started two years I was on I had
gotten on suboxone which is the opiate
replacement medicine so I wasn't doing
heroin anymore I'd stopped shooting up
cocaine
and I was just drinking started working
I was you know of course I was selling
my suboxone and my xanax in my adderall
and that's how I was surviving but I
thought I was doing well and then that's
when I got introduced to crystal meth
and everybody warned me about it pretty
much every drug I ended up having a
honeymoon period with like I was a
crackhead at one time everything so this
is when I got into meth and for some
reason if anyone out there has an
experience with amphetamines or family
members that are on drugs like her speed
especially crime goes hand-in-hand with
it I got really into identity theft and
I started I was stealing letters from
people's mailboxes and I got real big
into selling stolen guns you know cuz I
fancied myself some sort of badass at
this point and what happened was this I
take it as another god moment all the
meth addicts in town hung out at a
casino because that's 24 hours a day you
get free drinks you can smoke cigarettes
and you can tweak out on slot machines
right at the gas station No No Deal
casino we're at like the belle of Baton
Rouge okay you don't like the boats the
river boats okay yeah yeah yeah yeah
well they love it at the gas stations
there too that's where they got yo poker
yeah those are the saddest places on
earth is weird bunch of chalk office in
the dark dude yes yeah so depressing so
I was trying to cash a bad check didn't
work out and I look on the ground and
there's a valet ticket on the ground and
I was like well okay so I pick it up I
go upstairs and I hand the valet ticket
to the guy he hands me a set of car keys
and uh I go hop in the wrong car at
first sit in that car trying
start it get out hit the beeper it turns
out to be a Dodge dually 2500 with a big
ol insane clown posse sticker on the
back yeah that was a sign that it was
okay that was the move my people
what great Malenko gave this to me
so I get in the car and I guess I had a
moment of realization I was like what
are you gonna do with this car now so I
drove it across the street threw the
keys in it and walked home and forgot
about it enter a month later my mom said
she's tell me this later she said that
she was woken up in the middle of the
night and she just got the overwhelming
urge that she needed to let me go and so
she just prayed that night she said got
him I'm giving you to him it's like two
weeks later it was a Sunday morning I
was selling dope so I got like three
text messages like hey we're on the way
hey were on the way you know knock at
the door I was like okay customer number
one I open it and it's a big old police
officer oh so I try to shut the door he
reads shut the door so he handcuffed my
hand and turned me around and once again
because I'm such a genius I had just
walked around my apartment with a [Â __Â ]
locked and loaded pistol on me so he
went around to handcuff me and goes holy
[Â __Â ] yeah I'd completely forgotten like
I was so paranoid oh yeah okay y'all
finally found me and he was like you
remember steal a car from a casino and I
was like that's what this is about
and uh he went in my apartment found all
my drugs all these guns and I got
arrested for the first time when did you
learn bro dude all these chances this
well and I thoroughly believe that was
the darkest time in my life I had that
was I was gonna tell you about my kind
of witchcraft experience I was really
into research chemical hallucinogens
like to see eye to CT DMT all that all
the number chemicals so I was yeah I was
real real out there my apartment just
had like scrawling words all over the
wall like arteries everywhere yeah
basically I would like scope people as
they were jogging like when my friends
would sleep over I would just point
rifles at him when they were sleeping I
had guns at my mouth all the time I was
hearing voices
yeah real demonic stuff I had some
Wiccans living below me and I had I got
hernia in my groin and she was a Reiki
practitioner you familiar yeah and so I
let her do Reiki on me and it actually
healed my thing which you know I was
always big on not using that sort of
power whatever didn't believe it in the
first place but it actually healed me
that kind of scared me I did something
to piss them off
and uh well I stole from I say I say
that like I can't believe they would be
mad at me I stole from them and she
sounds like my story on your show bro
basically dude like she didn't like
curse me per se but she put it in my
head she says there's there's a dark I
see darkness all around you and you're
gonna get what's coming to you sort of
thing and I could know like I don't know
this it was a very very dark time in my
life and I do not know how long I would
have made it if I didn't get arrested
point-blank yeah I had already tried to
commit vehicular suicide it did work I
slammed into two cars going 50 miles an
hour with no brakes walked away without
without without a scratch yeah so
finally landed in jail called my parents
they said Oh at least we know where you
are click you know that's where it is
okay yeah
yeah we can sleep now we can sleep
basically um so i detoxed in jail which
is the hardest thing I've ever done in
my life I was about 135 pounds so I
definitely got screwed with real bad uh
but I had three Jail was where God
showed up in a tangible physical way
that I hadn't experienced in in such a
long time I'd really kind of given up on
God or I tried to and so this was you
know of course there's no atheists in
