Modern Day Soulja | Spirituality and Music
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_EFzjkKXMI
Transcript source: YouTube captions

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spiritual yo ladies and gentlemen how's
it going I'm true seeker this is the
true seeker podcast man excited
delighted to be with you guys again
today it's been a minute since I've done
a show we had our 18 year anniversary
last week and coupled it in with our
family vacation and then some of the
patrons some of the community came
together and purchased us extended to
stay at the beach and Destin so shout
out to the community and those people
who have done that you know who you are
I don't know everybody who had a hand in
it but thank you guys so much it meant
the world that you guys believed in us
that way so yeah I tried to do a show
last Tuesday and it was a the guests had
the time off the when trying to convert
the the time zones can be tricky so that
was also we wasn't able to do that but
hey we're back two weeks two weeks in a
weekend
I don't know everything runs together
had a blast oh man had a good time of
young-sam refreshing renewal get away
get a nature get in the beach get some
chlorine in my hair so we had a blast
spending time with family but we're back
into the swing of things I've been right
I've been writing a lot the last 2-3
days since we've been back and just
having so much revelation working on two
books at the same time putting out this
new EP that's coming out the first of
July so so much stuff coming down the
pipeline working with a bunch of people
working on websites writing blogs bunch
of stuff staying busy guys can't go any
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to do this and to do it at the capacity
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shout out to paula fields Thank You
Paula for coming on means the world that
you believe in my work and thank you for
partnering with me also Lisa
oa thank you as well and Julie Kehoe you
guys are awesome so shout out to you I'm
gonna go ahead and bring my guest in but
first I want to kind of preface this and
kind of talk a little bit about how we
met and so let's see this goes back to
2013 I believe it was so modern-day
Soldier aka Matthew Schuler was on tour
on a tour called the Christ
consciousness tour and he was coming
through the self at the time I think
they were headed from Texas or somewhere
and they were headed through the south
through connections I have a friend of
mine named Dustin who was actually in
the same hip hop group called three
kings with Matthew Monterey a soldier
and Andre Rahm so they were in the group
together on tour passing through and you
know we had connection so they hit me up
and said hey we'd like to stop and meet
we have a mutual friend and so we had
kindred spirits there they stopped we we
hung out they came over to the house and
it was crazy we got a lot of work in in
that one day of just building in the
spirit just on a friendship level as
well
but it was the first time I've ever done
this in the last time but we actually
sat down got a beat
we wrote a song wrote our verses and
recorded them usually I don't usually
write them in them record them but we
wrote a song recorded it and then went
and set up a set in my backyard and shot
the music video for me a verse that I
did I barely even knew the verse so I've
tried my best to say the parts that I
know for the music video and then half
of the time I'm saying other words that
don't fill in and so we just had to kind
of edit and cut it just right so it
looks like I knew all the words or
whatever but it was for the song
fearless anthem for the New Age so we
did that music video we set up a water
sprinkler that shot in the air that was
coming down like rain and it was a
really good video it was the best video
that I did up to that date and so we put
it out and we got a lot of traction on
that and a lot of people responded and
it was really cool but that was a lot of
work to go into write diverse record it
the video all in the same day so that
was awesome a we built in the spirit and
I'm excited to have this brother on my
podcast to build we hit we've talked
some over the years we've we've worked
on projects together and all that kind
of stuff but welcome to the podcast
modern day soldier aka Matthew Schuler
what's up brother welcome to the podcast
all the moves you've been making so it's
finally uh you know it's about to do
time that we you know we make this
connection for sure man it was funny cuz
like we're trying we're trying to book
it and you're like man I don't know what
to talk about man I don't know what I'm
gonna talk about I ain't got no projects
coming out I'm just you know I said dude
just follow my lead man there's a lot of
stuff that we can catch up on and any
questions that I have you know I'm
saying in any way that was gonna make
for a good conversation absolutely
because usually whenever I do an
interview it's always surrounding a now
my got coming out some type of project
something I'm doing and I rely recently
released a music video but I was like I
we don't you
I want to surround the whole interview
around that so it actually worked out
perfect that you're like you know what
let's talk about the tour you know even
though I was back in 2013 we were
actually you know we're gonna release a
documentary about it you know about 60
years later but it's it's you know it's
it's better late than never so it's it
worked out perfect that we're gonna talk
about this you know can that was a great
day and a great meeting the great
session that we had with you you know
because we were doing music all
throughout the United States and place
at that particular stop in Alabama man
when we did that song and then that
video it was definitely timeless for
sure dude it was awesome it still is so
yeah if people haven't seen that make
sure y'all go over there to its on
youtube type in if you type in true
seeker and modern-day soldier is
definitely gonna come up but let's start
I want to go into the Christ
consciousness thing a little bit more we
talked about the tour where there's a
bunch of stuff I want to talk to you
even with that name but just kind of
give a background really quick about who
you are what you bring to the table for
those who have never heard of you yes
and I do uh you know spiritual kind of
conscious music I've been doing music
since man 2000 and 2006 when I graduated
high school
independent artists I've been a part of
a few groups and you know I'm still
going at it I got a couple albums on
iTunes YouTube you know Google Play
Spotify and man my music is just all
about positivity all about upliftment
all about you know consciousness about
you know oneself and and just about
spreading love you know I never really
got into the whole trend of the music
industry you know I've always been about
kind of critiquing myself and and and
always like listening to my music to see
how can I better it but but a lot of
times I get a lot of feedback from
people that my music is is really unique
and really original to to me as an
artist and like I said I'm you know I
never really followed any trends so I
really have a specific sound I guess you
could say and modern-day soldier that's
Sol so I really you know I really
connect to the spirits and the soul you
know I'm all about you know I'm saying
that the spiritual side of the music and
this you know talking about God talking
about you know nondenominational you
know kind of type of religious music and
just talking about what I believe
spiritually you know
mentioned God to five because one of my
biggest influences so I remember how to
park would always speak to God and his
music you know I'm saying I always
thought that was really unique and he
really inspired me so I kind of do the
same and my music but with my own little
twist on it for sure man
yeah I wanted to talk to you a little
bit about that too the whole I mean you
actually put out an album inspired by
Tupac remix in a lot of his songs what
was the inspiration behind that just who
he was as an artist as as a conscious
you don't saying individual and things
like that that kind of inspired you or
what yeah that was kind of like my
tribute to him so a lot of people you
know I may get some some backlash and
people saying oh you're trying to be
like Park and you know this and that so
but really that was my tribute to Park
almost like to say thank you you know
I'm saying as being like the one
inspiration of music because a lot of
people say who inspired you who do you
who do you listen to or you know who's
influenced your music and back in the
day we so listen to a lot of Bone Thugs
and I think you mentioned something like
that that was one of these we used to
listen to what Park was the one artist
that really just spoke to me you know
I'm saying I never really had any other
like musical influences that really
inspired me to like you know to do music
