Lisha Antiqua | Transforming Trauma To Achieve Your Dreams | TruthSeekah Podcast

Lisha Antiqua | Transforming Trauma To Achieve Your Dreams | TruthSeekah Podcast
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPSAQjuCGOg
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man I'm excited about today's podcast
we're gonna be talking about as always
all things spiritual we try to leave no
stone unturned we try to get to the
bottom of it all and I believe like on
the road to your destiny on your journey
you have to deal with some of those
obstacles and setbacks and things in
your life that kind of play a part of
the journey like they if we look at this
thing like it's allegory there's things
that come up and there's monsters and
trials and tribulations whether it's the
the hero's journey or the story of Star
Wars or the story of Jesus like there's
always these obstacles and the child
should be Latian and the rebirth and
then being sent forth out and then
doubting yourself and all of this stuff
we're gonna be talking about that we're
gonna be talking about trauma dealing
with that and how to overcome it and be
able to use it to get to where you need
to be they say all the stones that
people are throwing at you keep them
because you're gonna need that to build
your castle so all of the things that's
happened to you tend to not really be a
victim of it but be a victor and use it
to your benefit the scripture says that
what the enemy meant for your harm God
will in turn use for your goods so we're
gonna be talking about that I want to
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thanks les true seeker
yes so without further ado I'm gonna
bring on today's guest and try my best
not to butcher her name list Lissa
antica that's it I said it
opposed to what I wanted to say
Leisha Antiqua because the way it's done
I'm sorry but I got it right I mean
welcome to the show my friend how are
you I'm good thank you so much jerk for
having me hey everybody thank you for
having me I am here to serve
really excited to show up fully and and
excited for this conversation Derek yeah
heck yeah we tried to make this happen
probably about a month or two ago when I
was set for vacation it was just hard to
kind of get everything rolling so thanks
for hanging with me and pushing it back
and still coming on to make it happen
everything happens in this perfect time
and I believe and it's gonna be a good
show absolutely yeah divine timing so
yellow with trauma we're gonna talk
about that I mean and you know the
things that have happened to us we've
been a victim of and like a lot of
people probably the majority of people
don't even know that they're dealing
with this and if they're making opinions
and they're making decisions based off
of things that happened to them even
when they were children and stuff like
that so I've went through some what was
called in the Christian realm
deliverance ministry where you go back
and just do like a life review and they
ask you questions and have you ever been
messed with by an uncle or whatever and
have you ever believed these type of
Lies have you ever thought in your mind
and so it really goes through the
ancestral lineage and dealing with all
of it man and just kind of releasing it
and speaking healing to it all and it
really changed my life and there's
different forms of that right I found
out over the years I approached that
through the Christian Church and it was
real beautiful but there's other
practices that essentially do the same
thing just kind of speaking healing to
those different traumatic things that
have happened to us or these different
lies that we've just come to believe I
want to really unpack that but first
just kind of give a you know background
about what you do what you bring to the
table and why this is so near and dear
to your heart so it's I mean this is
said that but like I could go on forever
really about why it's near and dear to
my heart
but basically I feel like we have all
come here for a reason like we matter
Raheja we matters we wouldn't be born
it's a miracle that we're even born and
biblically like a seven generations back
right we hold we hold this carmen or dog
Mar drama
or sins of our fathers right and so in
order to release that we've had
different times and I feel like we we're
at this precipice in in the world right
now where we get to unpack and we get to
release all those things and it might
not have been like spiritually or
soulfully available in the past but now
we know enough about how the physical
body works our mental mindset we know
enough about co-creating and universal
laws and all this stuff in order to
consciously and beyond theoretically go
back and like truly change our genetics
change our belief systems change the
sins of our fathers and reclaim a
beautiful life for ourselves where maybe
a hundred years ago they didn't have all
the tools they might have had all the
tools but it was kind of a fluke
now there's actual science and it's like
a methodology behind pretty much with
the Bible or any other great book has
been teaching forever that's like oh
this can work so it's not just if you
find the right past or you find the
right counselor you find the right
person like anybody can really go and if
they have the courage unpack their their
life history their patterns
I'm usually its childhood stuff that's
truly impactful except sometimes we take
on the our father mother's behavior
later in life and just forming on belief
systems that are just in our unconscious
brain because we were just somehow
taught that when we were a kid but we
didn't even know that we agreed to that
being how life works and then we attract
that into our lives so for me personally
I had that tumultuous childhood and in
different six different areas of my life
I've pretty much gone through a death of
some sort like literally like faced
death like nearly being hurt killed
through cancer
taken out mentally through CPT SG like
through through it all myself in order
for when I feel God to help me learn how
to heal these things so I can help
others so that's really the first 20
years of my life and then the last 20
years of my life have been really
studying the sciences and the the
religion and the awareness around who we
are how we are and how to put the pieces
of us back together so we can claim the
kingdom of heaven within so bold since
you're being so Bulldog result we're
gonna put it out there because it's
about like anchoring heaven to earth
so everybody matters I believe we're all
one body and I like to think of myself
as in the heart yeah I'm a cell in the
heart I'm walking around go and I want
to be like the best heart cell ever and
help my other heart cells be stronger
heart sail
so the the world just has more of an
opportunity to grow I don't know the
answer your question but oh yeah
yeah sure I mean it answers a question
din it but then it opens up a whole
bunch of more questions
I usually don't prepare too much for it
for interviews like sometimes the
companies will send me a long list that
you have to you have to ask all these
questions or whatever and it's like I
just want to have a conversation you
know so you know you um said let you do
your opening unpack and then I've got
seven questions just right out of that
that I genuinely want to ask and want to
know right so you're talking about how
maybe a hundred years ago they had it
but they didn't really know how to do it
do you think that a lot of this stuff is
new because even with some of this stuff
that you just talking about the the
wording and it was in the holy books and
they've all talked about this stuff I
guess we went through like these dark
ages or whatever where it just wasn't
accepted or whatever so I guess the
question is do you think
that a lot of this is new obviously the
science of like the scientific community
proving it is maybe something new but
this is something very old that our
ancestors already knew about healing and
going within and releasing and stuff
like that right yeah I mean Jesus was
doing it
ya know none of it is new I think it's
just more we get this opportunity to to
play in a more mainstream and I think
everybody has the capability of doing it
now it's not because you're special or
you're some Anointed One or you're some
saint like I think that it's really
about everybody claiming our own space
and allowing ourselves to learn how to
honor each other as equal as equals
getting over all the OSHA special he's
special stuff and and allowing us all to
just be unique and amazing where belief
system wise maybe we weren't ready for
that 100 years ago now how studied or
familiar or familiar are you with the
path of Jesus and Christ is that a route
you take are you studied in that is that
or just the Yoga Sutras in the Bible I
did a 10-year study on how the own
sutures in the Bible compare word for
word if they agree or disagree so to say
I've spent a little time in the Bible
would for sure
alright so that's so it just leaves me
that up okay so I'm okay with like kind
of bridging this next question then so
like a lot of lightworkers a lot of
healers a lot of people who do what you
do they come from that type of
background right they've been abused
they've had they've been forgotten
they've been lied to they've been made
to feel like the scum of the earth
they've had to really deal with some
deep trauma and then they find healing
whether it's through the church whether
it's through religion or whatever they
really find this healing through
a higher power or Christ or God or
whatever past it is but they find
healing there and so they spend the rest
of their life doing two things I believe
one trying to feel like they owe a debt
to society like I was a bad person for
the majority of my life I abused in my
body abused others and blah blah blah so
they want to live the rest of their life
trying to undo the wrong that they've
done like a debt to society just it's
like an inward thing or they they have
an empathy because they know how people
feel who have been through all of that
stuff that they've been through they
know the the what depression feels like
they know what having these you know
mental anxieties and disorders and
things feel like so they're working with
a natural empathy to undo that like
that's a given every every Lightworker
every hero I've had on here they've come
from that not saying that there's none
who didn't because this is the preface
for my question for you what do you
think was in Jesus versus just being the
Son of God and hey I came with this
mission I'm gonna help you guys do you
think that he might have had some of
that stuff going on that kind of lit a
fire within and within him to help
people and to be compassion or was he
just born loving everyone and that kind
of stuff because I feel like that's
something that trait that we all have in
common is we want to help because we've
been through stuff we're looking at just
the life of Jesus specifically do you
think that I know this is kind of a
weird thing to explore but yeah thank
you I don't know what he went through
but I'll tell you what like his brothers
and him like they were on the outs for a
bit right it said that he was sent away
to Egypt and the monastery impossibly
India and and studying because he was in
schooling to be not only a shepherd and
a you know but also a pastor a leader in
in Judaism and so I don't know what
really happened because there's no
documentation Luis
three right but I feel like something
had to happen though right like there
was like whether he nobody took him
seriously I mean that we see traces of
that I mean he would go in the cities
and they would be like man this is Jesus
a carpenter you saying the carpenter is
the Messiah he can you know he's a
regular person like us you know and from
the beginning they wanted to kill him
I'm King Harold wanted to kill him kill
him
yeah it was great yeah oh can you
imagine just walking through that life
not knowing who or what you did or not
even feeling like you deserved any of
that right there'd be a lot of abuse
where Kings wanted to do you away Kings
wanted to find you enough so that your
parents would send you away yeah well
yeah until there was the census right
and then you come back and then you like
just start preaching can you feel like
you feel a little crazy you feel like
something was a little off
even if within him he he went out and
they did all this stuff and he had that
deep connection with with God the Father
like and then awareness within himself
and even if he came into existence 2,000
years ago awake right this knowing that
he is one with the father and the father
is one with him I mean for me there was
five or six years where I think I'd have
a Bible I'm you're like okay what's what
am I supposed to do and plop John 17 I'm
the father here one with the father
right the prayer for all of us to
realize we're all like him right we're
all one with the father but he he
accepted that he embodied that where we
fight it right we fight it and then we
do the proving I'm not good enough and
when we're raised in a toxic environment
I hate where um maybe your parents are
absent
maybe your parents are messed up on
their own drugs not taking
responsibility for their
maybe they're abusive maybe they're
overly controlling and condemning and
critical whatever whatever the story is
that you go through your own walk it
makes us not feel good enough so not
feeling good enough I know for me is
something that's constantly like like
there's there's the wall there it is and
um we get to look at and I think it's
really the toxic relationship that most
people have with society where if we did
take on what God knew right no matter
what people said he's hanging on the
cross saying forgive me Lord like maybe
at that moment he had some doubt maybe
not but he was also like they don't know
what they do they they don't know they
don't know that they're not seeing me he
had this conviction within himself of of
seeing himself and we get to have that
same conviction ourselves and so to have
that same conviction is to acknowledge
that we are enough despite of whatever
happened
and from there it is the path of healing
that that he had that personal trust
with his relationship with the father
father mother God however you want to
call it and when we have that conviction
then we have less of the challenge if
I'm not enough and answering to that
which is what creates that proving that
you were talking about or like the
making up for the world or the world
owes me right because it's the two
different spectrums
let me ask you about this what do you
think that tree yours have to deal with
pointing out the trauma because for me
it's kind of like a formula for me like
the triggers let us know you know we're
we're not healed at well we have an open
wound when you touch an open wound it it
hurts it's very painful versus you know
touching scar tissue or something that's
been healed up for years but if you
touch an open wound you kind of you jump
right you feel it what does triggers
have to do with finding out where your
trauma centers are personally from
walking to triggers myself and help my
clients walk to triggers I feel like
they come up the old triggers okay so
like somebody pisses you off or
something like that's different like if
it's in the moment that's different I'm
talking like the old triggers where
you're like why did I just react that
way to that right like where you're
jumping out of your skin um they show up
because we're ready to heal them I
believe they show up when we have the
coping skills on some level in order to
heal it and part of it is about having