foxholes or prison like and that's very
true so now I'm turning to God but I
started working in the kitchen it sounds
like it sounds so silly but you went to
jail you went to prison
well that's called East Baton Rouge
Parish Prison it's kind of a mix okay
it's like a like people do time there
yeah it's the shittiest place on earth
is what it it it's awful so I was
working in the kitchen as a trustee job
and they start you out in the Scully
washing dishes so you got to wash like
four thousand dishes three times a day
from 2:30 a.m. to 8:00 at night horrible
job you work your way up as people get
kicked out or whatever or leave so I was
like well God you know I'm gonna need
your help if I'm gonna do this if I'm
going to survive I mean it sucked and
not one minute after I prayed that the
guy on the serving line reached in took
a bite of a peach and threw it back in
the thing of pizzas and the CEO was like
Brumfield you're off the line pain
you're moving up and he moved me to like
the best job in the kitchen and first
like the feeling it's I wish I could
relay it to others it sounds trivial but
the feeling of I've never had a prayer
answered like that and I rant like I had
to go to the bathroom and I just broke
down broke down crying because I just
knew
at that moment like that's the one s
moment I kind of have to remember
sometimes yeah
they God was real I'd like I knew it I
knew it I knew it I knew it
and then another the other spiritual
experience was I was I delivered food so
that's the guy that can get pills from
the medical ward and transport stuff and
you're kind of an errand boy and I did
I'd like brought someone some sugar or
something and he gave me a Tylenol 3
which has codeine in it he was like here
this for you and I was like no no thanks
if I can't stay sober in here then I
don't stand a chance out there and the
next day they drug tested our mind and
he got sent the lockdown whoa like ok so
there's a couple things that happen in
there
God at that point had completely removed
the desire to use that's like probably
the only time in my life that really
happened like that where you just
supernaturally removed it and I moved it
into a sober living house and things
were good man what happened then was I
didn't do any maintenance on my
spiritual condition I was still sleeping
around
I developed like pretty actual porn
addiction because the guys there I
wasn't really livable Christian's not
saying Christians are the only moral
people but like they were kind of all
about just don't do drugs but you can do
whatever you want you know we're still
gonna like hook up with chicks and and
like there was you know Playboy's in
every bathroom and stuff like that and I
ended up relapsing again same old story
how we looking on time we're good okay
so you have her to create them yeah yeah
yeah okay see the to the people out
there the opiate addicts then maybe
think of switching to create them so I
had never heard of it at the time
mm-hmm and I reached out and got one of
my best friends into the sober house is
it you is it legal there yet yeah it's
legal nope they just made it illegal
here
oh really Alabama yeah really mm-hmm
oh yeah it's still legal here which I
you know I think it should be legal I
guess it has its uses but I thought it
was just this my friend brought it up to
me I was like what is that and he was
like oh it's basically just like coffee
it's a plant and I was like okay sure
and I took it and it was definitely more
than a plant and it pretty much just if
sobriety is like a force field right it
poked a hole in it so now like a little
bit of stuff was trickling in that
sounds like very similar to other
people's stories who get on kratom - I'm
not smoking crack I'm not shooting meth
I'm doing great well that type of deal
what is that Ben's up to like next week
okay you started smoking back again well
I yeah I lasted a good while but I'd
then I was on a 120 dollar a day kratom
habit so it was like what am i doing
there and that lasted for about four
months and then they caught him doing
kratom and and kicked him out and of
course like a good friend he didn't want
to be kicked out alone so we were added
me out so on January 1st I think I was
like twenty thirteen or twelve we got
kicked out and the next day I went to go
we were like let's go get a beer and
it's I ordered a beer and before I even
drank it I was like Who am I even
kidding and left the beer and went and
got some heroin I was like why am I even
saying joking at this point what had
happened then was I had a great aunt
that I didn't know about and I ended up
with an inheritance that I read it well
it wasn't like wisely my parents had
known about it for god knows don't tell
Jim ya know just like don't tell Jed and
then finally I guess they thought it was
good enough they're like okay you have
this money and so in the back of my head
I guess I knew I had all this money I
could just see you
oh man when we find jackpot uh and that
you know that turned into me blowing you
know a pretty decent amount of money in
like a year got really bad on gambling
got back on everything I was lying to my
mom saying I was still at the at the
sober house and I would just figure out
different lies to get her to send me the
money hundreds of dollars at a time and
I was off insurance so going back to
rehab was or at least to like any kind
of good rehab was off the table at this
point
I finally broke down to my mom and told
her and I was on probation so that was
where the fear of you know we're
supposed to be getting drug tested yadda
yadda yadda and I was facing a ten year