or just on a level I used to be an
athlete so I memorized to be listening
in a park-like you know during my
training and warming up and you know I'm
saying then he would you know he would
inspire me in so many different ways
whether it was like you know physically
just to get me going or like on a mental
level where he would like speak to me on
so many different topics and subjects
about about life about love about going
through the struggle because growing up
I grew up in a town called Bassett
California La Pointe Lee California for
all my all my followers and you know all
my people that I grew up with and it was
a really tough town you know I'm saying
my brother was a was a gang of victim of
gang violence I had two other friends
that were victims of gang violence and
those are like my best friends and I had
another friend that died of drugs so
when I was growing up it was really
really tough and you know channels
popularly spoke about a couple of those
things about you know how you know gang
banging and all the different you know
things that were going on in LA and just
that kind of culture you know and but he
spoke to it on a positive side you know
he spoke about the negative
he also spoke about how you know I'm
saying it was really you know about the
about the love and and just you know he
gave the other the other side of the
coin when he was speak on the music it
wasn't just all negative and all just
gang banging it and super um you know
I'm saying it wasn't all about the crime
and and whatever he always gave that
positive twist to it right so my music I
feel like it has that same thing out
I had an album called spiritual warfare
which probably heard and and it I
finally was talking about all the you
know saying the drugs the crime the you
know the the sex all the the negative
influence we have in our life but then I
turned it you know into like I said how
it makes us who we are going through
that struggle going through all those
different all the different experiences
it really made me who I am you know I'm
saying so even my brother you know it
really me as an artist you know saying
modern-day soldier once again its
soldiers and sou out but the soldier of
you know of me as a person is me going
through that me getting through that and
me kind of learning and persevering you
know I'm saying cuz I like anybody right
you go through a big experience like
that you have two choices right you
could give up and and life ain't worth
it or you could you know I'm saying turn
it into who you are as a person you know
in turn a internally and and basically
I've been honoring my brother's life
ever since with my music so you know
saying life is a war you know saying we
all live our own battles and I really I
really hold to that testing this so like
that's what modern-day soldiers all
about and when I gave tribute to Tupac
you know I'm saying it was just a song
it was a remix of all his beats or like
be said I really like to piss and and
that was just my tribute to him like I
thank you right like thank you for kind
of like inspiring me musically in
general yeah man I mean who's that um
just did that as well he put out a
whole album called Boop hawk compared
himself to to like don't say the new to
pot laboux see so he caught flak for
that too but uh it's interesting man to
look at POC and see how he was an
inspiration to a lot of people right and
and in the fact that a lot of people say
that you know to pot was I notice him
bipolar because on one side he's talking
about gang violence and um retaliation
imma be the last one breathing I'm gonna
kill off all my enemies
the baddest one out here and then the
other stuff he's got respect yourself
come together in love peace unity
harmony take care of the streets take
care of your mama you'd heard I'm saying
all of this stuff so it's like you have
the conscious side of him or you have
this stuff that you know you probably
don't want your grandparents here and
you listen to you know what I'm saying
yeah and I didn't obviously I didn't go
and say okay I'm gonna be drive-bys and
do this some of the we talking about
I really obviously connected more to the
you know to the love and all the the
conscious that they were speaking about
but but obviously growing up in that era
growing up in that neighborhood you know
I'm saying you had to have a tough side
too you know so so listen to his music
really kind of like you know anything I
like said even and even athletically it
would pump me up you know I'm saying I
didn't go and do the things he was
saying but just from a musical component
it had a lot of great energy I loved his
voice like his voice is really powerful
to me so when I artists today like it's
hard for me to attach myself to certain
artists and they don't have a very
strong powerful voice yeah you know and
that's something when I do find a new
artists and say hey man I like this
artist and it's typically I something to
do with this voice you know obviously
and then what he's saying but Tupac I
thought I had at all he had the voice
you know I'm saying he had the lyricism
I really loved his lyrics what he was
saying and then musically men had the
beats you know working with Dre and all
this all the just a sound sonically I
really loved the music and and then on
top of that he's Fla he spoke to me like
say growing up in the era that I grew up
growing up you know in the neighborhood
that it grew up and you know cuz I did
have to have a tough side to me so even
though I hope you sang around with gang
members and stuff like that I never
really you know I didn't end up being in
the gang but you know saying you still
have to be a tough you know you started
to have a tough side so you growing up
where I grew up so Tupac really man he
he did a lot for me you know and he was
probably one artist I did a lot for me
cuz I didn't listen to too many thugs
and you know a lot of oldies and stuff
like that so Doublemint yeah I felt like
he you know saying he had a he had a
little something for everybody you know
and and that was the cool thing about
him is you know no matter what what
you're going through or kind of what uh
what you're into like you had a little
bit of kind of something for for
everybody yeah man
it's crazy to listen to his music into
like you have a lot of people who like
talk bad about especially from the
Christian community I can't listen to
that and for me there's a lot of songs
yeah obviously you don't want to listen
to the retaliation songs and the
shoot-'em-up songs and stuff like that
but it's almost like he was like a
psalmist man he was like it when you
read the Psalms of David and then you
read Tupac's lyrics help me God my
enemies are coming for me I need help
like in he's literally like you're
saying he's travailing in the Psalms
asking God to help him to protect them
to give him a way out and then you read
Psalms David's like my enemies are
coming for me they're on every side
trying to kill me I don't know what to
do I'm trying to make the right
decisions it's like wow you know to pot
was like a solace man you know would
that be said like he was genuine and he
was an artist but he was a human you
know saying in like his human side came
out in his music like you said whatever
that's how you know what he was going
through and I think a lot of people
respect him because when they hear his
songs and when they hear the evolution
of his music it's like man you can see
at one point he was literally fearing
for his life or he was he knew he was
talking to God like hey man like today's
my last day you know I'm saying every me
against the world all eyes on me
you know he knew his time was gonna come
and that's why a lot of people say he
was a prophet this and that but when he
would speak to God like in his lyrics
when you would hear him speaking to God
asking for favors or you know for
whatever was it's like you you could
hear he was going through and he would
put it in his music he wasn't just
fabricating all this stuff you don't say
a lot of people say he did you know I'm
saying he was like an act or whatever
because he was a smart he was a smart
guy born on the East Coast he went to
the Jubilee School of Music I think it
was and you know so you know great back
here
yeah actor you know the poet and that's
another thing like so when I started
music I started doing poetry so like to
learn he was a poet and sweet his poems
like I just connected with him on
different levels and like I said he was
genuine with his music you know he
didn't hide who he was in his music he
put his genuine feelings and like what
he
going through his emotions and like said
his spirituality you know so he never
said he was Christian Catholic this
night he just was speaking on what he
believed and like he obviously believed
in a higher power and at that time I
don't remember too many artists speaking
speaking to God speaking about God and
like so that opened me up even
spiritually right like I was you know