forgiveness for ourselves when we do
that overreaction we act like that five
year old seven year old 12 year old 13
year old and we kind of blow up having
that forgiveness and the other piece is
like well how can I handle it next time
what does that look like because what
tends to happen especially with trauma
clients is and childhood trauma clients
there is a toxic shame that comes before
the PTSD that is the reaction to the
trigger right so when somebody is
triggered I believe that is your
unconscious and subconscious brain your
spirit saying it's now time to look at
this you have the strength you have the
power to look at this and unpack it and
rewire your brain reclaim your body and
heal through allow
your motions to flow and then recede
your soul that's really the formula
reclaim that space in your house right
and but before we can do that instead of
reacting to the trigger and then beating
ourselves up and going backing the story
back into the shame back into the
feeling oh my god I'm doing this again
just realizing oh I'm seeing this story
that happened when I was 11 and or
whatever again right now and I'm
reacting to it
because I couldn't then but oh this
means I'm safe this means I can let that
trauma go this means I now have the
coping skills to look at this problem
and then having that courage like you
said in the beginning to dive into that
story right whether it be with somebody
in church or a counselor or coach or
somebody like myself right that can hold
that space for you to then unpack that
suitcase put your clothes away and
reclaim the suitcase like a flame your
space so do you think that this is a I
guess this is opening a can of worms
there's some people who are just dead
set and they know the answer like I know
we can take those things and use them
for our good right the things that were
used against us and obviously you you're
doing what you're doing now obviously I
was saying because of what happened to
you and you found healing and now you
want to help people experience that same
healing myself as well I tell people all
the time like most of the stuff I talk
about on the podcast is me talking to
the younger version of myself listening
to the podcast 10-15 years ago 20 years
ago you know giving them wisdom hey this
is what you need it and they say you
know you need to be the you that that
you know you need it you need to be the
person that you need it when you were
younger and because those people are out
there and they're listening do you think
when we bring God into the mix or
whatever do you think that these things
in our lives are
intentional I mean I know it's
opposition which helps build character
and build strength and stuff like that
but when it comes to a lot of the very
traumatic stuff whether it's molestation
or rape or something people would say
you know how could God allow this to
happen to me and I blame God for that
versus you know seeing the trauma and
using it for your own good I guess you
have to say that on the other side like
once you find healing but I know not
everybody even comes to that conclusion
like there's this shaking my fist that
God that my mother died when I was
younger whatever it hardship it is how
do you reconcile the two there well I
just did a YouTube video on the uran
University YouTube page about shame
about blame right and and blame just
takes our power away blame is still a
victim and when we blame God we're still
blaming outside of ourselves unless
we're blaming the internal God it came
to map heaven within the seed of God
within ourselves right and then from
that place taking responsibility for for
some reason on some crazy friggin soul
level like we were supposed to go
through that maybe it's to make up for
something that happened maybe it's to
learn from an experience maybe it's to
who knows right and entrust ourselves to
move through that that shame the other
thing is is we're not like it gets said
it's okay to be angry at God but like
you tell anybody that supposedly knows
God that you're pissed at God and they
want to fix it right away
mm-hmm right then what if I could come
in and pray over you and and heal you
and you must be full of Satan and you
must be full of this and that you know
what [Â __Â ] that excuse my language but
God's totally cool with me being pissed
at him yeah like you're totally cool
and if I hide that because of some sort
of shame or because I'm proving myself
to look good or proving myself Christian
and off or proving myself like it
doesn't get to the core of it right so
what problem would it be to be like why
did you sign me up for this as I meant I
cannot believe I went through that how
like you know do you think that I mean
Jesus might have been a little pissed or
as long on that cross yeah he was saying
hold on there's another way to do this
there's another way to do this we could
do this you know I'm sure yeah they
don't want to get their heads cut off
right yeah there's some looks like down
right like coming out how many how many
things like like no but do we have to go
through that Margar ism no the time of
martyr ism is over that's why Jesus died
so we're hanging onto this martyr ISM
right and because it's like we're proud
of it and it's approving of our love for
God it's like a proving that we're good
enough and then when we experience the
hardships the martyrs and then
everything we [Â __Â ] about it because we
think we look bad and then we have to
prove to the people the church whatever
that we martyr than us and that really
God was behind it but then we can't be
angry at God right because we have to be
peaceful and loving so it's like this
this thing and the truth of the matter
as far as I go as um the kingdom of
heaven is within we're all one right
we're all one with the Father we're all
brothers and sisters in Christ and no
matter your faith or religion no matter
your occupation no matter if you've been
a total scum what if I'm gay
you're a priest or you're gay period
period in the story okay if the
prostitutes can cut it and so can the
tax collectors I'm sure
he had a gay person there and they just
forgot to talk about they were [Â __Â ]
sheep you know like he was like please
don't go out in the fields and have sex
with the Sheep guys right did he say
like is that a thing I think it's in
Deuteronomy but yes okay like he's do
not oh yeah oh yeah back then that there
was super permit effect of just doing
all kind of weird stuff follow those
rules like don't have some so yeah I
mean it's it's not segregated and I
think that's a beautiful thing about
Jesus so my point is it's okay to be
angry I don't I feel like we're trained
to prove and prove improve and me trying
to prove my Christianity me trying to
prove that I'm coming from a good place
and me trying to prove myself in any way
has never really worked Jesus couldn't
even prove so yeah so just why don't we
just give up and trust that inner
knowing of self and if part of your walk
is being angry with God like fully own
it
God's cool with it yeah but realize that
that anger with God is anger with
yourself because you're one with God for
sure you do with that anger with
yourself and then the healing is gonna
happen because once we can admit
anything once we accept anything then we
have power over it mm-hmm it's those
shadows as darkness that ickiness that
what happened that we didn't want to
happen the shame it's the toxic shame
that blocks us from acceptance yeah like
you don't you um you can't you don't
really have control over what happens to
you especially as a kid but you have
control over how you respond to it and
what you say how you deal with it
there's a scripture in the Bible that
says God is not the author of confusion
and a lot of Christians love that if
they're confused I'm leaving because
it's not the off the author of this I've
been in some weird situations where
they're trying to talk about the
scriptures and they're just confused and
they just leave because their God is not
the author you know I see it you know
saying the Lord is one he's one overall
he's sovereign God is not the author
there are spirits that he dispatches
under him that are the authors of
confusion but he allows it it's under
his umbrella right to bring things out
of you to teach us to make sure that we
you know faith without works is dead you
know all of this kind of stuff that
happens but confusion for me has been
very beautiful because until you're in
this this state of confusion you're not
going to seek out the answers and so
when you're in this place of darkness
and you don't know which way is up you
don't know which way is down and you're
just confused then you're gonna start
looking and asking for the answers if
you don't ask the questions you'll never
get the answers and I believe that God
positions us in such a way through
hardship through trials and running into
brick walls and nothing working until we
go through him which is the right
channel did we start finding the answers
to the questions that we have and it's
okay to voice them and vocalize them I
remember the first time I heard that
what you just said being angry and the
first time I heard a worship leader talk
about that to a small group their
worship leader in church very awesome
people annoying it and there was a
couple and his wife got pregnant and
what her body was going through the
changes and belly was expanding but
there was no child in her stomach and
they were just like in this crazy
traumatic place and he shook his fist at
God and he told us he's like you know
what I cursed got out and I told him f
you and you mother you know he just gave
it everything he's sorry and he said in
that the release that came and God
embraced him and was able to show him
that think the minut things within us
that we can't see beyond the veil that's
being worked out within us so it's like
being in this place of confusion to be
able to vocalize how you really tell us
how you really feel right and God wants
to know he already knows it but he wants
us to go through this place where we can
vocalize it in
even in vocalizing it you're getting it
out confessing your sins one to another
so that you may find healing there's
power in just getting it out right yeah
I mean it's mandatory and oftentimes we
hold things in or we sugarcoat it or we
we say it one way in order to please
somebody else and and it it doesn't work
or try to please God right and it
doesn't work it turns into cancer it
turns into a mess it turns into
fibromyalgia the funky autoimmune
disease is ease right it dis ease within
the body it turned more of sir physical
body because not this body like yeah it
it like locks up your shoulders or
throws your knees out and you begin
seeing evidence of where your blocks in
other areas of your life usually
physically Hey and so that's why I come
back to acceptance it's really hard to
accept some of the crap [Â __Â ] that
happens to us right and yet at the same
time when we're able to do that then we
can vocalize we can shift that and then
we have the will of God yeah and our own
will because we're here in this paradigm
of polarity to really step into knowing
how to be masters of this world and this
world is earth not heaven so how do we
anchor that heaven on earth
we learn how to live in the polarity and
the polarity how to balance it out is
through deliverance really is through
accepting and admitting our our faults
yeah yes but I have to have a friend of
mine who's you know pretty pretty near
and dear to my heart who listens to the
podcast and
he once hit me up and said something
about the way I talk about the Bible and
the allegory and the symbolism and stuff
like that I guess thinking that I'm
negating what's happened in the
scriptures or whatever but it's like I
feel like God is honored by us saying
how we really feel right versus acting
like we don't believe something right
question at all hey and if we don't then
we don't come to our own conclusion
essentially I mean what Christianity is
it's having faith right there's a faith
in there as part of you that has to
admit that you don't know right and you
embrace it by faith yeah it's open love
right yeah it's different than having
everything just laid out in front of you
because then you don't have to you don't
have to have that faith everything is
proven it's just right there and you you
don't believe in the unseen you believe
in what you can see and that's not faith
you know in the scripture says without
faith it's impossible to please God yeah
so it's it's a very personal journey and
when it comes to the trauma trauma
confuses period and looking looking at
just you know Jesus's walk like that be
confusing it be very confusing so just
David God doesn't work in the confusing
yeah I does like he brought in a
bazillion angels to like wipe out
Babylon or whatever and like that's kind
of confusing to you he's the epitome or
the definition of order AB came down
right when you get that download of what
you're supposed to do that next nodes
like there's a certainty that we have
when it feels clear
and so that particular passage that you
quoted to me means that like through the
confusion God is going to make it clear
but to be confused isn't necessarily
you're doing devil's work or you're a
bad person or it's not another reason to
hang on your victim hat and hang on your
shaming hat to hang on your I'm more
Christian than you hat right yeah yep we
gotta get take a quick commercial break
and when we come back I'm gonna talk
about some of the spiritual practice
meditation yoga I mean there's a whole
umbrella of things that we can do - what
would I believe walk in the spirit right
as the Bible says there's these
practices you do that you will not
fulfill the lust of the flesh you will
not be easily triggered and those type
of things I want to hear some of the
things that you bring to the table and
explore explore that a little bit and
how we can deal with traumas that way as
well so we're gonna go to a quick
commercial break and we'll be right back
so the encountering Jesus the hem of His
garment meditation man if you guys are
familiar with the story in the Bible
with the woman with the issue of blood
you're pretty much coming at it from her
perspective so you translate it back to
ancient Jerusalem 2000 years ago and
you're walking through the streets
now there's ambience we have voice
actors and all of these things that
you're encountering people walking
through the streets and as you're moving
through the crowded streets there's
things on the left and on the right
they're trying to get your attention
there's vendors trying to sell you
things there's groups of ladies that you
meet who are trying to pull you off the
road they're trying to gossip about you
you see all of this stuff going on but
you see Jesus straight ahead and you're
just trying to focus on Jesus with all
of these different distractions that are
coming and the different distractions
that I put in there was something that
God translated to me that people were
dealing with and some of it was stuff
that I have conquered in my own life
that I was able to just to kind of start
rolling with it when the Lord told me to
go there but it's dealing with gossip
it's dealing with slander backbiting
inconsistency and getting pulled off the
path so as you're going through the
meditation you're being ministered to
for some of these areas in your life
that we've all struggled with so again
you're pushing further you see Jesus
ahead of you just know that all you got
to do is get close to him everybody's
fighting for his attention and you just
know you just got to get close enough
just to say hello just close enough if