suspended sentence was what I ended up
getting the charge with was five years
probation so I just used long enough to
finally get willing to go back into
treatment and the only place around
there my choices at this point we're
Teen Challenge in a place called cynical
or like the places where you go and work
for them and I chose cynic or always
saying no go ahead and I was yeah I've
heard weird things about Teen Challenge
well I've got I've got a lot of
experience with teen talents not haven't
been really used to help with Teen
Challenge a lot we should go out there
and do music and minister and a lot of
friends who've been through there and I
was going to just say this you not be
I'm saying there's not a lot of teens
there you know it's a lot of grown men
yeah yeah yeah yeah I think the youngest
you're gonna get is like 18 yeah for the
most part a lot of grown man in teen
town was yeah yeah
and each one is like independent so like
yeah it's not you really thank God David
Wilkerson the the the great preacher
David Wilkerson is the one who founded
that and uh my old pastor he actually
graduated through Teen Challenge and
went through it it's it's helped a lot
of people man I have known people that
I've had a counselor that graduated
through it and said it was good
I chose cynic or like job core maybe no
it's just a place called a c e in i Kor
and I I encourage all to go to the
website just just look at this place
like it was awful
it's basically a place to for people to
avoid prison sentences and like if you
complete the program it's a two-year
program if you complete it basically
whatever charge you have will be will be
wiped but it is an insane behavior
modification place like to the degree of
like for the first 30 days you're not
allowed to quote music or movies they do
the outside yeah you have to recite us
the cynic or philosophy they take away
your name they shave your head you
number or a new name no you have to go
by your government name first initial um
it was this Christian or no no
absolutely not no yeah so that was an
experience they make like I had to go
work at a like cayenne pepper seasoning
Factory
I built porta potties uh dude like I
basically did dude it I had the duty it
was hard like I had the flu and they
still like the only the best thing they
would give you was alka-seltzer go to
work I had the flu working at a pepper
factory you know just like what the hell
happened to my life it has gotten me
here but you know I kind of felt like
okay this is kind of penance you know
I'm giving back to the community you
know that sort of thing I lasted four
months there and I was like dude I'm out
of this a left moved into another sober
living house and then I met my current
wife
she had like eight months sober I had I
don't know maybe four at this time and
we started dating I picked her up from
work one day I had started taking kratom
again and I think I'd done heroin like
once and I picked her from work one day
and she said hey I need to tell you
something I was like what and she said I
relapsed on heroin I was like oh do you
have any more and she's like yeah okay
well just random meet you yeah
just random yeah so we ended up we both
moved out of our sober houses and
started using together we looked on our
Instagram and from we went from both
being employed with cars and money in 26
days we were getting evicted because we
couldn't pull together three hundred and
twenty dollars mm-hmm like and like lost
everything again so we checked in
treatment together stayed there I don't
know she stayed for like two weeks three
weeks and her insurance ran out so they
kicked her they'd you know you're cured
when your insurance runs out and so I
think I followed her out relapsed again
we kind of did that three times and at
this point we were just panhandling by
the side of the road that was our
routine as we would wake up panhandling
enough money to get gas drive to Walmart
steal blu-rays drive to FYE sell them
buy dope get high enough to not be
ashamed to go back and fly a sign and
like that was my life how long did y'all
do that without a weekend thing was that
three months yeah couple months that's
when you hit the low end that's when
everything I start learning like coming
to the tip of the pyramid okay this is
this is what we amount to and and you
want to get caught again or sorry
something's got to change
yeah and we read them but something's
got like you almost want to be locked up
again just to have some
ability or something right right well in
it the my bottom was the finally after
27 years there was no one left that
wanted anything to do with me
at all you know sister wouldn't answer
family wouldn't answer I ripped off the
last friend that I could that I mean I
was tapped
nobody wanted anything and I realized
one day when I it a thought occurred to
me that I hadn't even thought of God or
attempted to pray in months and I like
was unable to you like I would try and
it seemed like there was just like a
static television like just nothing
really was getting through it was really
a lien ating and I remember I think we
got a high one time and we kind of shot
up a Hail Mary prayer like you know Lord
you know we really need to get sober not
really even thinking anything of it so
on my birthday it was August she left to
go to treatment she always left before
me because I could always hang out hang
in there just a little bit longer
um my birthday was August 25th on the 26
that had my last overdose um I got some
fentanyl laced heroin shot up while I
was driving over to us in the middle of
the street got hospitalized brought back