kind of bouncing around you know when
you're younger well you don't know what
to believe me you don't know you just go
by your instinct and your intuition and
I feel like he opened my eyes as far as
you know you know on a spiritual level
as well yeah there's something about a
man to say like you know I listen I
listen to a lot of Christian music
listen to a lot of gospel whether it was
gospel rap growing up or whatever but
it's something different when you hear
your favorite secular rapper put out a
gospel song I mean now we mentioned his
name will get thrown under the bus but
our Kellie's gospel songs are amazing
he's got some he's his songs you listen
to it kind of make you want to cry talk
about the power of prayer and time out
these different situations and scenarios
where God steps in and saves you and man
they're really powerful DMX lord give me
a sign like that song when that came out
it's like wow all the even bone dogs and
harmonies talking about the cross roads
and things like that when your favorite
secular artists put out these gospel
songs it's like hold on
these dudes aren't in the Christian
music industry these guys can make
whatever song they want and they're
really um saying you could tell they
really mean it when when it when DMX is
crying law get me a side lady this man
is really seeking after a side you know
you get it's a it's a genuine right yeah
we grew up in a unique era like you know
I feel like you could still find some
good artists the music you hear in
today's you know generation but I feel
like we grew up in such a unique era as
far as musically
you know even like me and my buddy would
talk about it like some of the cartoons
we used to watch and like just the
golden air itself was like snow ecology
without the social media without the
phones like you know and funny because
my music video I just released is called
back in the day so I try to portray how
we grew up you know saying doing little
people like ding dong ditching and a lot
of skating and we separate that and you
know and just like little things that we
to do as kids to like really kind of you
know enjoy the time and past the time
you know without all the the digital
technology that we have today it was
yeah you you had to walk down the you
know down the street and knock on your
friend's door to even you know CB was
home you know you had a you know you
could call about my buddy having a
rotary phone where you had to do the you
know this Grandma's house in his
grandma's home but you got to do the
dial or you had a you know down all the
buttons and hello operator you know it
was really unique time and and you know
and I guess I I feel like musically we
were blessed to really like grow up with
some of these artists you know a lot of
these artists are making their comebacks
they're doing the tour's now like all
those this still torrent they have to
yeah let's change bro they can't just
sit up in the mansion anymore like they
have to get out there and I'm saying
tour and sell merch and and and you know
saying get the money that way because
they can't just you know I'm saying rely
on the album sale did nobody really even
buys albums they'll find the best two or
three songs off the album buy them and
that's it you know and so they have to
get out there and tour like some of the
big acts which is it's kind of cool in a
sense because now we get to meet them
now we get to go to a hole-in-the-wall
club and meet our favorite artists
because they have to get out in tour
right they not just doing these huge
arenas anymore man like like you said I
I knew they had to do it because I was
like these guys are older like you could
tell they're little older now and they
don't right now here nice thing they're
sunglasses they're doing their thing and
you know and I was like man I was like
how plays it how much is it a necessity
versus like we want to be doing this on
stage like touring going through their
cities yeah you know but either way give
me that one the first time I seen them
and I saw it's so grateful to see them
you know because I said growing up
listen their music you know it's great
when you get to see one of your favorite
artists you know those that you grew up
on - and then the Internet as well
though like I've been able to talk to a
lot of my favorite artists over the
years like I actually interviewed Bizzy
Bone right he's my like he's him I may
put him on a pedestal above Tupac like
honestly like I'm diehard crazy busy to
party those are my three but I had I had
the chance to talk to him for a two-hour
interview because of the internet
because of Technology
so many other people your worship
leaders and people that when I was
younger I looked up to and they were
just like on this pedestal that seemed
unreachable but now you slide in their
DMS you hit them up with a message on
Instagram hey we'd like to be on my
podcast
sure let's make it happen what my
favorite artist just replied and said
sure let's make it happen it's insane
man you know into do collabs with them
and things like that and it's just it's
life is funny like that too you know
looking at myself you know saying 20
years ago it's a little kid riding the
bus drawing the images on the back of
the bone thugs album you know all that
kind of stuff and then I'm you know 20
years later whatever I'm talking to my
favorite I'm talking to the dude you
know just insane man I think I've seen
that interview or that that yeah the
interview deal with them I think it was
a it was a audio interview right yeah oh
yeah no I definitely listen to that can
once I found out you're doing that or I
think I I didn't listen to a lie but I
found out about it after I want to go
listen to that - because I said busy he
was one of the probably the more popular
you know of all the bone thugs cuz he
had that high-pitched voice and you know
he can have that little melody you know
he was honestly great to see you'd be
doing that too because like I said
that's the thing about technology right
like the gift and the curse you know you
could get sucked in or you could use it
for its potential and what it's you know
like the value of it yeah it's it's
interesting man like I mean there's a
lot of people who are following my work
because I networked with busy bones to
set up the interview and they're you
know they were busy bone fans they found
the interview they loved it they loved
it whether it's just from like an
intellectual spiritual side or even then
they've got a chance to hear my music
and they're like wow you're inspired by
Bizzy Bone & Bone Thugs and not now
they're fans right because of you know
networking like that in the same way
with us you know we kind of cross
pollinate and things like that I
remember you know uh you know some
people still drop your name in our
discord in our community and stuff and
asking me to get you on the podcast and
hear your story and stuff like that so
yeah then that was back in 2013 we did
that song you know so it's just it shows
you just a
power of the Internet and cross promo
and networking man yeah absolutely
that's a that's a blessing and like you
said you know it that day we we got to
meet you and do that song with you it
was that whole tour was so crazy you
know we went around the u.s. I think
that was the second year that we did it
and you know but to go to state to state
in a car and a Honda you know drive in
and stop it in in different states and
do it you know meeting up with people
that we had musical connections with
family friends a family and just
networking and doing music like on the
road like it was like a tubewells almost
like I think a whole month month and a
half yeah that was a real enlightening
experience and you know so to have you a
part of that like that's always gonna be
you know saying that's something I'm
never gonna forget I'm always gonna have
with me you know and like you said it
was almost like meant to be you know I
figured like we all took our paths since
then we've all been doing our own thing
but definitely that was a portion in our
in our lives that we could always like
retract to and go back to it and like I
said just part of the history right
we're writing our own books of life and
it that's like one chapter that's one
one page and and you know and that's
something that we could always look back
to it and and learn from a bill from you
know so I feel like you know that was
definitely a moment in sanh that that
I'll never forget and and you know and
and then obviously we have the music
videos always go back yeah man it's
proof that we did it well let me ask you
about that too let's let's get into the
more spiritual side just a little bit
deeper I mean even just the term the
Christ consciousness tour where did that
name come from and why did y'all pick
that for the name of the tour Christ
consciousness you know you know with my
brother Andre around we really we set
out to do you know to do something where
we wanted to go on the road and kind of