he can see me I've just got to touch
them
and so you go in and I don't want to
give it away but you go in and you
encounter the love of Christ you
encounter Jesus he ministers to you and
it's just this beautiful encounter that
you have and it's about 16 minutes but
as you have this encounter I've also
created these meditations so that you
can just kind of keep going as you go in
you're already deep into the trance
State you can kind of keep going with
the encounter so the music continues to
go for an hour
so this testimonies about people who are
going in and they're encountering Jesus
they're encountering God they're
encountering angels and really just
getting downloads from the father's
heart for their self so I urge you to
check it out
the encountering Jesus the hem of His
garment meditation and I guarantee that
you'll be blessed from checking it out
a new sound is springing forth join us
for the Christ consciousness conference
in Mobile Alabama with truth Sica justin
caldwell and gothic mystic September the
14th at 6 p.m. at the Mobile Center for
Spiritual Living
musical performances teaching and
lectures sound and color healing
activation and impartation meditation
and trends dream interpretation and
symbolism a time of refreshing prayer
meditation teaching and activation all
are welcome to attend regardless of
religious affiliation or spiritual
background to encounter the presence of
God in a deeper way get taken editor
today at Christ
- consciousness com we look forward to
seeing you there
alright ladies and gentleman we are back
so quick plug on these meditations that
we got going on which have been
phenomenal like we're getting like the
feedback that I'm getting with these
meditations has just taken what I do to
the next level on like a creative level
and then going in to find healing like
they're literally in some of those
meditations like thinking of this thing
that you want to bring to Jesus like yet
scenario it's the woman with the issue
of blood she's had this ailment in her
body where she's bleeding internally for
years and they couldn't be healed any
any other way but she knew that if she
got close enough to touch Jesus she
would be healed and so even in that
they're like you know at the beginning
of setting you up to just see something
that you want to bring to him whether
it's fear rejection doubt my dreams
never accomplishing my dreams
he's just hype dream just almost
taunting me with my dreams right you
bring it before God in inwardly as you
go through this meditation you find
healing and I know meditation is
something that's near and dear to your
heart as well talk about how it is from
your perspective that's how it is from
our perspective we're creating these
encounters with God and with the divine
to go in and as you experience in your
mind and in your psyche like people are
really finding here absolutely I think
you got a held it like there's different
forms of meditation I remember years ago
when I stood when I started and this
study really going through the Bible
with a fine-tooth comb from front to
back and there's like underlying every
time that it said meditation and like
over and over and over again then it was
like well what is meditation and it's
really hard when we've gone through
trauma to to meditate because silence is
scary and usually the voices inside of
our heads and those judgments and and
all the confusion right that our own
brains create and different pictures
stories like they're not so pretty scary
to go back there like we don't want to
live in that past so I think one of the
best ways to begin a meditation practice
which is the practice of listening where
prayer for me is the practice of
communicating and and giving grace and
thanks and and talking to God
meditation is the practice of listening
and and receiving downloads messages
from God and but there's that mid-ground
where we're using visualization we're
using soul journeying we're using just
sozo which is like like a hands-on kind
of healing like lead prayer we're asking
for those activations we're asking God
to send us awarenesses and messages so
there's kind of a conversation happening
which is like the mid between prayer and
meditation that is truly
transformational for those who have gone
through trauma because it's really
challenging to get first until you feel
safe within your own heart
super fear-based level as children
either by giving gratitude and or by
like creating a list of things that were
praying for so I think that there's two
different types of prayer two or three
maybe even more but one is that prayer
of gratitude right where you are listing
those things you're tapping in your
gratitude it's so powerful just to get
things and I think that that kind of
prayer can be done a lot the other is
kind of like a genie in a bottle prayer
where you're praying for something or
for somebody and then the other kind of
prayer is is more of a surrender and I
don't know if the genie in the bottle
careers work they haven't necessarily
worked for me it's kind of hit and miss
I probably start out like that though
right because we're taught like until we
like hold on there's there's something
more to this you know forgive yourself
and and then that's where the meditation
comes in because really when we're doing
the petition that's where we want to
hear we want solution okay so asking for
what you need solution on and then going
to that meditation piece where you're
listening is is really important and
developing that self trust so when it
comes to trauma especially early
childhood trauma that self trust oh
that's really challenging so how do you
start developing that self trust in that
innate knowing and your relationship
with the God within and just being able
to be silent without having a flashback
takes time so visualizations and all of
that stuff is really a great tool to
start utilizing also I love yoga because
it works all the organs and ties mind
body and spirit together and and you
take prayers like a psalm of repeating
or like the Jesus Prayer something like
that into your practice while you're
moving and you can do yoga do weight
lifting you do whatever and and it it
helps your whole body just feel a lot
better and move and that's really
important to learn how to be in action
while being present and training the
mind on a single focus which some moving
meditation whether it's yoga or walk
outside nature or anything it's really
informed yeah one of the one of the
aspects of prayer that I really like is
kind of like being able to speak over
yourself with the power of affirmations
or even prophesying declaring the word
of God or the word of truth oh it's
almost like this it's almost like
affirmations and it helps it helps you
kind of get focused and
and and it's not praying asking for
things it's almost like declaring things
because we have that same breath and
power within us so declaring that this
is going to happen or my dreams are
gonna be made manifest and today I will
walk in opportunity and start but it's
like a connection with the source and
then start declaring it out because like
lining your will up to God's perfect
will which is like only good right out
of every even with the bad stuff you
want to like dissect the good out of it
and just kind of kick the bad stuff and
not let anything hang that's gonna mess
you up or you know interfere with
relationships or whatever and being able
to prophesy over your day which is real
powerfully we're taught over and over
and over again like train your brain
train your brain train your brain and
oftentimes we feel like our brain should
just be trained or God's gonna like
train our brain or something but just
like eating right for your body like
it's our opportunity like I could be
truly truly unhealthy and very sick just
as easy as anybody else right this is
about how do I take care of my physical
body and then it's like how do I train
my brain and knowing like what the
limitations of your brain what things
you're working around like for me like
um you know with the trauma and my past
sexy PTSD like okay I have to train my
brain around around that how do I work
with my brain in accordance to business
in this whatever you know like so it's
good to get that awareness about self
what foods work for you how does your
brain think what are your natural
triggers what are your natural things
these are just self awareness stuff um
what emotions do you trigger and go to
easily you know some people feel numb
some people feel like they have to
control everything
some people feel angry right so where
those stopping points emotionally for
you and how can you work around them to
be the person that your desire to be and
then focus on that intention okay every
day setting that intention of who do I
want to be how do I want to be what does
that look like while having tremendous
fashion for your natural wiring right
because your soul I believe your soul is
here to learn how to manage this these
tools your physical body our mental body
in your emotional body and and your
etheric realm so those special giftings
are you were talking about giftings
earlier right what do you have how do
you manages to make yourself feel like
you're crazy because of your giftings
are you like no I'm just the Angels okay
I just have dreams right or do you
embrace those and learn how to work
within those or yeah so it's about
learning how to utilize their tools and
also the limitations of our tools and
then focusing your brain focusing our
brain focusing our brain is a huge piece
of that so I love affirmation I love
what you're saying about that that's
awesome oh yeah it's helped me a lot and
I think I'm where I am today because of
that which is leaps and bounds to where
I was
so you mentioned sitting in silence and
and like trying to get to this place
where you could sit in silence and not
be reminded of the past or have these
flashbacks so we'll always see that
person or you know even be intimate if
you've had something bad happen to you
but you could be in that moment and not
always think about the trauma and I
there's many scenarios where that comes
into play but that's what it what we're
talking about about walking in healing
from from the trauma so that it doesn't
cling to you it doesn't keep coming up
because you've you you're healed from it
and and you've cut though you've severed
those ties and we do that through like I
said prayer meditation yoga like there's
a bunch of different spiritual things
that you can do to do that but if you
don't do these spiritual things you're
probably going to first of all get beat
up by those thoughts but a lot of times
what we see what people who become
addicted to substance or who get in to
relationships that are abusive
you know what I'm saying or just even
but get in the prostitution maybe in
some cases like I'll try to drown out
those thoughts with alcohol like people
who are trying to cope with these
traumas through these unhealthy means
that that really try to silence the
voice of those flashbacks but it doesn't
bring about true healing because soon as
the substance is gone or as soon as
you're by yourself or you're not at a
party or whatever you're doing to get
your mind off of it it comes right back
versus actually finding true healing for
that stuff right so absolutely and the
sucky part is is we have to be able to
face that memory that experience while
remembering that we already survived in
order to get through it so we have to
face the bad news insights whether it's
with hands on us and we're in that safe
environment because usually like the
hands on prayer and the prayer and the
meditation we're creating a safe
container for us to just go back and
visit those memories face when we do
this ozone we go into the heart center
and ReWalk in and and we face the abuser
right and offer forgiveness and and
everything reclaim our inner child on
this work where we have to face it so
anytime that you are trying to replace
anything with with what's truly
happening so replace fill the gap where
you need love and acceptance with
anything whether it be money or
substance or another person and it will
just keep it super super simple those
are the three to three main things your
accolades right it's not gonna ever be
enough like it's not gonna ever be
enough that inner awareness has to come
from within and for me really we reap
what we sow and we're gonna get what we
give right so if there's some
unconscious belief that relationships
are crap or whatever then that's the
relationships that we're gonna get and
gonna get them until we can face those
bad news insights within ourselves and
then from that place of self love and
compassion understanding and I've
already survived and maybe you have a
group of people around you saying you
already survived or maybe you simply
just have a acute awareness within
yourself and you just finally stand up I
mean I did last night I stood up and I'm
just like I am and I could know like I
don't care who you are like you don't
get to tell me yeah about this truth
right that's like no like I'm not gonna
feel ashamed about this anymore like
that's your truth not my truth and I
know I'm grateful hey I know I'm
grateful and still $22 isn't going to
break isn't gonna change my life right
like I need more than that to really
change the deal but it doesn't mean I'm
not grateful for that experience but
you'll get to check yourself like this
and there's a sense of confidence just
like Jesus is like I'm gonna walk up
this friggin road with this cross on my
back right knowing that that this is for
the greater good knowing that even
though I'm not gonna see in this
lifetime it's for the greater good
you'll be able to carry that cross and
look at yourself still knowing that that
you are fully aligned with with your
walk with with God with your walk with
Barrett and nobody else can judge that
and we're way too judgmental I'm kind of
going off on a tangent here but we're
way too much mental of others about that
because their outside appearance appears
to not be a successful or they're on
drugs right or they're having a bad
relationship or they're in a bad
relationship or they keep it creating
chaos in their life and all of those
things get better once we face those
things none of them can heal unless we
can face the shadows within ourselves
but at the same time nothing outside of
yourself including I believe
including the Bible including a church
including anybody praying over you none
of that is gonna fill you up until you
have that personal journey with your
soul God whatever you want to call ya
and this is a walk - it's not just a
one-time thing right we have to
continually walk it out and whether we
do it the more intense it gets ya layers
- an onion - you like oh I'm healed
didn't did something happen to you like
you just feel like you've undone
everything that you've healed yourself
loving well it just shows you how it
shows you how how delicate faith is -
because like you know there's greatness
inside of us like we're made in the
image of God we are the righteousness of
God created in Christ Jesus to do good
works what more than conquerors we're
like all of these things and we have
supernatural powers and abilities to
manifest but we can easily mess it up
with the with one like something
somebody triggers you and then you freak
out you know I've been I've been in
situations with friends who like who
have been in worship sessions at church
and they're worshiping and a little old
lady behind them said it being too loud
son keep it down and he's like you
mother
he just went off on this little old lady
he was praising hallelujah he's dancing