to life again and that was the time the
so the cop moved my car out of the road
onto the side of the road and I had
about a gram of heroin on the gearshift
and he didn't see it or either he didn't
see it or he saw it and just had mercy
on me or what but for whatever reason I
didn't get you know I would have gone to
federal prison for ten years for that
now it's just kind of like okay I think
this that was this is it I so me and
Kaylee both moved to Lafayette and
checked into rehab one last time I had
no intentions of getting sober because I
just didn't think
it was possible anymore this was the
18th rehab I'd been - oh yeah like
non-consecutive had been like three and
a half years of my life but like I said
I'm on my other show I I started praying
I had a somewhat spiritual experience in
my bunk at night where I had this dream
where it felt like something was pushed
into me something spiritual was pushed
into me and my outlook changed after
that and then the the turning point but
I was still I still had my girlfriend we
were doing good and I was kind of making
her my higher power and they just I was
moving up in the program they had given
me my driver's license back and she
called me because she got out before me
and she broke up with me while I was in
treatment and I snapped and I went
outside punched a wall and I broke my
hand and my first gut thought was if
this I'm leavin going to the emergency
room getting some pain pills and like
let's go like screw this and I was given
a moment of clarity where it was like
you're really that quick like that's how
bad this problem is that I'm willing to
throw everything away in a second and I
was like this is like some serious [Â __Â ]
like real caught yourself like hold I
caught myself
yeah like whoa and so I went in my room
and just hashed it out with God
tearfully and just have this long
session where I just begged him for help
and when I got out I mean I worked a
minimum-wage job for eight months I went
to a I was really involved in 12-step
fellowships aana I joined the church I
went to a men's book study on Mondays I
sponsored other dudes and I basically
just made sure that my only job for the
first two years was just gonna be
staying sober like and I've been sober
since September 14th or September 23rd
2014 yeah man that's a long story
I know no I'm listening to your story
and I'm like okay in and out okay after
he gets out this time he sees the light
Jesus comes in heals them makes all
things new
he's end up right back right back okay
okay the next time
then we 18 different rehab centers man
yeah in and out of jail and then once
you hit rock bottom and it can go deeper
and man it's uh it's what are you what
what is is it autopilot that you caught
yourself that let one time that you
caught that thinking like and you had to
you had to take that thought into
captivity is what the Bible says you
know anything that's negative anything
that exalts itself against the knowledge
of Christ and that being you know that
which is good for you and perfect for
you and to catch it a hold up what the
who is this no no no I can't I can't let
that go well right well I mean what are
you well I think it was I don't think I
had anything to do with with me getting
sober this time like it's I really
started getting serious about my faith
and God I'd always thought like I'd
gotten to the point where I was asking
preachers like can I just commit suicide
and go to heaven like is that just a
loophole that no one has figured out
like that seems like I have a serious
question yeah and I was essence I I was
taking a poll cuz I really wanted to
know before I did I just like that's
bull
so my theology was really screwed up so
I just started turning to God like I
would turn to drugs every time I got
cravings I would just find somewhere and
just get on my knees I started the habit
of getting on my knees morning and night
I started listening that's how I started
listening to podcasts I started
listening to sermons all of a sudden
worship music didn't sound so bad to me
like all this stuff all this anchor
synchronistic stuff just kind of started
happening I developed a relationship
with my dad again and who they've been
like my mom's faith is like why I'm
alive today no doubt
like there's some about the power of
women in prayer and power for your mom
think there's a boy on that you say yeah
my mom wrote it that's my coat let me
ask you this though
so everybody's relationship and walks
walk with God is different and depending
on your denomination or your background
or whatever when you would pray when you
would spend time with Jesus did you feel
the euphoria that we talked about like
the presence of the Holy Spirit the
tingling that that fire that you felt
when that man put his hand on your back
did you feel that anymore because for me
coming out of my drug addiction and many
other people its substituted with the
euphoria of the Holy Spirit like a
tangible high that we get for praying
and spending time with Jesus like it is
a sensation like when you shoot up or
you take a pill and your glass out and
you're high you'd feel like you're not
here like that literally came through
through prayer and fellowship with Jesus
was because it's like one took the place
of the other like my weed addiction I
took I smoked weed because it took me
out of this reality and it brought
brought me to a place where nothing else
mattered and nothing mattered and so
when I got born again and I felt the
Holy Spirit that's what the Holy Spirit
did it brought it let me enter a realm
in a place that I can essentially live