just and just get out of the matrix
right we kind of want to get out of the
day-to-day things that we were doing you
know and the cry Christ consciousness
basically we he kind of can't coin the
idea and coin the turn you know but
basically what it was is we wanted to
show like a non-denominational
nondenominational way of you know
spirituality or
people that believed you wanted to
connect everybody who was a believer so
like Christ you know the term for you
know another word for God because at the
time when we when you said Christ within
Christianity right but Christ you know
with the term for like the Christ right
whether it was you know like for like
basically a high like God and the higher
power the Christ so you know Christ
consciousness was like a consciousness
of the Christ writing whether whatever
you believe right you could have been
Muslim you could have been Christian
Catholic Buddhist was you know so we
really just wanted to connect with you
know a lot of different people on the
religious side spiritual side Moore's
more so yeah we wanted to kind of you
know we were literally going on the road
and teaching people we had like some you
know kind of heated discussion with
people who are like pure Christians
right and if Jesus all the way Jesus is
mad and we knew Jesus was a powerful
figure in history in the Bible and many
other religious texts but at the same
time we knew you know at the same time
Jesus himself promoted love across all
nations and across you know everyone he
met so he never promoted Christianity in
a sense so Christ consciousness was
basically to kind of you know bring
about that knowledge of self right first
of all knowledge of self because you
know you know everything is comes from
within so and then also to kind of
spread that love across all different
you know religions spiritualities and
just like say Christ being the the
center right because Christ not meaning
Jesus but Christ meaning like the Christ
like God right so whatever you believe
nondenominational didn't matter what you
were we felt like we were able to
connect what you want a spiritual level
just based on you know you know God
itself right and so we were trying to
you know connect all the dots and you
know but we were just friend and love
like Jesus would have done like when you
was from in the Roman earth and you
everyone he met she was healing he was
with the sick the blind you know the
prostitutes and you know we we didn't we
didn't judge nobody we didn't have no no
judgment no pre believe we just went out
there and connect with different people
and letting them know that like I said
hey love is the way right kind of like
Jesus taught it you know and but yeah
Christ conscious in a sense we'll just
enough
'national way for us to you know to go
and kind of connect with different
religions and different you know
different people that had different
beliefs you know try to kind of bring
them all together to through love and
like you know through ourselves Christ
consciousness so that's that's what it
kind of was you know he coined the term
but we just went with it we felt like I
had such a ring to it and such a power
to it you know so everybody everybody
who we met that we said oh yeah you know
the price-cost or everyone had a like
kind of like like raised eyebrows oh
what's that you know so when they ought
about that question that's what gave us
the leat the segue to be like this is
what we believe is what we're promoting
this is what you know we believe in o
start the conversation so we had a lot
of beautiful conversations with people
all across the u.s. and and we had a lot
of we had a lot of people that we met
that were you know had a lot of you know
a lot of spiritual power like we met
with them people from like we met with
monks we met with you know people that
were Christian and you know but Christ
consciousness that always was
consciousness of the Christ or yourself
and just kind of just like I said you
know knowing that that's like the source
right yeah it's interesting man um I'm
trying to wait in here something's going
on with the connection I'm trying to
make sure we're still connecting this is
insane okay there we are
yeah that's a that's a big thing when we
talk about Christ consciousness and and
what is the that and is it Jesus and so
people want to you know if we mention
that or we're talking about Jesus
they're like I'll get messages in the
stream they'll say okay are you talking
about Jesus or the Christ and so to me
it's the same thing like Christ Jesus
you know he he is the Christ there's a
lot of different belief systems out
there I don't know how much you studied
it I know Dustin has gotten into some of
it because I think we discussed this a
little bit about someone becoming a
Christ or he kind of fit the role to
become the Christ and things like that
like Jesus but eventually but he wasn't
predestined to be the Christ but he
became in you know things like that
there's a lot of different analogies and
and understandings when it comes to that
philosophical belief but to move past it
the term Christ because that's broad
Jesus kind of narrows it down
a little bit more for you what is your
experience with Jesus like have you do
you come from a religious background do
you pray in the name of Jesus like what
is your encounter or have you even
encountered the person we call Jesus
versus even the Christ term yes my
background is kind of kind of odd or
unique so my dad he's a he was raised
Jewish and and then he you know he came
out hills from New York so he came right
here to the California met my mom and my
mom I don't know if she was Christians
you know how she was raised but she was
more like I'm a Christian Catholic
background and so I was never really
like baptized you know so I just kind of
was raised and kind of like was you know
raised you know on my own to kind of
figure myself out I wasn't raised I
didn't have a Bar Mitzvah you know it
wasn't baptized and you know Christian
so I was kind of you know figuring the
hallway out fingering long self out kind
of just like said all the kind of
looking within finding my you know my
well my intuition kind of feels but I
noticed that I'm always you know I've
always known like even from a young age
I always knew that there was something
more like I remember um I remember we
had a homework assignment probably like
back to like third grade type of thing
and and they were kind of like asking
you what do you you know do what do you
believe in you believe in like
reincarnation or like do you believe in
you know like different things like that
and I remember I stuck to reincarnation
at the time as a kid only because as a
kid I couldn't comprehend that you died
and all you see is black dye so I
remember like a simple thought of as a
kid like there's no way you die and
that's it like I don't you don't just go
to the blackness always felt like
there's something more so even as a kid
as that child intuition
I always knew there's something more to
life you know saying this under more to
this universe and now growing up I'm
just so in tune with like nature you
know I really love like like simple
things like the trees the flowers you
know the the aquatic life you know and
and and I just when I look around when I
think I just know that there's so much
more to life right because everything is
so in tune with each other
everything is so works together and it's
so perfectly right that I'm like this
cannot happen
accident right like this whole like this
whole universe is a world like us as
humans right all our body parts are
organs like you know people talk about
evolutionists and that ultimately I know
there's you know it's too perfect to be
my accident my chance right so that's
kind of always been my big and but
reading like a couple years ago I was
actually about me and a couple friends
we got baptized you know and by a
Christian you know in a Christian Church
so they did baptize me after this one
might have been like around the time
that I did the tour I think this fire
around 2013 so you know and I do pray
laughter you know I try to pray as much
as I can you know but when I heat or
like you know when me and my girlfriend
we pray before dinner time and stuff
like that so but once again I never you
know I do believe in Jesus you know I
know that Jesus is away the light you
know I'm saying the Savior but I'm just
not so much religious right so I don't
like I don't like religion is for the
sack that I don't like to condemn other
people for what they believe or what
they don't believe you know I'm saying
so but um but I know across all
religious texts that Jesus is a is a you
know a main figure in the main you know
mainstay in a lot of spiritual and
powerful books so like speaking about
the Christ like you mentioned I know
like for example they in the Krishna
temple which we also visited the Krishna
temple were on the tour they believe in
and Buddha as the Christ right so our