he's jumping shouting like he's really
into it and the lady says son can you
keep it down and he just like tried to
fight this old lady in church so it
shows you like hold on you triggered me
you got to deal with that but I feel
like all of us can like that's the you
know it's like the delicacy of our faith
because we we get a high and mighty and
you see preachers who fall into sin or
leave their spouses because they got
tempted you know what I'm saying and
there's all of this stuff so even with
the strength once we find healing
there's still like this dependency to be
beautifully broken at the same time you
know where do you balance the truth
there's the acceptance of the shadow
there's the acceptance of the polarity
and there's the acceptance of this earth
right and when we try to live above it
without accepting it we live in pain
yeah
and and we're taken down right I hadn't
experienced a couple years ago where I
was asked to leave a church because my
because I didn't cheat on my husband
because my husband and his girlfriend at
the time were on my ex-husband and his
girlfriend at the time were um were
there and I would make them
uncomfortable right I was I was the
divorcing wife and I'm like really like
I brought in all this evidence like all
this stuff to be like can I stay here
with my kids right and they're like no
now my husband and I just had gave in a
really fat check right and he's lying on
the church right and turns out a couple
years later the pastor said do something
you know who who told me no like you
gotta go
he luckily I was caught cheating with a
27 year old down I just found this out
and I'm just like well it's not funny
like a whole bunch of judgment and you
make it okay to be to live in sin right
there's all this acceptance it's a good
old boys club and then BOOM okay now
you're down for it because they were
higher than right like God couldn't
touch them like I'm not gonna get caught
I'm higher than there was just
acceptance of sin and right so we all do
it though I mean I do it in my own life
hey there's we catch ourselves in
judgment we catch yourself say stuff and
that's the key word though you catch
yourself right mm-hmm and then you have
we have to face it right and and let go
of the shame it's that shame and that
guilt like there's false guilt and
there's righteous skill and if you've
done something wrong then you admit it
and you shift right there shame shame is
just put on yourself it's I'm not enough
I'm bad
bla bla bla and that self judgment we
have to face in order to not repeat the
things we're going to be killed
before and not cover anything up and
that's the polarity of living on earth
so if you're making yourself wrong for
anything guys
my suggestion is really look at that if
you're judging somebody else right the
stick in the eye passage like if you're
judging somebody else for something
look at yourself for that and whether
the judgment it seems positive or
negative yeah and the scripture says
that we should examine ourselves daily
to make sure that we're in the faith
like all of these things we're talking
about and we're living this goodly it's
like a daily examination making sure
that none of these outside forces that
don't take up you don't have seen a
residency within your auric field and
have you you know doing all types of
madness that people do and lashing out
friend of mine commenting in the chat
here he said when we talk about the
substance and getting on alcohol or just
whatever it is that you're trying to
fill that hole within you because you're
bleeding
right you got to put something in it and
let's fill it up with alcohol let's fill
it up with sex or without or money or
whatever he said the substance is a
symptom of the spiritual sickness and
you know just like you know the modern
medical community they try to treat the
the symptom and not really go down to
the root of the issue like yeah we can
yeah we can put you on these pills we
can give you insulin or just change your
diet I hold on let's deal with your diet
what are you eating okay a sleeve of
Oreos today okay we need to deal with
that you don't need to do that you know
I'm saying and and that's what it is
spiritually we have to work we're
dealing with the symptoms and not really
going down to find healing you know and
that's what that's what we're doing what
we're talking about now what you bring
to the table so importance it takes huge
courage and it is an onion right so I
always laugh because the second thought
I think that I have like a big
breakthrough or something like oh my god
I got this and it's a yes like this you
know what I feel like I feel like we got
to be careful ma'am because we can see
that you see it you know it you identify
it good
I'm starting to see it in my life and in
the lives of others especially with the
lightworkers right these people who are
trying to right their wrongs these are
the people who will cut you
they were like they'll snap like they're
due they're taking this high road
because they know how dirty or how
explosive they can be like I know
whether it's being bipolar whether it's
being split personalities let's really
talk about it like there are no people
who one day their healing and meditation
and the next day they I'm killing myself
and they're calling people telling them
I'm telling you guys goodbye because I'm
killing myself today it's like what this
is crazy you know it's just weird ups
and downs it's legit though like what do
we do do we just I know we have to make
sure that we'll walk in the spirit
workers or at least for me like there's
a pain when we can't serve to that
fullness right when God somebody has has
a blocker awaiting happening and we want
so much to give and we also have a
belief and I'm saying we but I also have
a belief that that life does go on rank
that there is the kingdom of heaven or a
kingdom of something afterwards that my
soul is gonna go on even if the vessel
is not so wouldn't I be more effective
if I just did all this work like without
the limitations of my body if I could
just all at one time just like everybody
knows what I know
like serve everybody reach out reach the
masses right love as much as I want to
love like this way and there's this pain
that we're not talking about enough in
the light worker and and the handling
fields that so many of us feel that it's
like this it's not to fill up it's not
to cover anything it's not even to prove
anything it's just like this in
effectiveness that we want to see the
shift we want to see people know that
whatever it is whatever
just that we have and we know that the
limitation of how fast the media gets to
them or how fast our programs dollar
don't sell how fast we you know get to
touch people and we're not feeling that
feedback fast enough and and so there's
this ineffective pain of not being able
to love enough right and it's just shame
it's just shame again but it turns into
well wouldn't it just be better if I was
just dead and working on the other side
and so what do we do about that is the
same thing if we do about anything else
it's it's um so for me like I don't have
bipolar I don't have split personality I
don't have any of those things now I've
looked at it all because it's like being
in but you but you do wake up on the
wrong side of the bed every now and then
though like I'm stuck everyone so I feel
like no matter what I do it's it's not
enough no matter what once a while I
feel tremendously sad because I don't
know people know that that I love them I
don't know if I'm doing it right right
and so how do we support one another it
goes back to the same thing is how we
support ourselves and that's like the
most effective thing that I do for my
friends my clients my coaches and what I
need when I'm in that place of
vulnerability is acceptance yeah hey we
have we have these moments and these
moments and we need to know that we
matter we need to know that that our
special cell in the big cell of the one
body is important right the that we
matter period like I don't know how much
else just say that even if we don't fill
the cup with whatever we're supposedly
supposed to build a cup with whether
that's accolades money booze great drugs
even if we're sick even if we're fat
even if we're not having the best
relationship right now
and if we're going through a time of
learning if we going through a time of
testing even if right even though I'm
we're still enough we're still loved we
still matter and that's where we can
reflect back to one another that truth
that we don't have to qualify for God
oftentimes in church oftentimes in
society we're told we have to qualify
and one of the biggest pains that I
didn't qualify for was in a I dated a
beautiful man who as part of na na a you
know went to meetings everything about
that okay and I get to talk because I
don't qualify right I can take in those
things and I don't have an issue with it
I haven't lost to it I don't I I don't
have an addictive personality that way
and so I didn't qualify I hadn't I
hadn't done enough and then I even
worked a bit in substance abuse and in
that field
lovely most compassionate most accepting
people friggin ever right because
they've been to the trenches of their
own self debacle and they've been
overpowered by a substance not even a
person but a substance right where my
overpower man has been people and I can
relate to a lot of their trauma stuff
but just the most beautiful community
that I wanted to belong and I didn't
belong and because I have conversations
about the supernatural and I've had
supernatural experiences and I do yoga I
don't belong in the Christian and
because I don't belong I don't belong so
how can we make each other feel like we
belong because the basis of substance
abuse the basis of a lot of trauma the
basis of a lot of pain and the basis
suicide is all letting each other note
that we belong you belong you belong in
this world doing what you do Derrick you
friggin belong and you matter and thank
you thank you
yes no we are we're in this weird place
now that we have to just kind of make
our own lane you know what I'm saying
and make it cool you know what I'm
saying and make people feel like they're
missing out if they're not a part of
what we're doing because it's the truth
like you don't understand that we can be
comfortable in our own body we can we
could be Christians and talk about the
love of Christ and his blood that is
shed for the sins of humanity and we can
talk about aliens or we can talk about
meditation or doing yoga or
tapping into the trance state or
whatever and so where people would be
like nope you can't do that like won a
bet we're doing it in it we look damn
good while we're doing and other people
want to do it too you know what I'm
saying and this is our truth and we are
examining ourselves daily we are keeping
the covenants of Christ and we are
walking in his love and and and this is
true spirituality this is true godliness
with contentment which is great gain and
so to rewrite the narrative when it
comes to any of these groups who are
like you we love you until like there's
all these ifs we love you on if you do
this if you can see if you agree with
these tenants if you think that Jesus
was the son of God or was God like that
was a big when I remember his Christian
realm they were like they would question
me even friends
do you believe that Jesus is God I
believe he's the son of God well that's
not the same thing well kinda nope you
gotta be God it's like oh wow you don't
want to be my friend now because I don't
think that he was like God like God left
his throne to come and become a man I
believe he was God's Son you find these
weird little quarks and they don't want
you can't fit they fit in if you don't
keep all the tenants and stuff when
we'll wear that now we're just in this
place where we're like just beauty in
the blueprint man and like people are
different you don't need a bunch of
lemmings everybody who's agreeing and
saying the same thing and just like a
bunch of yes men and have your ego just
so blown out of the water that everyone
agrees with you and you get rid of
everybody who don't you know I'm saying
it so there's like an eclectic group of
people even who listen to the podcast
and in our circles and our friends and
stuff like that and somebody who can
give us a different perspective to our
situations and stuff
you know I know you're seeing that now
right absolutely yeah
I mean there's a whole different and
then there's like the New Age
lightworkers and there's a different age
of light workers that are more galactic
and and there's a whole bunch of there's
just so much change happening right now
and and I feel like if we drop the
judgement the self judgment if we drop
the shame or we just recognize it
nothing to drop it if we're just don't
wear of our judgment and our shame and
really hold this space for one another
because I think it's so much easier to
hold it for one another at first to not
have to live into that okay if you take
the shame out of the substance abuse
wears it the power it has some power if
you take the shame out of the sex there
is no shame there's a great quote that
my daughter showed me it was on
Instagram basically I was like underage
drinking is so great because it's a
crime yeah right and I'm just like she's
like any true and I'm like are you
drinking but it's like it's like wow
yeah like what if we took its power away
what if we took this substance spider
what if it wasn't that what if it wasn't
bad to be poor
what if you still had a voice or a
message even if you weren't mega
successful yes what if you what if it
didn't matter what if everybody mattered
and the only thing that we can do is
give that to one another and and it B
does begin with the sounds like
everything is a reflection itself what
begins with self but the best way that I
think that we can really show what's in
our hearts is to offer it to each other
okay it's to take that time to just see
somebody and
like you matter you know even though
book isn't published even though your
program hasn't taken off even though
you're 20 pounds 50 pounds 100 pounds
150 pounds 300 pounds overweight you
know even though you believe in God you
don't believe in God even though no
supernatural power hasn't come down and
like bless your church with a hundred
bazillion people and you're not a mega
church yet and even though that's your
dream you still matter
ya know enough ya talking about taking
the power away from it let me ask you
about this because this is one thing
that a lot of a lot of people in the
church would criticize a a right whether
something similar now called celebrate
recovery right and it kind of take a lot
of the principles from it but the church
would criticize a a because you would
hear these people who have come to terms
with who they are what they are but they
say that they're always going to be a
drunk I'm always a drunk and the next
thing you know I'll they feel like
they're out and the Christians will be
like okay you're delivered you're not a
drunk you're blessed you crave the
things of God you don't even have that
taste anymore and you start saying it
you believe it you get prayer for hey
I'm it I'm walking in the newness of
life but you know that AAA it's like I'm
always gonna be a drunk I'll always be
an addict you know you hear people
confessing this that they're always in
it and they just have to take it
day-by-day right do you think that
that's you know given the it still has
this power like I'm still got my big
thing you know what surely like when it
really boiled down to it I was hanging
around a lot of people that have been
sober 17 20 30 years right in the