in when nothing else matter but him and
and put things into perspective did you
have those sensations as well I did not
not necessarily
during prayer but it just happened in my
in my walking life like it had never
really happened before but I was getting
struck with moments of just like like
God is here like just the the chill bump
inducing look around everything's
beautiful you see the Clare do you get
the feeling of just like being hugged by
something yeah yeah I never alone again
right never alone and a weird thing of
like flirting with suicide and flirting
with being alone and nobody cares and
then you never alone right like moving
from that point to being alone and you
he always wants to hang out he always
wants to talk and just know about your
day
you can joke with God and talk to him
like a friend and like a father and
isn't that isn't that a weird place to
be in from getting in I would always
think about the suicide and stuff like
that you know yeah and that's just a
weird theme and I mean what what what's
that like you know I'm saying I I know
it you probably see you probably we said
about uh what was it been like almost
four years now in three years and uh so
I know a lot of it probably seems
removed but it's not too far removed but
know it and some people especially a lot
of alcoholics will say like that they
just don't even they never think about
it but I mean this this stuff I was the
stuff I was doing like you just can't
shoot up crystal meth and heroin and
like your body not remember that and
remind you of it yeah it at least a
couple times a week I'm reminded of it
it doesn't have the same teeth that it
used to it's it's a fleeting thought it
has no grip on me where it's like oh I
want to do that so bad it's really just
a biological like my brain and my body
saying oh that was nice remember that
look we should do that again
absolutely what's interesting though and
that's where if I do really if I have
any serious thoughts of using these days
it'll just some usually just wind up to
the thought processes well I want to use
something something will be happening
that I want to not feel why do you want
to use you have to go back to rehab
screw all that just kill yourself and
that's kind of the thought that'll go I
do have like clinical depression I'm on
depression medicine and that's that's
kind of my cycle so I have no delusion
that I can use like a normal person that
I can up tried drinking like in a woman
person I've tried just smoking like a
normal person can't do it that's just
not in the cards for me but what I was
going to say was really in this third
year I think God really blessed me with
being super
super-close those first two years but
this third year I've had some some
serious desert periods and I think I'm
having to learn how to have faith
without the visceral feelings you know
what I mean definitely and so that's
kind of what's been going on lately yeah
there's many of us who talk about the
feeling of getting in that you we got
addicted to the the presence of the Holy
Spirit like we got addicted to that
euphoria where that became our drug well
it's a good job yes god it's something
beautiful you know and we would I mean
it was like a daily thing or three four
times a week we would get up for prayer
because we want to spend time with our
father and pray for one another but that
that euphoria we loved it man it was
just so beautiful and blissful man I
mean who wouldn't love it so there's
places in your walk that myself and many
others have been where God kind of cuts
that off and people won't pray for you
or you won't feel that that spirit cause
like okay you're worshiping worship
you're worshiping the music do you still
love me if you don't feel that that
feeling or do you only love me because I
provide a euphoria you know I'm saying
do you love it because I love you you
know I'm saying or whatever and we've
all had to kind of kind of be there
where that feeling goes away for seasons
or is it even real or would it you know
you begin to question your faith or
quite question you know what I'm saying
what you're doing and and that's that's
part of it and I think that that I think
the wilderness is uh it's it's
definitely part of everybody's process
but uh especially especially with the
feeling of like wanting that euphoria
and it cuts off and okay just okay you
going back to drugs you going back and
yeah what what the what the 12-step
program teaches which basically the the
basic text of the 12-step program is
just like a a manual on first century
Christianity essentially like a
practical like the 12 steps can work for
anybody for anything doesn't have to
drugs or alcohol can just be anything
but they teach that when when you don't
feel God and you're not feeling
spiritually fit but that's when you go
do something for someone else that's
when you go find someone that needs your
help
you know just completely get out of
yourself so that's where like I've known
my calling is to work like my passion is
with without addicts and alcoholics
especially people that are consistent
relapses so the past year I've been in
school and then I finally got a job at a
adolescent treatment center I'm gonna
start my counselor in training soon so
sup man dude oh that's pretty
I'm dude your story's amazing a lot of
people don't make it out continue to do
what you're doing share what's what's
working for you that's kind of what I
like to talk about on the program is
like what's working okay we're talking
about what's not working but what what's
working how did you do it man because
there's those people who are listening