Krishna right so we have all these
different Christ Krishna Buddha Jesus
but it's like you know at the same time
we felt like everything is is all these
religious texts and all these different
religions we they have like the same
story or the same it's like a dip it's
like a different story or like a
different how do you say like a
different like you know like the same
story but like a different flavor right
or a different time different nerves or
something yeah so but yeah me personally
I do believe in Jesus you know say I'm
not I was baptized Christian you know as
recently but I don't hone the
Christianity say I'm a Christian I go
Sam you know
baptizing Christian but it just you know
for me I'm one of those I guess I'm like
in-between right why I know there's a
god like I you know I pray to God or try
and Jesus name but I feel like everyone
has their own truth right and I just
know there's for me I know there's more
to heart of life and even when like my
main thing was when my brother died oh
that's like a big thing in my story you
know I'm saying and I had to like I had
to really believe that you know I'm
saying my brother's not gone from my
life I really had to believe that my
brother's still with me spirits leave
I'm saying where I'm and where i'ma meet
him again so for example like you know
I've been dreaming a lot lately so you
know and I'll see him in a dream every
now and then I'll see other friends that
I passed away in my dreams and and like
for me like I said that's always you
know we like an affirmation now I must
see him one you know again after in a
better place at there in the spiritual
realm that there in another you know
they're you know that they're good you
know I'm saying in Psych and now that
was like my main thing so when he passed
I was like I'm gonna see him again and
that's always been keeping me kind of
going right so and that's not like that
you know and a lot of words and that's
kind of more or less what I believe but
I do believe in Jesus but I don't I
don't shun anybody else that doesn't or
that believes in any other any other
type of religion type of belief so I'm
just kind of like you know whatever
people believe is not good not bad but
like one day we're all gonna figure it
out right yeah yeah yeah I get what
you're saying man I have a lot of people
on here who believe that and I think a
part of me whether if I believe that I
definitely cater to that you know what
I'm saying I cater to those people who
are just done with religion who are just
been shunned from the church because
they're different because they're this
and a lot of them still like you say
spray the Jesus a lot of them still have
that core belief or foundation even in
Christ they started there but they don't
finish there just because of religion
it's nasty it's dirty it separates it
it's uh you know you just doctrines and
religions of men that exalt themselves
over God and Christ Commandments you
know the simplicity of love and so that
if you're keeping that commandment love
you're fulfilling the whole law
and that that is the truth that the true
religion man is just a walk in love
towards everyone so I think you got to
figure it out when it comes to that you
know that's the thing right Jesus when
you when you study Jesus when you learn
about Jesus in the Bible you know he he
basically was he was loved right he
showed love and and like you said it's
almost like just being a good person
right it's like you know and non gems
like be not judgmental you know showing
love to those like your neighbor I love
your neighbor honor your father like but
Jesus I said he she was like he was the
way right the way the like he was the
example you know I'm saying so it's like
I feel like you know he provided like
said the example of how we should live
you know kind of humble and uh and uh
you know a life of like said love and
and and that's like the way right so he
didn't say like okay you have to be part
of this religion or you have to be part
of the church or did you have the bleep
you show by his actions you know I'm
saying so me like I try to walk those
steps obviously we're not perfect right
so I have to make mistakes or my mind
goes here and there which I need to
correct myself but but I do try to live
my the you know the truth and you know
the Christ right and Jesus himself try
to leap leap by his example yeah you
know I walk in yeah man you know for the
early believers in early mystics and and
even people from other you know I
wouldn't call them religions but from
other spiritual paths they claim to be
followers of something that they called
the way right I'm a follower of the way
in and I knew it others like a
reformation of Christians who they would
not even call themselves Christians they
say well you know we're religion are you
I'm a follower of the way and so they're
kind of bringing that back out and and
there's a lot of people who when you
when you break down some of the texts
they would they believe that Jesus was
saying not that I am the way but I am a
follower of the way like I am of the way
as well you know this path of love this
path of righteousness so there's a lot
of different opinions and stuff when it
comes to that but again love conquers
all your religion is nothing it's
possible so just it's dung it's you know
I'm saying filthy rags if you're not
walking in love I mean that's what it's
about it's about love and it's a few if
you missed that
you've missed it all right and um just
just to think about Jesus like who he
was he was loved manifested into a
person like if God's love became a
person and dwelt among men
that's Christ you know that's Jesus and
so that's what we're supposed to be
that's what we're supposed to do we're
supposed to love and forgive and all
that and that's supernatural to like
that's just not it's not it should be
common sense but it's not right it kind
of goes above and beyond to help people
and and even you know I kind of think
that in the in the scripture men like
those people were like a more primitive
people they had to be told not to kill
somebody right hey don't kill anyone and
we know because the Bible says that the
law is written upon our hearts now that
he's written in his law now if we steal
something we know we got to look around
make sure no one sees us and still it
back then they just took stuff like
there wasn't nothing so they had to have
her written in law and shown to them on
paper hey do not steal oh wow so now
this the newness in Christ and a new
covenant like he was written his law
upon our hearts so we know when we're
sinning against God we know when we're
lying stealing cheating lusting over
another man's wife or whatever this
stuff is written upon our hearts you
mentioned that when you're doing when
you're doing that when you're serving
others and when you're when you're
loving others and and you know saying
then you feel the power behind that so
that's what I really experience too is
when I'm doing the right thing I feel
such a power behind it I feel like
things work you know saying the universe
almost works for you right everything
kind of comes together it works
perfectly when you're trying to do the
right thing right when you're walking in
love when you're when you're being
righteous when you're serving others
right when you're not for yourself but
you're kind of doing for others and
Jesus would have right when you you know
you think about your fellow man your
neighbor love thy neighbor I feel like
the doors open up so much and it's like
I just feel like the power behind it I
feel like you you feel it in yourself
that like hey man this is this is the
way right that's that's how I sometimes
feel when I'm when I'm trying to you
know trying to honor Jesus and trying to
like kind of live by those standards and
like you said not only do you feel when
you're when your minds you know thinking
about this going this way or or if you
do judge somebody not even thinking
about it you
bad about it right or lease me I feel
like I feel bad and I gotta like correct
myself and then on on the other side
like I said when you're doing the right
thing it just I feel like so much you
feel so much of the power of you know
I'm saying of God and Jesus and at the
same time they start opening up for you
right so when you're doing the right
thing like they say the universe kind of
works for you right doors open yeah you
know and that's kind of it was been
going on with me when I'm you know in my
life just just little things like little
game is at the conquer like little
battles at the fight you know as much as
I'm like I like I kind of want to be a
being you know normal human beings just
do what I want to do right but I noticed
when when I do strive for better when I
strive you know to be who I think I
should be I noticed that doors and
pathways are opening up and it's kind of
reminder like hey you riding you're on
the right path you're doing the right
thing and like I said then you also feel