program and they're all working the
program still each week right and
everywhere they go around the world they
find a meeting great and and it's not
it's not about that but if they're not
an addict they don't have in readings if
they don't have meetings and they don't
belong yeah yeah we all need you know
while I'm healed I'm set free I'm
and then they're alone again right and
there's a booking I think that we have a
queue I know I have a huge belonging
issue within myself for sure and by
recognizing within myself I I just see
it in all these organizations I see it
in in every group I see it in every
everything like we just want to belong
to something greater than ourselves
there's and I'll say this oh so I've
approached it from that aspect as a
Christian and looking at it and long you
could be set free you ain't got to be an
addict you know but when I really doable
to looking at the 12 steps and looking
at and how they were developed of like
like the guy got the the steps like on
LSD trips like going out on LSD and
finding his own healing and then writing
it down and I was talking about like
just forgiving everybody and that's what
we really what you do is like um it's
like a methodology of forgiveness and
releasing things and going to the people
that you've wronged and so each step
there is a beauty to it right if people
really do it right again I don't I don't
I don't agree with the fact that you're
always an addict but I cut part of me is
like at this point I never say never
right so to say I'll never drink again
you know I'm never gonna smoke crack
again I'm never gonna do this like I
have a problem with that now just
because because of time right I've been
to those churches and those people who
lead AAA and the youth pastors and the
pastors who were delivered through
prayer and meditation and fasting they
would deliver it from smoking crack or
smoking meth and I'm never going back
and the whole charge of screaming yeah
we're never going back and then guess
what happens he goes back he went back
so I'm like I don't even want to tempt
God the universe or myself or my own
power to say no I'll never do it and I
say that because I've experienced it in
little places whether it was you know
smoking cigarettes again or having a
beer I've been in places where I
wouldn't
never smoke smoking a cigarette or have
weed again or whatever and then we do it
I remember my friend who was he's really
involved in AAA and celebrate recovery
and he was listening a while ago I'm not
sure if he's still here but we come up
doing gospel rap like we was in churches
ministering and sharing our stories and
how God brought me out of witchcraft and
delivered me from whatever addictions
and stuff and we could speak to hundreds
of kids every week and we they booked us
in out-of-state and stuff and uh and we
started I guess as we just got maybe a
little bit more relaxed or just
expensive in our faith we begin to look
into other things and and stuff like
that or we wouldn't maybe drink from
time to time and then we would go out
into bars and and we would do gospel rap
in bars but then we eventually we would
have drinks and stuff or do a couple
shots with the fans and stuff and he had
a dream about me he said man I had a
dream man you were cursing from the
stage you own state and we were doing
gospel rap at a time when I said man
ain't no way I'll never do that I name's
like dude I had a dream it was so real I
said I'll never do that and then a month
two later I had a big show and I'm like
put your mother in hands in the hey man
I'm never and this was years ago I don't
want to do that anymore but it's like
that Never Say Never
like I'm not I don't want to tempt the
universe a god like if it be God's will
I don't want to do that you know what
I'm saying but and did so there's the
AAA thing maybe balancing there was like
I'm always an addict I have to be on
guard because if I have one sip I love
it I'm going back to it where does the
balance go there you know I think it's
acceptance again I mean it's so crazy
simple what we have to do to overcome
pretty much anything but you're right
like as soon as you sing never then it
has power it's like the person that's
going on the diet right it's a new Sam
never gonna eat that again how you do is
crave it right but so there is
this awareness that it's okay if we send
it's okay if we mess up it's okay if we
stumble that that through the stumbling
is where we figure out where we want to
go who we want to be right what's not
okay is being the victim of the stumble
right it's it's okay to use it as a
place to move up from I had some severe
PTSD for a number of years and whenever
I get feel like I was getting attacked
or backed into a corner and there was no
way out when I was really young one way
that I would get my dad to stop hitting
me as I hit myself so I started hitting
myself and it worked when I was 9 and 10
and 11 to 12 so it worked and I didn't
realize it consciously but I'd get in
these situations and be in these battles
and I'd be feel very trapped very like
nobody's listening to me and to stop the
fight tent it I had hit myself um to the
outside world that looked crazy to me it
was odd and not like automatic reaction
and I always felt shame I always felt
guilty I always felt like oh my god what
did I just do why did I do that right
until about five years ago I was in that
situation I felt very unheard I was like
uh and and I did it and my friend
grabbed my hands and he was just like
you're safe ya don't want to fight
anymore and like I don't know what
happened I mean but that was the the
deliverance that was the deliverance
right there and I was like I haven't
done a sense but we we have to go into
acceptance I had to accept that this was
my PTSD reaction I had to accept
I was ashamed and it's separated things
I had to accept it was an effective way
to end a fight and to get whoever was
seemingly beating me up verbally or
emotionally or physically to stop to
step back and stop and at the same time
it was time for me to just let it go and
grow from from that so letting go of the
shame letting go of the old story and
now realizing well I have new coping
skills I have nonviolent communication I
know how to do I can walk out of the
room because I'm no longer a child and
this is not my apparent I can just just
leave knowing these coping skills and
how I honor myself I now have different
ways to do it but I had to stop the
synapses in my brain through acceptance
through acceptance and the same goes for
when we're drinking or doing anything
else too if we can just say oh well I
have some shame there but not but you
know what like cussing on stage I don't
know how many times that I've been told
thank you for cussing real and cussing
cuz it allows me to be real and cussed
right rather than be like prim and
proper like my clients will come to me
and they like you know many many
Christians and like come to me and
they're like proper at first right and
then I'll say like [Â __Â ] this and
whatever and they'll be like oh goodness
thank you so much like now I can talk
about this abuse and how angry I am and
you know and I read this book once I got
it from church and it was like like
Jesus's anger I think it was that simple
like the name of the book and God had
every emotion and we can have it too
yeah yeah that's why that's why we have
those emotions it's because God has them
and that's how people people need to
understand that like you know I don't
need to feel
well who you think you get it from
you're made in the image and likeness
you know you feel sorrow you feel grief
you repent you turn from your wickedness
like Yahweh went through all days like
man I made these people I wish I would
have never even made I'm like all of the
things looking through the scriptures
you start reading a story that's
inclusive you're not reading about this
foreign God Yahweh that is it you
reading about yourself
yeah that's your father you know what
I'm saying so you reading about what
you're gonna experience how are you
gonna deal with the giant you know not
about King David or trying to figure out
how he okay
the same things that he did to achieve
victory you're gonna do those things
spiritually when you face your Giants
right and so it's all it makes it I'm
saying come to life and stuff and and
you can identify with and it has its
power you know what I'm saying to
actually be able to understand the
stories and the messages encoded within
not as being a history book if you want
to see it like that that's fine but it's
a it comes to life when you're able to
take the meanings and the metaphors and
the allegory out of it and apply it to
your life you know it becomes more real
so let's end on this note just kind of
because we've been we've just been
talking about trauma we've been talking
about getting your stuff together
different ways it lasts us out now we've
talked about doing meditation and prayer
trance like there's a bunch of different
things spiritually that you can do again
I really believe when the Bible says
that if you if you walk in the spirit
you will not fulfill the lust of the
flesh
I believe that stuff is how we walk in
the spirit let's have a daily communion
with God through prayer through
listening to music through chanting
through yoga just being mindful and as
all of these things that we have access
to these tools that help us to become
mindful there's prayer beads there's all
all types of tools it's incense there's
so so much man it helps us tap in and
what's the what's the the power behind
it because like you talk a lot about
helping people like follow their dreams
and achieve their destiny why do we have
to deal with it like is it blocking us
from our destiny I know we don't want to
take that stuff with us right
it's taking our time right if you have
to keep bumping your head up against
this and that this and that if you have
to keep fighting a battle each and every
day like it's gonna take up your time
and then there's not time to step into
your destiny I know for me I was going
for like health crisis - health crisis
and then I was like mental crisis -
mental crisis and I was like I hate
myself I love myself but then I was
right and like there was this whole
thing it was like 15 years of just like
a constant drama and chaos and and its
really nice not having that like it's
really nice not every day I mean I wake
up and I definitely have my days of the
month where it's like oh my gosh like
really this again ready and it's a
different layer of an onion and I gotta
go deeper there's definitely times where
um we August not but if you know the
tools that work for you right tarik like
if you know the tools that work for you
if it's singing if it's meditation if
it's yoga if it's going and getting
prayer if it's going to church and raise
your hands up if it's going on a nature
walk if it's if you figure out the tools
that work for you your personal
blueprint then you can put those tools
in action there's a lot less drama
there's more acceptance of what's coming
up you know it's coming up so you can
move it out of the way it's time for it
to come up you have that trust that
faith and that divine timing and then
from that place you you just live a
better life I mean I haven't been
physically sick in years
mentally pretty darn good I have this
year's been a little bit of some
spiritual attack and stuff like that
which is a different subject but if you
know what's happening then you're like
oh yeah okay like there's that - right
and
and you you have that acceptance it's
still just another opportunity for
growth and so when you move all these
things that take up your time steal your
time steal your heart steal your
attention from God which is love and joy
and fulfillment hate and and just doing
things that light your fire that's a
better life right so what I love helping
people do is figuring out the blueprint
to how to take care of their their lives
who they are their tools and I think the
biggest tools is your physical body your
mental body our emotional body and your
therapy or spiritual giftings and had a
really embodying their soul in all those
places so it's not there's not a room
for for lack of a better word demonic
like substance right spirits with
alcohol spirits or drugs spirits or
negative thoughts spirits ER or right
like other people or marijuana spirits
that would take over that attention
right and I'm not saying that it's bad
to drink or smoker or whatever but when
you can't walk away from that when
that's taken out of your time right when
that's taking up your mind and your
focus is there instead of on your heart
that's an issue that's when it becomes
an addiction an addiction when you're
gonna crime because like you can't get
any that day that's when you feel edgy
in your body right because you can't get
nay that day that's that's when you've
lost your power your power it's then in
something outside of yourself yeah whole
thing the word power with the kingdom
within is that you don't need nothing
outside of yourself to aid it now
there's tools we're talking about you
know incense and music and all type joga
and stuff most of it is like it's things
on the
outside that reflect the inside and help
you to go within that's the power really
the power of Christ is you can access it
you don't have to go to the church
you're not the bow to the Pope you don't
have to do any of this stuff you know
you can go within and we can commune we
can have that encounter going within
yeah yeah and it's about finding the
tools that work for you that help you
connect the fastest the most right how
to clean this look at this [Â __Â ] that's
taking up your time in your attention
right for me like a cancer took up a
[Â __Â ] bed of time and attention like it's
a big deal right bad relationships take
up a lot of time and attention like I
don't have time for that I just I don't
have time to spend all day stress in if
she's gonna text me back or not right so
like how do you how do you move heavy
moves through that you learn how to set
boundaries you learn how to accept where
you're at you learn about where you are
giving your power and how to take it
back and there's different tools in each
of those time like how do you want to
think work how do you want to feel where
do you naturally feel work where do you
get to a feeling and you start spinning
I mean I could go on for days is what I
teach it's what I do but um that's what
your own University is all about and
it's like deciphering who you are I
figure out what tools work for you
because tools that work for Derek and me
might not work for you and then then
shifting that focus each and every day
each and every moment of each and every
day to that place again and again and
again I don't mean to be insensitive but
on this side of the battle would you
would you say that God gave you cancer
or God allowed you to go through it like
what is your relationship with that
battle in that journey yeah well I
believe that my cancer was a direct
reaction from my body from my sexual
abuse as a child why was I sexually
abused as a child I believe that on some
level my soul came in here for a really
fast initiation of the misuse of power
so I could understand how to you
power correctly just like Jesus came in
with a predetermined awareness of his
soul to die on the cross I think that we
come in with agreements some people
would say and I know you've dealt with
this but some people would say that
that's like it's a kind of a cool word
now victim-blaming yeah you know oh you
brought that upon yourself are you you
know I'm like what do you think I
brought that upon myself I signed up for