now as well who have tried it and I've
had many many guests with similar
stories and they they try it and they
try and they try and they fail and it's
just this never-ending cycle but I mean
was it just a decision was it god I mean
in in the end what was it really a
perfect storm that they say when when
it's almost I don't want to say it
really is almost like everyone has a
time and like that when someone's gonna
get it there's nothing I can do you're
just gonna get it but that isn't to say
I shouldn't try for everyone because the
seeds get planted all the time but it's
just a combination of you have to be
beaten down and willing willing to
follow some direction and then just the
basic if you're just gonna dumb it down
it's just realize something that you
were powerless against something believe
that God or a higher power can save you
from that turn your will over to him
clean up your past make amends and help
other people and that's the dumbed down
version of it
and then they have people they have you
know the agnostics and atheists in
recovery too which I personally never
understood because like if I didn't
that's but that's just apparently that's
a yeah because if I didn't believe in
God like oh I'm getting messed up like
that's kind of person I am but but yeah
man willingness desperation fellowship
accountability yeah and a lot of people
a lot of people just stop doing the
things that got them sober once they get
sober you start getting stuff back the
wife comes back you get your job again
you got a house again oh I'm good you
know uh you know that's the sad thing
man because I learned to never say never
yeah like cuz that's the first thing you
say I'm never going back to that man God
saved me set me free
yeah set my feet upon solid rock I'm a
new man I got a new dance I got a blue
pair of shoes I'm never going back to
that addiction I'm never going back to
alcohol I never put another cigarette to
my my lips and like those people when
they say it they mean it you know and
they wouldn't even agree with this
conversation no brother I'm never doing
it never right I don't
I'm telling when you when you say that
man I know it's a declaration but I
think you sometimes we tell God man you
know I'm saying we put it out there and
we can never say never bro like I got
people who have similar stories to yours
and mine and who were in Teen Challenge
leading it teaching it married what kids
come off a meth come off a dope come off
a pill addiction living a good life
making good money and then something
happened man whatever the trigger was
that pushed them over and now they're in
prison again and now that they lost
their family their smoking rock they're
drinking a a bottle every night and
they're just they lost everything and
that's scary well in it's very scary it
is and what I want to say to people that
go in the faith route because this is
what
me up for the longest time was how are
these people like I'm the one that's got
the relationship with God like I know
God in Jesus y'all our time at this
higher power and so I had this serious
arrogance about me uh-huh and I had to
take a step back and realize that okay I
believe in God but do my actions show
that no not at all do my actions show
that I trust this God I believe in no
not at all so maybe you need to like
shut up and listen and the thing so I
believe that God gave doctors to heal
people right God gave doctors to give
glasses to see and that's kind of like
what this is like it's not that I had
there are the rare cases where God white
light experiences changes their life and
they just never touch it again that's
rare though I see programs as the method
by which God heals addicts and
alcoholics now there's something can
work with the fountain work yeah right
right and it's some well-meaning pastors
and church folk will tell you that you
just aren't praying enough this that or
the other people are and that's why they
they don't know what it is I've got no
friends really good friends of mine who
goes to church route relapse go to a a
route relapse go back to church right
now they're not going back to the church
well cuz now the church people don't
want to talk to them because they're
because they're on dope and and AAA
people won't answer their calls so
they're like what the hell do I do and
they just have to figure it out for
themselves and they say one thing and do
another but it's um it's a it's a scary
cycle man many people are in it and the
scary thing for me is like when I when I
hit my rock bottom like I wasn't there
long you know I'm saying some people
stay there for years dude okay it's even
you know they used to rock bottom and
they you know I can you know what if you
would have still been on side the road
with those signs and no that's that's
feels DVDs and you know blu-ray and
stuff you know what I used to think that
I would die and then I realized as I was
watching my friends
that I was gonna be the 80 year old man
talking to himself shuffling down the
road no that was me I told I told my
family that just just in passing but
that is a fear of mine when you have it
on the road and you look down the window
and these two homeless guys are walking
down talking to the air and crazy and
digging out the garbage can to get
leftover pizza like that's scary to me
you know and I and that's why I say
never say never because I'm not okay
something happened these guys might have
been successful they might have let
their addiction take over they may have
lost a spouse I don't know what happened
that that set them there but I want to