that power when you are helping others
you know I'm saying so I love to help
others any way I can and I feel like you
do feel a sense of power and a sense of
love a sense of relief and a sense of
joy you know like they say you do for
others but really it gives you alright
yeah for sure man you know we do a lot
of you know prayer and spiritual healing
and things like that and just whenever
we're in that I'm getting ministered to
just as much because I'm like in the
flow of that energy and praying and I
know I'm doing the right thing and you
know whether we're leading somebody to
Christ or baptizing someone like I feel
like there's like an like in eternal
value that we're doing something that
has an eternal weight to it that's gonna
last on the other side like like you
really helping people and so there's
like a dis sense of gratitude that would
you get from from doing that that
there's nothing like it and you know
that hey this has weight to it when you
when you're helping someone when you're
going above and beyond and then you live
a lifestyle of that right you live a
lifestyle of just laying yourself down
for your brothers and sisters and to
help people and nurture them and speak
you know I'm saying the best you be able
to see the best in those people and
speak it out and help cultivate that
believe in people even when they don't
believe in themselves and so this this
whole spirituality in it it's in
Christianity it's in all the religions
it's it transcends religion it's it's
really about
walking in the spirit of love and so
whoever learns how to do that to
whatever capacity man is uh it's it's
very attractive to it to anyone no Baba
says that love covers a multitude of
sins you know and against love there is
no records of wrong so whatever you do
out of love is always right man you know
a great example I hear is a in LA
there's a lot of homeless there's man
the homelessness has been it's been it's
so much like expanding there's so many
more people on the streets now and with
me personally like so one of my things
is when I see somebody on the streets I
have so much compassion for them right
like but at the same time there's always
that like them you know people think
differently right so I know there's
always that like all these people need
to get a job right are these people like
they're just beggars Ryan they're not
doing for themselves they just want to
like leech off other people and and you
know some are like you know there's
always a theory that these people
actually are just doing it because they
make a delivery off of it right when
they could be doing others so like well
whenever I'm at the corner of a freeway
exit or you know fungone in the store
and I hear people that they're asking me
for change or when I I knew you I don't
carry cash you know I'm saying but like
I just always feel that need like I need
a helper person I need to do something
for them even if it's just like a simple
like hey man like you know I you know
either offer them to buy something to
eat so that's funny because out here
it's crazy so you'll see a homeless or
gentleman asking you for money and
you'll say you know you hungry I'll buy
you some meat and they literally insists
like I need to cash you know like and I
get about the same time hey man I don't
have cash but I'll buy you something to
eat you know when like obviously they
either day some of them might want the
money for the drugs alcohol whatever
they need sir - kind of like for their
addictions and stuff and and I try like
I don't judge but the same time always
have this calling and need like I need
to help this for I need to be
compassionate with this person you know
or I need to even like a simple
acknowledging them right so a lot of
times people won't even look at them
they won't even acknowledge up I'll
Elise try to acknowledge them and say
hey like you know you know peace of love
and like you know God bless you and like
you know Lee's giving that
acknowledgement that third person
they're human being you know like that's
like the least
do you know because a lot of times are
either completely ignored and shunted
you know some people even like said
judging me as far as like you know they
need to get a job this mess so there's
both sides to it but that's the one
thing I hear that I do with almost like
every day like seeing these people have
such a big compassion you know for them
and to help them and you know I'll do my
best you know to get back at my rep
change I'm at the freeway out you know
whatever changes in my car I you know I
try to give and you know that's like one
of my things personally yeah there was a
comedian some time ago they put like it
was like a song that was done to a
comedians voiceover whatever and it was
a part I was like talking about the
homeless in the city it's like you know
I see that I see those homeless people
out there and you know I think twice you
know I'm saying should I give him
some money should I help him out and I'm
like you know what I'm you know I'm
gonna I'm gonna help him he's got people
are judging them you know if I if I give
them money where they gonna do take the
money and buy alcohol with it he said
yeah that's the same thing I'm gonna do
with the money I'm gonna take the blame
because that what you want to do Bobby
you I'm saying heaven by rug and save up
and all this kind of stuff but it's
interesting though man because I just
seen the thing on on fit on Facebook and
article you don't know how real it is I
mean most of the stuff we ceiling there
is fake and fabricated clickbait stuff
but it was a guy on on the corner at a
car lot and he was just Panhandle and
asking for money and they said that the
the owner came out there and offered him
a job $10 an hour cleaning cars and
doing stuff and the guy turned it down
he said the guy turned it down and said
I make more money than all of you guys
here put together and it's true man I
mean how I mean they make money bro like
they really do I remember we went to New
Orleans just for the day my wife had a
we was dating at the time and she was
gonna go to be a delivery driver for
Domino's and she she had this
disorientation it took like two hours
but we me and a friend of mine went with
her to New Orleans and we just had to
hang out and wait and was in front of
her that was at the Domino's
so we went to the corner in New Orleans
and we're just asking for money we were
saying we need the money to ride the bus
cuz we was at a little bus stop right
there's a hey can we every time the
light would turn red we'd ask people
this is young dude that we made like $14
in an hour
we went over there got a pizza we stood
there asked for money for an hour we get
30 cents we I mean 60 cents for 75 cents
i dollar two dollars whatever people are
handing us and so every time that light
turned red with that traffic we got a
whole new fresh batch of people and and
you know and I'm
we were only asking for just a few cents
to ride the bus and I'll end up getting
like 14 bucks man went and bought a
pizza so you got a thing man people who
are good at it people who are getting
$10 $5 $1 each time man that they're
making money it's crazy they followed a
lot of people who do that stuff and who
make good money and they park a nice car
down the street and then they walk to
their corner and all I do that jump for
a living it's crazy man back in that but
you know but but back in the biblical
times you had to be like you had to get
like a permit to do that like the people
who were begging in the streets they
were actually they were actually given a
permit to beg and they would wear a
certain sash or certain something on
their clothes to let them know that the
government said yeah this guy is you
know sick or this guy's he can't work so
he can beg you know what I'm saying and
so they had to be ordained to do that or
whatever you want to call them you know
but at the same time like you know
that's just one thing I always catch in
my mind in my heart like you know where
it brings out the compassion of me right
like we're talking about just you know
there's no way no your fellow man you
know yeah man and it'll get you you got
to be careful though like you have to
you have to like have that discernment
like is this guy tricking me is there a
car parked down the road but cuz I'll
say you have to do that just because you
can't help everybody with that heart of
compassion you want to you want to help
everybody and I've seen people do that
I like I've seen people just because
they have that heart of compassion
they're driving and they see a homeless
dude or hitchhikers I'll stop and pick
them up and they'll drive an hour and
didn't take the person out of their way
and give them all the money in their
pocket and they'll keep doing it like
I've seen and it's not all like it's a
nice gesture it's not always wisdom just
to pick up random hitchhikers but I've
also seen people like take them into
their home like homeless couples with