this you know what I'm saying
I would never sign up for that right
innocence like yeah it is kind of victim
blaming but it's on a higher scale like
I know the little girl inside of me
would never have wanted that I know I
didn't ask for him I know I didn't um
do that nevertheless it happened right
so for me it's like how can I get to a
place if it happened and reclaim my
power around it because I can't deny
that it happened me denying that it
happened really makes it happen again
oh no why well that's what happens when
we get to heading into good for that's
the never say never tidy I'll never do
that again just like tonight and coming
back so the fact is as I went through it
you know who did it
well of course like the people that
abuse me did it I mean it was it was
them I was a kid but on a higher level
on a soul level I'm taking those lemons
and I'm turning him into lemonade it has
become my platform for life I don't know
anything else that I'd rather be doing
besides singing which I do as well I
mean you're really good you're really
good we should do something together I
was listening to some of your singing
videos I would love that I would love
that
yes I totally would love that so I mean
with that that's part of my journey too
I haven't lost that like that's part of
my embrace but unless it became like
really famous singing like there's
thing I'd rather do in life than to help
people reclaim come home help people
come home and how and when I was 13
Jesus appeared to me and said go home
and tell and since then I've been
helping people and myself come home yeah
that's what I do right so I don't feel
like I have any choice to do anything
else
it sucked their skills suck it sucks
working at those other skills that you
don't like doing so it's good to like
find what you love and really hone in on
that and do it really good versus on the
other side we learned all of this stuff
oh we wasted you it's not wasted right
there's we learn so you're on University
I mean I love training people I love
teaching I love helping people come home
bully and like own their body own their
mindset own stuff despite whatever
diagnostic things they've had whether
it's physical mental emotional or
spiritual illnesses right and how do we
work in that anyway because we all of
our crap right whether it's addiction or
some sort of trauma or PTSD or
schizophrenia I mean though I haven't
really worked with schizophrenia or
anything um I know that happens I deal
with it a lot with I don't know how much
help I'm doing sometimes I feel like I'm
making it worse for people because we're
talking about these things that are
going on in their head but I think I do
offer a solution I mean as far as like
just I mean it can't hurt right
spirituality going with in communion
with God like that doesn't hurt right
that's definitely what we need to be
doing but I do draw those people to me
with some of these far-out things that
we're talking about that's why I try to
point them to Christ but um
I definitely get a lot of that in my
inbox that's really strange there's a
lot of people out there
well I cuz I talk about like leaving
your body and traveling the ethers and
talking to angels and all that kind of
stuff and like hey I'll talk angels and
like okay you don't I'm saying it's like
I hear voices you know and so it's like
a weird balance and I don't do that to
shame or make fun of anybody but it's
real thing you know and I think in the
majority of like from that place
Spurs like those kind of things that
happens a lot in trauma to where we
leave our body like my whole
dissertation for my PhD is really about
that like where do we go up or do we go
down there's two different directions
that people know and I'm not talking
heaven or or like hell right I'm talking
like into our feet or like right above
our heads yeah like where are we seeing
things from when we leave our body yeah
and um and then talking to the angels
and talking to things I mean so many
people do that and it's so I made that
like if you're a cute little old lady
and you've been in your church for a
long time in your world respects like
it's okay if you hear voices and talk
tangle Angeles right but if you're an
outspoken kids like oh my god they're
crazy I just want to make sure that
they're really talking to angels you
know I want to get to the bottom say
okay there's these angels or these
you're like did you make them up I'll go
you're imagining that and if so it's not
necessarily a bad thing versus what are
they telling you like how are you
getting the information man is love
right and and I love those passages of
affirmation like God's gonna be
encouraging that's an order all right
the angels are encouragers angels silly
with like light and love you're gonna
feel lighter not heavier we're demonic
forces or fourth dimensional people that
are passed over whatever they are or not
they're gonna talk to you just like a
[Â __Â ] friend right and it could be
like well you friggin suck and you
shouldn't do this and you're
you know you're just an ungrateful
little piece your or they'll be like
whatever right it could spiral down
where God's gonna lift lift us up and
give us more peace I think and that's
where discernment and people teaching
about discernment is so important yeah
definitely told me like how do you you
know call Jesus huh how do you know
you're talking to Jesus how do you know
you're talking to gotten for me I was
like well they appeared to me I just saw
this energy and like now I know him
right like why are you making me
question if I know God or not and so
finally she was like well you have to
say Jesus Christ God and Savior or you
have to say Jesus Christ of Nazareth
right so a certainty Jesus Christ of
Nazareth Jesus Christ of Nazareth there
do you say zhuzh my cousin nothing
changed for me changed like the energy
didn't change nothing changed but man in
that moment she sure made me feel like
maybe I was Satan
wow you know there's uh we went through
that and with there's a movement of
Christianity where I don't think they
call themselves this but other people
call them sacred neighbors and I just
seen a friend of mine post something
about this the other day we're like
people get caught up on the name like if
they if you're not calling upon the
right name then you're calling upon
demons and there's a there's a big
movement of people who say when you say
the name Jesus that wasn't his real name
they say you're calling upon Zeus
because it's hey Zeus and when you say
Jesus you're really calling upon Zeus so
Zeus answers you and pretends to be G
and there's all this weird theology and
muddying up the waters and so yeah I
remember of some time ago when I was
really deep into some of that I want to
call on the right name I want to see the
beauty and study the right names right
when we were in that my wife she I got
to a place where she didn't even want
she didn't know what name to say in
prayer and it was like a confusion it
really hindered her from tapping in cuz
she didn't know the right name with it
was not Jesus it's not your shoe
right it's just shame and guilt on you
like well I better not have any
relationship at all because better to
have nothing than to do it wrong and
that be subject of demonic forces where
I mean we're demonic forces or relate
forces to one another and there were
these people I mean looking at like even
like Jesus dealing with Peter you know
and Peter's like hey Jesus you ain't got
a die bro I'm we can hide you away he's
like oh just Satan I'm not I'm Satan
he's like no like you're being used as a
deceiver as an adversary to what the
will of God is for my life and for
Humanity essentially so you know we all
can be used like you say as as an
adversary to the will of God for
whoever's life you know and the the
beautiful thing is with spirituality and
with tapping in through these different
means you get on course and on par with
the will of God and you're working with
God versus working against God
anything that is beautiful anything that
is helping people there there is no law
against that there's no law against love
and so if it's if it's from above - no I
mean I questioned last night I was
having a conversation like how do I know
if there's not like a hundred bazillion
people like how do I know this is what
what is supposed to happen so it's like
how do we know right if it doesn't look
like the world wants it to look how do
we know that we're answering God right
you think the world one Jesus to die on
a cross to believe in Jesus that doesn't
look like the world wants it to look
it's early if they don't have it
bazillion followers if they don't have
this much money in the bank if they
aren't this pretty if they don't
whatever right they don't say the right
word they don't call Jesus the right
name right then then they must be evil
like how do we reconcile that within
ourselves I know this is you
interviewing me but I really like to
know I mean III deal with it as well and
I look at some of the things that I'm
into and just how unorthodox it is and
the things that I talk about for me I'm
kind of like you I go back
the scriptures with a lot of this stuff
and like it's all in there and which is
the crazy thing communicating with
angels leaving your body
deep deep states of trance and actually
going into trance and communing with God
or God speaking to you in a dream state
like I love it and it's not
anti-biblical it's the Bible is a very
spiritual book that promotes that so I
feel like I'm good there and in the
confines of the scriptures right of just
judging yourself to make sure that
you're in the faith and what you believe
or whatever the case is so but then
again you know you you look at how
unorthodox it is and you're like man
this is so far out there then you're not
getting invited to the churches things
or even me now I've been talking about
this I'm starting to get invited to
church stuff and I'm scared I'm scared
they're gonna listen to this interview
in here well true sigil was custom on
stage seven years ago you know what I'm
saying this let's find the video hey
it's out there like you know what I'm
saying like or they'll find my mushroom
videos or whatever the case isn't
because they're looking for those things
to like negate you and say up you can't
be one of us you know what I'm saying so
we still fight with that judgment that
God says don't judge don't judge love
your brother right and we're like no
we're gonna go seek out that judgment
because then we can prove that we're
better than we wanted those like cuz I
did a little thing years ago Bennett
when it was big like early days of
YouTube it was big because there's only
a couple channels who made exposing
videos and you could type in now you
could type in anybody exposed in a video
will come up and and this was the early
days of YouTube when that was still a
big thing so I hired an actor and got
him to do a video called truth seeker
exposed and I wrote the script for him
and it was a it was a preacher like
exposing me and saying I don't know what
he's into aliens and this and that and
that and like people watched it and
thought it was real but the weird thing
about it is people would rather watch
the true seeker exposed the video versus
me sharing the truth of Who I am or
trying to maybe even explaining that
video like they would rather go to the
dirt you know what I'm saying these
conspiracy enix
and this is the dirt people love it I
guess like misery loves company and
people just don't want to feel like
they're alone or whatever the case is
but it's so weird how like a video like
that would blow up and get a bunch of
views when your regular work just
sitting there that addiction right it's
an addiction to focusing on the problem
it's like they want to see that it's
like the trainwreck thing though like we
want to keep watching you know
especially if somebody we don't agree
with to say hi told you so
so like a friend of mine shared that
even though it's like it's on it
the exposed video is like it's like a
promo like he exposes me then he says
you know what me and the church we
listen to him right before prayer
service every day anyway in this light
and so he ends up promoting my music at
the end in this one guy like messaged a
friend of mine I said yeah I'm glad
somebody finally exposed that guy's I
hold on you didn't like the sexy promo
like you don't have Sam it's kind of
like what is the song by tool vicarious
is like you know this is something
within art within us man I mean I have
to be honest like I've become friends
with people because I was watching them
wild out on Facebook and they would go
live in drunken stupors and it was like
it was entertaining and a part of me was
like I can't look away I have to tune
into these broadcasts cuz this is crazy
it's just strange and I've seen some
famous my boyfriend like sends me these
things I'm just like I want to talk
about this right and in order to have a
thousand bazillion likes like I'm gonna
have to act like a fool yeah you need to
just I'm gonna do this in the nude like
what yeah we'll see a lot of people will
even script fake stuff you know most of
the stuff we see is scripted and faked
you know and the people are in on it
because they know it's gonna get likes
and get clicks and stuff even though the
one thing on YouTube even is big which
is the prank videos like in all of the
prankster
are coming out saying yeah we set all
those up we get they getting millions of
views and yeah those people they're in
on it we pay them 20 bucks we pay had
several different people we paid them
all and we made you know seven thousand
and we paid them seventy bucks you know
what I'm saying because of all of the
views and stuff and so it's so weird
this form of entertainment and people
are just drawn to that like we
vicariously like live to those people
don't want to see it and so the song
vicarious my tool is just talking about
how we just love destruction we want to
watch The Walking Dead or we watch those
videos like we watch them because it's
not us you know like if it was us then
we wouldn't we wouldn't you know applaud
it or watch or we wouldn't want anybody
watching you know I was just it's just
been on my heart lately I've been
thinking about it even with with myself
though yeah I truly believe that I mean
it's in every walk of faith it's an
every scientific thing it's an every
self-help block
Hitler everybody can pretty much agree
that so we're putting that energy out
into what even what we watch on TV right
is in what we're watching on YouTube
like that's what we're gonna get back
and then you're like why did I hurt my
leg or why did somebody steal something
for me and what well because you spent
12 hours like yeah sure stealing
yesterday and now your bike is stolen
even even if it happens in real life or
what sometimes even worse when it
happens in your dreams
you're watching this stuff or listening
to something all dating you go to sleep
and dream about it and you have
nightmares all night with something I
experienced about two weeks ago just all
night every time I close my eyes it was
a nightmare and I know it was from stuff
that I was watching during the day and
I'd pray against it and blah blah blah
but it just wouldn't go away because I
let it in I let it into my I gate my ear
gate and I had to deal with it garbage
in garbage out you know we've heard that
a million times so but you have you have
a lot of stuff that you bring to the
table courses and books and you bunch of
YouTube videos and stuff like that to
help
DeLand kind of filter that bad stuff out
which is what we're supposed to be doing
so go ahead you plug your website let