try to do what I can to not go that
route you know I'm saying cuz that is
that's a fear man
it should be your fear nobody you know
right but I say you don't and some
people choose that like that's a
lifestyle they enjoy traveling they
enjoy not having a job and I I did yeah
it's true and then but then I know
people make good money - that's the
weird thing like that you how much money
was you making an hour on side ask him
asking for money I know you're spending
on my wife my wife made way more and I
always told her that but it had to be
good money cuz I did it I did it for him
for like an hour and I was in New
Orleans and my my wife who was just my
girlfriend at the time she went to a
presentation to work for Domino's and so
we had to go to New Orleans to do it so
me and my buddy we're hanging out and
she's in there for an hour watching the
presentation so we just go to the corner
and a little blood stop when we're
asking when people come to a stop at the
red light were asking for money for the
bus and yeah do we're making 12 bucks an
hour yeah easy we went and bought a
pizza so I'm like they're they're making
some kind of income you know yeah yeah
they save it you know the older I got
the more I was like this is you know
because I would keep I would get an
apartment things and just lose them all
it goes my house and tear it down and
like but you know by the end once again
everything
as a 27 year old was in my car that had
a title loan you know like that's it get
real I've got I've got the friends who
and in part of me was thinking about
this man dude thank God for your family
dude that oh we're able to kind of fall
back on these people for this long and
and you I don't know if they paid to put
you in such treatment places man but a
lot of people don't have that to fall
back on that that's what I'm super
passionate about is is that's the main
problem is there's even when people want
help if they don't have insurance you
know what are they gonna do like it's
it's a real real real issue that needs
to be addressed
like and people people like Ryan Hampton
he's a activist that goes and speaks on
TV and basically just like and Trump is
not doing the correct like he's trying
to go back to the just say no type scare
tactic stuff that just does not work and
cuz I know you you did the kratom mm-hmm
as a drug pretty much to get high right
supposedly and they think that that's
why this whole Lobby thing is going on
about them making it illegal create them
illegal that is it's actually in cases
helping people come off of opiates like
my friends did it instead of like they
did it to get high or whether I don't
maybe some people when they do it you
get high I mean essentially why would
you do it you're getting that you're
getting this you don't saying euphoric
feeling from it or something but great
there's a lot of people who were
vouching for that it's actually how they
say it's helping people get off of
opiates but are they doing it instead of
oh because all my friends were doing I
had friends who had shops that made a
lot of money just selling kratom and
when it became oh yeah when it when it
became illegal in Alabama they shut the
shop down and cross the border to the
state line to Mississippi and started in
anyway they're making they were making a
killing just just selling kratom at a
hate shop you know
no it's funny things ain't people are
doing it just to get high or that it
really has you know it really can be
used and is being used to help people I
love you watched any documentaries or
heard anything on the the clinical
effects of actually helping but like I
said the people I know we're doing it to
get messed up
no yeah like I have helped people with
detox plants when they ask me especially
people that are trying to get off of if
they have like a vicodin percocet kind
of low-level opiate addictions like
kratom can help with that but or here
dude that's insane it definitely
shouldn't be scheduled I mean because
there's no there's no overdose potential
you know it's it can be used correctly I
mean it's it's you know it's one of
those things unfortunately like because
we don't put any work into it it's just
this like a legal Street thing that
people just think it's nothing to get
high but you can actually use it to get
off of opiates if you use it properly
and that's a big if and then some people
I mean it's checking that out there's a
Tom's a Tom's magazine article it says
DEA reverses the ban on herbal drug
kratom still illegal in Alabama the
Washington Post still is so low it is
right especially Alabama like I figured
y'all didn't care medical marijuana in
Florida said that it's a thing over
there now yeah and and I'm not you know
I'm not one of those people that is
gonna I don't hate on people if you want
to do drugs man I get it so like there's
any people that you know if you're gonna
if you're gonna choose between alcohol
and other things like I'd say drinking
like kratom tea is better than that like
it's hilarious alcohol is legal when
it's yeah you're right
only drug that can cause cancer and
every part of the body it touches like
it's yeah hard country it's so
particular but you know well brother up
plug your podcast man let people know
what you're doing and what you're gonna
be doing in the future cuz you guys have
a really cool show yeah for sure man I
was on it you guys got to go listen to
that episode he interview we talked
about some things and stories that I
don't talk about on the podcast so you
guys definitely go find my episode that
I did with these guys yeah it's a church
and other drugs - on iTunes Google Play