around their kids and like just random
people they don't know they let them
live
for like a couple weeks or something
until they refuse to get a job or
because they you know they might talk a
lot to you and say yeah I'm trying to
get on my feet so hey you trying to go
any feet let me help you come stay with
us you know you can shower and you have
a wife or whatever see some really weird
situations with homeless ministry which
we've done and going out to tent cities
and stuff down here where they like they
have like forest fort fortresses in the
forest they collect wood they walk the
streets and collect old pallets and
two-by-fours and they build these
immaculately like tents and it's insane
to go back to the some of that stuff man
it's not in the middle of nowhere you
wouldn't know that it exists but way in
the woods there's like a little town
it's called tent city and there's
usually one in every big city remember
when we were doing a homeless ministry I
wasn't with them when they did this but
they had a they were feeding the
homeless and he said had a bunch of
extra food leftover that we needed to
get rid of maybe it was for an event and
we had to get rid of it so buddy my went
to the store
seeing the homeless guy and said hey
we're trying to get rid of this food
weren't you know where do all the
homeless people hang out he said oh
follow me it's in tent city so it was
like night tom there's like pitch black
and they're going through the woods and
they're following this dude through the
woods and they can't even see their
hands in front of them but they but the
dude knew the path and he went back to
and it's just like people everywhere man
and just like sitting up and they got
dogs and animals and it's like man
there's a city in the woods and they let
us in and we need to go back there and
preach and you know bring them food and
we started doing that and that's
interesting man you know you do got to
be careful and you know can they do take
them some of them do take advantage of
the compassion they know yeah there's
people out there they're passionate
right so that's what they're kind of
make eye contact with hey that's the
thing you can't make eye contact with it
once you make out kind of it you got to
come off with some futile or when they
notice you reading their sign right
there like yeah push it to the side look
at you but um let's talk a little bit
about spiritual warfare man
I mean you named an album that spiritual
warfare and I know you kind of explained
it a little bit just about the trials
and tribulations and the things that we
go through and in the soul in our own
inner inner you know I'm saying demons
and battles and stuff like that but as
far as like an spiritual warfare we're
like and we talk about demons and that
could be you know metaphors that could
be obstacles and hurdles or it could be
literal like literal demons that you
fight them people have had really crazy
encounters and feel like they've been
possessed by demons that they engage in
spiritual warfare with these demons from
the family I'm saying lineage
generational curses I mean there's all
types of demons or understanding of what
that is what what is it crossing the
spirituality for you like have you do
you engage in like spiritual warfare as
far as praying against things or trying
to cast things out or off of you feeling
heaviness --is and you just pray through
it or what what does that mean for you
when we talk about spiritual warfare in
literally in like a spiritual sense yeah
for me that was more like a metaphorical
you know warfare and more just about I
wanted to speak about the duality right
because mom music is always about
positivity you know my latest album is
called be blessed and you know I'm
saying I've always spoke about you know
why said that topic of you knows I never
really ever wanted to speak about the
negativity or speak about you know I'm
saying the bad things of life I'm always
every time I hear a beat that's all like
that's all I think
and that's all I want to do is really
rap about teaches somebody how to blimp
them how to get through it get over the
you know saying get over the hump they
keep going to keep fighting keep moving
but spiritual warfare was a you know for
me it was a metaphorical album about you
know I'm saying dealing with all the you
know the battles of life you know for me
like said the main the main part of it
was me dealing with you know I'm saying
the thoughts in my mind about like my
brother right so but um so that was like
my but like for me was more metaphoric I
have heard about all the you know say my
girlfriend she's really inside like the
ghost stories and people that are you
know live in haunted houses and and they
they get kind of there
with the demons and you know the
different spiritual entities that are
you know either protecting the house or
hunts in their personal beam but um you
know for me the album itself was more of
a kind of like how you know me having to
get over the hump of dinner with the
loss of my brother you know I'm saying
cuz I've dealt the loss of a lot of
people and friends and family but when
for whatever reason my brother was like
it really hit home with me and that was
one I just couldn't fathom and I
couldn't ever never would have thought
of it and and it really hit me deep and
it was like that was so me just dealing
with the inner turmoil of the loss you
know I'm saying so that was like me
battling my spirit right like at that
point in my life I'm over your question
like is God even real like would God
allow someone to murder my brother you
don't have seen and take that from a
family like for me to watch my mother
from the corner to come to my door and
for my mother to be crated screaming and
crying like I could not bear that it's
like why why me right this this is like
when I was dealing with that battle of
why me like why would God do this like
you know cuz I was I was a you know
believer at the time and I was really
you know spiritual and I used to have
all the same belief so when that
happened it almost questioned my belief
right like like him you know is God real
if he is why would he let this happen to
me
and I really had to battle with myself
and look internally and like said and
come with the belief of like you said
like everyone see then I came out on the
other side so I went through my own
internal like turmoil inside and I came
on the other side of forest you know
what everything's meant to be as far as
sad as that into say right things are
meant to be everything happens for a
reason I had to tell myself you know
what I'm like I know not you know how
everything works and whatever reason you
know I'm saying this was this was meant
to make me who I am so as sad as that
was and the darkest I was and it put me
in a dark place because I was even to
the point where I put it this way I knew
the dude that did it's my brother like I
grew up in the community are you sang
around with the gang members under the
people from the game you know so did my
brother so when it happened you know I
got word of who was and you know and he
was not too far from where I was at so I
was already having visions of you know
I'm saying okay I'm gonna call
homeboys that carry guns and you know
I'm saying are willing to ride for me
you know cuz I was getting calls - hey
Matt hey Matty you know I'm saying let
me know when you're ready yeah you know
and all this stuff and I'm a good person
and stuff so I don't necessarily think
of but I was having those thoughts I
okay I don't get revenge right I gotta
go i fry right you know a twofer Tuesday
I had to go and honor my brother this
way right so I was already gonna honor
them by taking revenge but like I said
then I came on the other side so you
know what I'm honoring through other
ways right through my music through you
know through how I live my life you know
I was going to school at the time I was
like I just graduated high school going
to the Community College so I said you
know what I'm honor my brother my
completing my degree
i'ma go I'm gonna finish my degree I'm
not gonna drop out of school I'm action
will get my degree and I'm gonna
continue to you know I'm saying make my
music and and kind of make them proud
right so so spiritual warfare was was
really about kind of more or less around
about that situation and but I try to
relate it to others right so songs on
their songs fight of my life you don't
have a lot of different songs that are
like the cool thing about the album is
it starts very dark like the first five
songs is like a 1012 song album so the
first five songs are very dark the last
five songs are start to be more positive
and the last song is like I seen the
light so the intro is like a very like
like a war like a battle like a battle
cry like a battle war almost like you're
about to watch a scary movie and then
when in the hands like a very peaceful
kind of like like a operatic like you're
in heaven like a very just peaceful