people know how they can get involved
and check out what you bring to the
table there so we have your own
University and your own University is
really a community so you won't like a
whole bunch of people that just belong
belong there hey if you feel called
there but it gets a lot so it's a
mastermind we meet on Mondays and we do
meditations and manifesting meditations
really choosing your focus what do you
focus on that week and really holding
each other just in love and light to do
that and then every day I have 365
letters that I send out that our 10
minute tools to help balance out your
six personal power zones so you focus on
one area of your life each day for 10
minutes and you change your life and I
also have master classes each month
where I have a guest teacher come in and
teach about some specific topic like the
one we just had with JD she talked about
stage presence and really shining your
light and core and overcoming fears and
she works in Hollywood and everything
like that so just she's a producer and
just comes and she just laid it out it's
really great so you come in and you take
these classes and so we have this
community it is beautiful it is this
week like now $22 a month to join I just
did some research and found out that
it's about fifteen thousand to three
thousand dollars or fifteen thousand to
thirty thousand dollars for a mastermind
normally per year so I'm raising the
price I know right next week because
that's really what we're showing it to
do it is a true mastermind and then we
have that certification program so I
trained yoga teachers and holistic
health coaches on how to coach people
utilizing the Trotman method but also
how to like like I talked about how to
help people really accept who they are
figure out the tools that they need to
manage their own life and their own
blueprint so they can step into your
and your purpose is like everybody's
purpose is different it could be your
day job and it could just be that
fulfilling thing that's going to light
up your heart and light up the world
where you feel fulfilled doing it right
yep you can do it and there's I think I
obviously comes with mindfulness and
spiritual practices the quickest way to
get there and and make sure you're
healed
from all of that the trauma and all of
that stuff and and you're not triggered
anymore and you can just kind of test
yourself up I'm not triggered like you
you'll find you'll find situations that
you're in to like to kind of test you
and you're like up like sometimes people
will try to call me out on facebook or
they'll post post things that I don't
believe on my wall or whatever and you
feel that you want to really give it to
them that no okay you're still triggered
it's something's there and so you still
come in experiences like that but the
best thing to do like to fulfilling your
destiny of walking in it is to deal with
that stuff early on because if you do
get that job if you do start that
podcast you don't want to get triggered
I mean people come in to chat and and
say weird things and I mean always on
who's on a stream couple weeks ago and
there's people trolling getting in here
calling my guests a pedophile and all
kind of stuff is like it makes you want
to lash out and stuff you know and so
there could be anything and I like to
look at like Roseanne you know and I'm
saying who like with one tweet really
just undid her life's work within with
with one tweet and we could do that you
know what I'm saying if we're not like
conscious of every moment and everything
that we that we do first of all is being
healed from it and then making sure that
you stay healed from it making sure that
nothing triggers you because you
wouldn't want to bring that stuff with
you into your ministry into your podcast
it's an everyday thing so at your own
university we help people get healed and
stay healed for it and I do have my
private coaching
I work with some private clients now I
mainly do coaching and certification
programs that I do have a private
practice as well just solutions you get
calm yeah but it is about staying healed
and it's a commitment and and it's about
staying healed while continuing to grow
yeah right while continuing to find new
pieces and oh this works even better oh
right yeah and have a port of people
saying you matter yeah there's a
difference I know we can keep them on
all day but there's a difference I
really like laying on of hands I really
like Prayer feeling the energy releasing
it pulling it off of people like we do
it one on one counseling and over
livestream and all that something that's
powerful too but when we get one-on-one
with the person and let us pray for you
what you're going through offer healing
you see people manifest there's demons
that literally come out of people they
release it with tears with confession
and they find healing as they confess it
and find that peace there but there's a
dichotomy too because like there's it's
not it doesn't it's not always that easy
right you have to I don't think any of
us Eddie's you have to like continually
walk it out but I think a lot of times
you can start there with the prayer it
can start with the release or that
encounter with God and the divine but it
you have to do some of the work like you
have to continue to walk it out and
close those doors and make sure they
stay close and with the Bible says clean
up your house so that they don't come
back with seven times stronger you know
what I'm saying so there's a godly there
you go because some people I mean I
really do feel like these these things
come into our life for a reason whether
we attract them or whether God allows it
to build character or to teach us a
lesson we can't like really just pray
our way out of the storm I don't want to
be here
pastor pray for me you know and it just
go away like there's something we have
to get the lessons man and we have to
graduate so there's like a marriage of
the two because I really do believe that
um I really believe in praying laying on
but I really do believe in walking this
stuff out too you know yeah very
important yeah good stuff so everybody
make sure you check out her work her
website check out her singing for real I
have a song in mind that I may be able
to send you if you want to try to work
on something together
I had a producer send me a track he
wanted to work on and it was kind of
like 90s techno like Ace of Base sound
stuff so he wanted me to kind of wrap on
it but it was just so different and I
was like Matt when I heard you singing I
listened to one of your songs earlier I
was like man that would be so awesome on
this song of like this 90s in trance
type stuff we need to try to make
something happen over there send me a
shout-out check it out guys thanks for
coming coming on and putting up with the
internet and all the stuff with that
we're gonna edit it we're gonna make a
good episode out of I really enjoyed it
thank you my friend thank you
Lycia antica I enjoyed it good stuff
man coming out of that trauma you just
traumatized man something happened to
you when you were a kid when you were an
adult you like all men are pigs no
they're not just the ones that you pick
you know what I'm saying
it's just so many different things that
we go through and we experience in life
that uh we start judging other people
based on something that someone else did
that's really unfair honestly you know
all men are pigs no they're not you know
all you know all Mexicans or whatever
Trump said they were nothing not you
don't understand like all black people
are this all white people are that are
all rich people that was something for
me and be honest with you like all rich
people are snobby or all rich people or
snootier
they don't understand the struggle
whatever like we had these
weird ungodly beliefs that are not true
at all and we believe them we align
ourselves with them and we judge people
according to that and they're not true
so there's things that we what I had to
do I had to start meeting hanging out
with rich people God has a beautiful way
of teaching us you know I remember the
song by Bob Marley that talks about Joss
it with the highly Andy sit with the
lowly and man I remember just being in
this place of like some of our friends
that we hang out with I hang out with
homeless people like one of my good
friends is homeless you know and he
sleeps in like an abandoned old house
you know and he's a good friend
we hang out from time to time and then I
have another friend who was a
millionaire one of my daughter's best
friend the parents are millionaires they
own private jets and multiple houses and
yachts and all this kind of stuff and
it's really weird to be right there in
the middle and not you know be in
perfect peace with everyone and you
because you never know where God is
gonna bring you and you don't want to
mess up an opportunity by prejudging
them and uh and God really using rich
people to pour into our lives with
friendships and seeing how their regular
people and how they care and how they
invest in and and other people's lives
and stuff man and it really it it
changed me I come from the slums man we
come from the trailer park and from the
hood and you know I didn't have you know
rich friends growing up so that was an
ungodly belief that was in me that all
all rich people with this or that or
whatever the case hasn't bit enough I've
come to you know God blesses you and
then you have things and then you have
to respond and change and we all have
those things no matter no matter what it
is and what we're growing to see things
we tend to see things and people not as
they are but as we are we begin to see
them as we are from our biases and our
traumas and the things that have
happened to us and our preconceived
notions and racism
or you know being prejudiced or whatever
the certain type of things are people
and we don't see them the way they are
that's why I think our prayer should
continually be asking the Lord to give
us his eyes let it allow us to see
people the way that you see them let us
see situations let us see our lives the
way that you see us and that in and of
itself is a spiritual encounter to
really sit with God and allow him to do
a life review not be of your own fears
and failures and things like that but to
really be able to review your review
your life through the eyes and through
the lens of God being able to see all
things working together for your good
tying up the loose ends it didn't happen
to you
it happened for you and be able to take
your fears and failures and use them for
your own benefit and learning from every
situation you know and just you see the
things and situations change men asking
the father to see things how he sees
them and begin to learn what love that
love the things that God loves hate the
things that God hates entertain those
things and those are thoughts
accordingly right
it ain't that in and of itself can be
experienced very practically and through
learning and through experience but then
again through spiritual experience
there's nothing greater than just
getting in the presence of God and
letting him wash over you and renew your
mind and renew in me a right spirit man
and being in that presence and so all of
that I think that each time that we
enter into the presence of God we're
dealing with that trauma we're dealing
with trauma stress trials and I remember
I used to I still do but I used to like
when we would do sessions where people I
say look man put you on some good
worship music some Bethel music put it
on and just get what the father he knows
what you need man it says if we confess
our sins to him he's faithful and just
to forgive us to really get in the
presence of God and let his spirit wash
over you because in that place nothing
else matters
the trials the tribulation the bills I
mean the failure the gossip it's all
washed off you you get a better
perspective of your life
through the lens of God I'm telling you
it's in a place of simplicity it's in a
place of silence in the place where you
pray and meditate prayer is when we talk
to God meditation is where God talks to
us that we can receive his thoughts in
his ways because it starts to higher his
ways of deeper then not our thoughts we
have to renew our mind continually and
even after you've renewed your mind you
have to continue to renew your mind like
daily and make sure them other always
and setting them especially when you get
older man you get older you get better
and you get set in your ways look at all
the old people around you like a lot of
them are just set in their ways they're
not changing like you have you ever
talked to a know an older person about
computers and they're just like I can I
know I can't understand how to use a
computer I'll just make computers are
pretty easy to use
it's point-and-click just go to the
program click it go up the internet type
in what you want but there's this
ungodly belief and preconceived notion
that I'm not I'm never gonna be able to
use a computer and it was funny to see
even my in-laws for one who are you know
they're they're a lot older than us and
and to see them getting on Facebook in
social media for the first time and
retweeting and you're sharing post and
my wife is like my mom's always sharing
these dog posts with me like every day I
get seven or eight dog post and she's
scrolling Facebook and her mom's sharing
dog post and she had to figure out how
to use it and it's like oh that's for
the kids we're really Facebook's for the
older people now right kids don't even
use Facebook it was Facebook and I'll
say this to my brother my brother did
like eight years in prison and so when
all these smartphones and technology
rolled out to be what it is now Facebook
Instagram that what there was none he
went to jail when they had myspace so he
was like and then to see him get out we
really they uh he got a phone in there
somehow
and to see him go live at work-release
for the first time on Facebook and he
pushes the live button and he it's just
kind of looking up his nose the camera
is looking up his nose
and he's almost like a monkey with a new
piece of technology trying to figure out
how it's working and he's live
broadcasting on Facebook and it was just
so funny man so kind of precious to see
him come into this like what is this
technology you know but there's this
like a figuring things out yes you can
learn how to use that but old people
sending they get set in their ways and
we and I can I felt it coming on in the
past and examine yourself to see whether
you're in the faith examine yourself to
make sure that you're not being a
butthole make sure that you're just
you're being good you're being gracious
you're not pre conceiving everything and
prejudging things before it's a point in
time and as a scripture says and you can
do it and I felt that coming on before
whether it's through religion or just
being shut off to religion or anti
religion or whatever the case is or
being or towards politics or whatever
man you know what I'm saying over
there's different strokes for different
folks and just make sure that you're not
growing grumpy that when as you grow
your growing gracefully and if you're
setting your ways make sure their
righteous ways man make sure that loving
ways don't be the like a rude person and
it's sick it sticks it sinks in guys you
know where you are
you can look over your face your life
and and see when people mention a name
and you get mad when you hear about that
name or I remember what a friend of mine
the same friend who was who tried to
jump on that old lady during worship he
had a pastor that he disagreed with and
this is this is almost like borderline