all that good stuff
it's me and my buddy Jay we're both
Christian recovered alcoholic addicts
and so we kind of tried to we think the
church needs to be more like a meetings
and so we're trying to start that
conversation and we just have people
from all different religions and we it's
a lot of my friends that I met in rehab
that just tell stories like they have
crazier stories than I do that's the
other cool thing is I mean I've traveled
the country it's weird bro and we met
some again Gretel
yeah as I was like man there needs to be
people need to hear these stories so um
yeah man it's you know it's entertaining
and then it you know we try to
definitely get see you guys got to have
JEP on yeah dude like get in touch I
hope he's alive to be violent yup man
fine yep reach out JEP hit him up guys
yep yep so he's actually from Alabama it
sounds like it that was yeah Alabama
yeah so awesome brother
aye man thanks for coming on hanging out
I enjoyed it enjoy sharing the space
with you hearing your story man
inspiration positivity out the wazoo man
keep doing what you're doing brother
cool and so your situation with the girl
you guys are still together everyone oh
yeah yeah yeah we just made a year
married and her so she has a sobriety
date - three days before my
yeah it's pretty in Gretel's awesome man
okay God let him use you man I know man
keep up the good work bro for sure I
still own piece piece later later later
that's it ladies and gentlemen the true
seeker podcast thank you guys for
hanging out with me that's what it's
about overcoming the overcomers and
getting over your demons your dark past
and it gets really squirrely out there
in the land of addiction in dealing with
with people in that arena in that realm
some of the things that happen we had
there were just so many mutual friends
that I had coming up that we were
friends just because of drugs
like whether it was smoking pot we only
hung out to smoke pot with these people
or we only hung out to drink and it
makes it puts you in some weird
situations around people who you don't
know where they're at in their head like
with that the whole persona and the
spirits that go along with that robbing
people scheming people not having
nothing trying to make something out of
nothing so you got to rip somebody off
and cheat somebody out of something and
lying and conniving and you got a bunch
of people not just you but other people
who have that same mindset and that same
persona man it's it's pretty crazy so
dealing with with addiction and it's
scary man so I praise God for the people
who make it out and people who make out
of that stuff it's a it's a long hard
road so much props to my brother Jed
Payne Church and others drugs podcast I
would check it out letting everybody
know I am seeing the messages over there
in the chat room everybody holding it
down on YouTube I see y'all's messages
shout out to razz Adam
Travis hunter-reay ASAP preach what's up
brother I seen your message would
definitely get you back on soon
love to have a roundtable discussion
maybe you and another brother of the
face maybe you and illuminate I think
that might be a dope dope interview to
have a roundtable with us three man that
would be cool
Tina and it was some more at the
beginning so Carolyn so yeah man with
that being said thank you guys for
holding me down thank you guys for
supporting the work that we're doing and
much more to come much more ahead if you
want to support if you want to join the
membership section head on over to
patreon comm backslash true secret and
there you can sign up for any level of
giving per month and find perks and
rewards that are there with music we've
been working on music all evening today
over here and trying to release some new
music for you guys over there so all the
new music that's recorded is uploaded
over at patreon so getting ready to put
some more new tracks over there
watchman's album's coming out first of
the month it's gonna be really good so
with that again peace and slow man if
anybody's dealing if anybody's
struggling man I do believe in the power
of prayer I believe in a positive spoken
word and affirmations over one another I
just pray that you guys just be be
healed and whatever you're dealing with
man just know that God is enough that
you can find that that place of prayer
in that place of solitude with you and
God and we're talking about this
euphoric place where nothing else
matters but you and God and you and the
Holy Spirit and let him be the lord of
your life man just whatever you have
anything in your life that exalts itself
higher than the knowledge of God whether
it be drug addiction whether it be
pornography addiction whatever it is
you're dealing with that is just that
monster that monkey that you can't seem
to get off your back I just pray release
over your life right now and that God
will bless you and keep you in every
area of your life that he'll minister to
you and give you a new mind wisdom and
understanding that he'll pull out the
spirit of love upon you and it'll be
tangible and everything that you're
doing you feel that sensation even now
in Jesus name and I believe in it man
I'm a
I'm a miracle I'm a product of Prayer so
with that I'm gonna say a piece of
Shalom if you're watching this on
YouTube make sure you click the link in
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episode
peace peace and Shalom I love each and
every one of you guys
well that does it for this episode folks
to hear more episodes of the truth
seeker podcast head over to Jessica calm
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