schizophrenic hair but this guy he had a
pastor that he disagreed with his old
pastor who started having revivals and I
never revivals beginning to grow no no
this is what it was the pastor and his
wife went to her a revival that sparked
out here Mobile and this revival got so
big
Bay of the holy spirit revival that in
mobile that everybody began to come to
congregate at this one it was like the
Civic Center or whatever Convention
Center here in Mobile
and people from all over so all these
charges and all these pastors and people
and people come from all over the world
they would fly in to come to the revival
and my buddy he was watching the
livestream and he's seen that a pastor
and his wife his wife was like bound to
a wheelchair something something was
going on in her body that really
restricted her to a wheelchair she
couldn't walk and he watched that
livestream and he seen them they went up
to the front for prayer this pastor and
his wife and the Evangelist prayed for
the pastor's wife she stood up out of
her wheelchair and begin to praise God
and the glory of God fell and people
were getting healed and that lady got
healed that pastor's wife got healed
instead of my friend rejoicing of the
beautiful work of God he got mad because
he didn't like the pastor he punched his
computer screen and broke it while he
was watching the livestream he got mad
and just ah it just punched his computer
screen broke it because someone got
healed you need to check your heart you
saw getting mad whenever your enemies
are getting blessed Bible says to bless
them that curse curse you pray for them
that use you you're gonna get used pray
form it's a test
because in doing that you're gonna find
out that you're really praying for
yourself why and lacA shallick in we are
all connected namaste we are all one
that's not your enemy your enemy is
yourself you'll find out there in
blessing them you in term bless yourself
because everyone is an extension of you
you begin to bless your enemies look we
all have to do it I have friends I have
Judas's in my corner that I have to deal
with I have people who are you know
wanting to know what I'm doing so they
can run and tell other people I like I
got all these things after watch who
were in my in my circle and and I've cut
people off and out of my life and then
when people bring their name up it does
something to me still and I want you
know I get mad when they get blessed Oh
so-and-so is but but and they tell me
what's going on and a part of me is like
I'm I like hold on I have to check
myself hold on man and I will draw away
and begin to pray for them to ask God
because he told me to he said bless them
that curse you pray for them cuz in
doing so you're gonna you're gonna pour
hot coals upon their head because you're
supposed to be angry
you're supposed to be triggered you're
supposed to be gossiping even though you
might get caught up draw away and pray
man just bless them that's a beautiful
good experience in itself you want to
experience heaven encounter angels start
thinking of everybody who wronged you
because you got a list you remember and
you don't forget you forget other things
but you don't forget that start thinking
about them people who wronged you then
people who used you and abused you go
back we talk about childhood trauma
think about that person think about it I
remember I fell asleep in the wrong
people's bed before and woke up with
grown men breathing in my ear fondling
me like I had to forgive them maybe not
to their face they're gone but I have to
like forgive it you got to forgive them
in all kind of stuff we don't did we
don't get to people and people have done
to us and how be it in somebody's life
in somebody's mind you are one of the
people that they have to forgive because
you're going out there wronging other
people gossiping spreading rumors
somebody done told you things that
they're going through and you don't told
everybody and howbeit now that this
person when they hear your name they
have to pray for you come on now
what you done did you abuse somebody you
could be forgiven man whatever it is
show the same grace to others that you
need to be shown to you know Jesus said
it he said I've wronged people I've
robbed people beat people I've gossip
slander guess how I learned how not to
having people do it to me I believe in
it returns a hundredfold be not deceived
whatsoever a man soweth that he shall
also reap whatever you put out there
into the universe it's coming back
believe it you need grace you better
find somebody who's going through it
show him grace you need a friend you
better find somebody you could be a
friend to you know somebody everybody's
looking over go be a friend to them
somebody going through it you know
they're going through it go be a friend
because guess what just as the Sun moves
through all the houses of the zodiac
you're gonna have to eat your season is
coming and the things that you're sowing
are gonna come back as an array aroma
and a fragrance before the Lord your
arms are gonna reach heaven as the
scripture says it's going to come back
so make sure you're doing good things
make sure that these things that are
manifesting in the harvest is plentiful
make sure that harvest as plentiful is a
good harvest make sure the things that
are growing up in your garden are
beautiful things that you want not full
of rodents and rats and the cankerworm
and the mice and Oliver eating your
crops and eating your fruit you even
have to be one who is producing good
fruit it might not be in that season it
may be in the next you're gonna plant
something today
you're gonna water it tomorrow the next
day you're gonna make sure that it's
getting sunlight and you pull the weeds
or out of it and other shoo the birds
off you have to cultivate that ground
and make sure that when that season is
here that you you've done all that all
that you can do because it is as long as
Earth the earth is here there was will
always be seed time and harvest
it's going to happen God is not mocked
whatsoever a man so with that he will
also read man make sure you're doing the
good things man I stress it I'll deal
with it I learned I learned from it
listen I don't need to do like the whole
exposing thing like I used to do that I
used to like make exposed videos and and
preach outside that we did a lot of
crazy things preaching outside of
churches and then now that the shoes on
the other foot I've had people exposing
me and like doing write-ups and blogs
and the gossip and stuff and like the
way a good way to learn how to not
gossip about people is having people
gossip about you man he's off his rocker
he's bah-bah-bah some of this stuff
comes with the territory but make sure
you ain't giving them fuel for the fire
make sure you're not giving them fuel
for the fire I mean some of this stuff
comes with the territory
people talk it's what they do so but the
thing is don't grow weary in well-doing
and make sure that the god of the
harvest man will send the rain because
this God's the one who sends that it
gives II like we can do all the work but
it's God who gives the increase and for
one thing to be true the other has to be
true as well for for you to reap the
benefits and the harvest and sowing a
thought and reaping the Destiny and
cultivating these things that you're
trying to build for your life you have
dreams you have visions may help
somebody else with their dream and
vision I believe it a hundred percent
100 percent though there have been times
that I haven't had money to sew into
other people I've made sure that I've
sown my time and I've supported my port
in my wisdom and and just been a friend
when it when a friend was needed what
happens when you're a friend when you
need a friend who sends it God sends it
uh here comes a friend hey man I know
what you're going through you're gonna
make it you're gonna be okay you need
somebody to help you and partner with
you in ministry to help you start a
podcast to help you start
ministry how many people have you helped
in partnering with you got something you
can you can help man there's something
you can give it ain't all got to be
financially yeah we I have a lot of
financial supporters I think God for
each and every one even the ones who
just give a dollar that's all they can
do when you give it out you got a
thousand people giving a dollar it lets
us be able to continue to do this right
but if all I had was people giving money
I didn't have nobody here giving council
wisdom friendship I had any people that
I can pour out what I'm going through to
a group of people who believed in me
you know what I'm saying we need people
who are praying for you like you you
could do some of that whether it's for
me or whoever find those people that you
can partner with man because it takes a
tribe and every little bit helps one of
my enemies pointed that out to me he was
watching my uh my stream and he said you
know what only the only people you ever
thanked rusik on on the podcast is your
financial supporters you don't think you
don't you don't thank the people who
were praying for you you don't think the
people who were sharing your stuff and
blah blah blah you know and it made me
think and so you know what he's right
man I want to put an emphasis because
there's a huge emphasis on on the
financial side right without the finance
what about the finances this doesn't
exist this doesn't happen so there needs
to be an emphasis on it but then again
every bit of help partner people going
out of their way sharing retweeting
sending you words of encouragement hey
man your podcast has really blessed my
life I think God for you you brought me
back to the Lord I really like the way
you do down even the stuff they don't
like like if they're being genuine that
helps too it's called constructive
criticism you need to be able to take
that and you know some people can't take
it we may get in our feelings you know
we may not like it but it's worth it
like it's there for a reason so man
trust the process all of it all of it
you got to get that hunger from
somewhere
you got to reach deep down somewhere
like well I don't know where you are
listening to me I have I know people
that aren't duh right now listen to me
they're under a truck changing oil and
they don't want to be there you got to
get that hunger from somewhere man use
that motivation I know people that
listen to Walmart right now on their
lunch break listening to this they don't
want to be there there's greatness
inside of them they're not going to
become great when they get a good
podcast they're not gonna become great
they're great now and they need to
recognize that within themselves and
then other people will start recognizing
it you know who you are I can't tell you
who you are because you already know
because you read it in the scripture
because you got alone with God and let
him whisper in your ear and told you who
you were you don't need no man to tell
you who you were because the spirits the
one who's already raising you up without
that our chemical process that he's
doing within your heart transform
transforming base metals into fine gold
he's the one that doesn't know who you
are man reach deep down manifest
something all these podcasts especially
that's moving today dealing with the
trauma that's the that's not fun
but we got to do it daily not just one
time I can point back at over my life
these these experiences that really just
built my faith and really transformed me
and took me to the next level but if
it's not practical they're like I'm
doing it every day and I didn't learn
something from it it's of not it doesn't
mean anything but it's a daily
expression to change the way that we act
to change the way that we think the way
that we feel moving out the way that you
eat the stuff you listen to and stuff
you entertain moving out the company
that you keep the words that you speak
we tell you man
and just spirituality for the sacred
spirituality if you want to
it's about changing your life and
walking in the newness of life and
protecting that that seed of faith
that's within you to cultivate it let
that thing grow continue you're gonna be
able to partake of that fruit other
people are going to fruit don't lie
people lie an apple tree is not gonna
give you an orange okay how long you ask
it to an orange trees not gonna give you
a pear
a good tree is going to produce good
fruit a bad tree you know what they are
you for takin of the fruit cultivate
your own fruit produce good fruit help
people love joy peace patience
gentleness kindness meekness temperance
self-control like all of those things
and more verses fits of rage always
getting upset like just like there's
fruits of the spirit there's fruits of
the flesh as well works of the flesh
always getting upset always being a
victim always it's never your fault
everything's just happening to you gotta
move up out of that man you're just
sitting there spinning your tires in the
mud I got like a truck stuck in the mud
he can't get up out of it you'll be like
that tree planted by rivers of living
water and always flourishing and that
people will come to you people solicit
you you want to be somebody you already
are humble yourself under the mighty
hand of God and in due time in the right
season he will exalt you do your work do
what you're supposed to be doing stay
consistent but it is God who gives the
increase that's going to pay off and you
hard work pays off be faithful with what
you've been given the talents that
you've been given be faithful
see it through don't give up there's a
lot of reasons to give up a lot of
reasons you probably should've gave up a
long time ago but you still here you're
still here you're continuing on look
this motivation man this little truth I
didn't make I'm not even making none of
this up it's all scripture I'd be cool
if I made it up
I'm passionate about it but cuz I've
seen it at work in my own life I know
there's truth to it and also I'm just
simply whether I'm a teacher whether I'm
a preacher whatever you want to call me
at the end of the day I'm just sharing
with you what works for me that's one
thing I could speak on if it didn't work
I don't care about it it's the same with
you same with Lissa what Lissa what's
working how'd you get here oh let's try
it can everybody do it okay let's try it
what can it hurt the promises of God are
yes and amen nobody can take that away
from you if he's given you the vision he
will also bend space-time and reality to
give you the provision to see it through
all of it it's not too big if your
vision don't scare you
you need a new vision it stills I'm
still afraid of it it's beautiful though
enjoy the process trust the process man
thank you guys for watching this episode
of the truth seeker podcast again if you
would like to partner with me on patreon
I've tried to go above and beyond to
make sure that it's worth it's worth it
you get something it's not just a
podcast we have a large community of
people that are that we're just doing
life with and so if you're looking to
plug in go to patreon.com/scishow so you
could Thursday nights Sunday mornings we
have the private seer class in the
private school of the Mystics you get
access to that for a dollar or more any
level of giving gets access to the
Thursday nights and so this past
Thursday was really good and
yeah it's good stuff shoutout to
everybody watching in the chat you guys
are awesome with that i'ma say peace and
Shalom we're gonna do this again every
Tuesday and Thursday that's what we do
peace peace god bless
that does it for this episode folks to
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