Symphony so it's a very unique album and
I wanted to put it together as something
that resembled me as an artist right
because modern-day soldier once again
the soldier right and then just talk
about the the warfare the battles of
life and I you know I took that is
personally just from that space that I
was going through that battle that
internal warfare that I went through but
I tried to you know I'm saying to to
kind of relate it to everybody no matter
what you're going through you know
whether it's drug abuse so I have
another song called love drug where it's
literally talking about every drug and
you know in the book and
and all the addictions that people go
through you know whether it's alcohol
whether it was a you know weed and stuff
like that which I used to you know I was
I was a that was another thing I battled
with Isis you know smoke weed for like
years when I grew up like all the thing
to do and like recently I finally like
realize that was one of the things I
needed to kick to the side just for my
mental well-being for my physical
well-being for my just so you know just
for everybody's realizing it made me a
better person you know I'm gonna come a
coach you know I'm a substitute teacher
so I'll realize it may be more
communicative and just more hoping and
and more um you know I'm saying I'm not
as closed in and a lot of different
things but I grew up with that girl with
my friends so me kicking that habit you
know that's another battle that I dealt
with right so but like for example love
drug was another song that I had on
there that I come in like you know I'm
saying that I had for people to kind of
relate to and that's the thing about
that album which was cool because in my
songs I never used to cuss so I had this
thing where I'm not a Christian artist
but I'm not gonna custom on songs I'm
not gonna talk about drugs I'm not gonna
be your typical artist that wants to rap
about sake so wants to rap about drugs
and when I was like you know what this
album we're gonna do it I'm gonna let it
all out round because I'm gonna talk
about you know weed X to see all these
different drugs I'm gonna talk about you
know mental physical abuse domestic
violence you know I'm saying and but I'm
gonna always give that other side to it
right how do you come out of it how does
it make you better person you know there
is a way out there is the other side of
it so it wasn't like a you know and all
like okay you know there's always a way
out you always got to see the light so
those sort of darkness the light the
negative to the positive that you know
the bad to the good you know whether you
want to say angels and demons you know
I'm saying God in the devil you know
just the duality of it and like I said
me personally it was the it was me -
okay now I'm gonna let it all out I'm
gonna you know I'm saying and I'm gonna
talk about these things but I'm gonna
talk about him we're you know it goes
from the the bats are the good and like
that give the other side of the coin and
I mean personally like I said just me
that was like my biggest battle I feel
like if life is like said my brother so
like I honed that you know I'm saying
and I use that too
you know and that whole album too I'm
like yelling so if you listen to album
I'm like I'm really like Banting I'm
really releasing like a lot of you know
a lot of anger and a lot of you know a
lot of hatred and a lot of negativity
and it's like I'm basically releasing
and getting all out because and my music
my music is basically my medicinal you
know healing like music for me has
always been me and my friends who I grew
up you don't make it music my friends
it's always been a way for us to you
know to release and I kind of bent
you know whenever if we did have a
friend that passed away we always made a
song about him you know that was one of
our things you know sad to say we always
had a you know we had to have these
friendly pass away but we you saw on him
with their music so when I became my
independent artist and my brother passed
away I was like you know that became
that became the focus of my music you
know like I never let my brother's name
like ever go in vain or like never gonna
be forgotten so spiritual warfare was
more about that time in my life but I
did relate it to different things that
people deal with like said addiction
domestic violence so stuff like that
just be victorious so I would like
another song man it's called victorious
and you know I'm saying I saw its that's
more or less like about that was just a
duality it was more metaphorical for me
but I know people do deal with more you
know realistic and like spiritual demons
you know I'm saying that they can relate
to to as well when you hear this album
yeah man that's deep so it's like just
kind of like navigating through the
darkness whatever that darkness is for
you right yeah yeah whatever it is for
you and just getting through it you know
I'm saying and you know and that's what
it is to be a soldier to me to be a
soldiers like you said sliver on Ward
liberal battle but eventually to fight
it you know get through it in a positive
way in a positive manner right because
like that I had the choice right give up
quit school like screw my life you know
I'm saying take my own life I could have
been in jail like I said I would act on
those thoughts and and when and went to
go you don't take this guy out I was
willing to do at that moment in my mind
and might I was willing to do it I was
willing to serve my life in a Cell and
an honor that I got revenge for my
brother but then I something came to me
and said that's not the way that's not
what your brother would want you know
them saying well like so that's like my
thing I got I feel like I got through it
and I want to represent all those people
that are going through a struggle no
matter what it is you know I'm saying
whether it's a gang whether it's
addiction whether it's a loss of grief
you know I'm saying or like I said a
spiritual demon that they're really
battling and just coming through out of
it and in a positive side using your
using life for good and honoring you
know saying those that you love you lost
you know saying that's that's what I
really try to represent with my music
you know I'm saying um when it comes to
you know you overcoming your your
addiction to marijuana how hard was that
was it cold turkey I'm done don't need
it or was there a battle was there yeah
I can quit any time but when it was time
to quit you really couldn't like hot was
there a fight with it or was it
something just easy I'm leaving it
behind man I wanna see you know for me I
you know we probably smoking since
middle school right so that's two dozen
high school 2001 so where you were
talking about like in 2000 1999 and
there was a time where like yeah I was
like everyday straight for like 15 you
know probably like 15 years or ten years
straight and and then I like so I had a
previous relationship and I remember uh
my previous girlfriend she did not she
was like anti wheat so and I was like
the stoner to the max you know and I'm
saying like and so that created problems
in a relationship so there was always
times where I tried so I had like I have
this on multiple levels so there was
times where I tried and literally like I
couldn't I'll break down crying and come
out with excuses and you know try to
barter with her like you know of how
it's it's you know good for me and you
know it helps me with you know with my
whole thing my brother and and all this
stuff and you know so I literally would
try but I couldn't get over it it was
like it was attached to me and I was
like physically addicted I'll go through
withdrawals I will go to shakes
I'll go through like I couldn't eat like
different things like that and then more
recently you know say o'clock so then
the last couple years I was like on and
off so I will stop and then I'm like
okay like I you know there's there's
nothing wrong with me like let me kind
of get back into it or let me you know
take another tow and so but then
member like once I got like really sick
so like there'd be times where I'm like
I'm just done I'm just cold turkey and
you know I'm saying and I would be doing
good with it and I would like yeah just
flat-out just okay I'm done and more or
less always had an excuse so like if I
was sick whatever I'm Roccat and don't
even feel like smoking so I may use that
opportunity to not smoke no more and
then I'll go for a week and then I'm
like okay imma keep this going right or
I realize you know what hey I feel I
feel better I feel more clear I feel
more energized or you know but but yeah
I had all different types of you know
battles with it where like I said I
couldn't
I was literally crying because you know
I felt like this was something I
couldn't get over and then there's other
times where I was like you know what
like I'm just I'm just done and like cuz
now it's been so many years where I'm
like you know I had my fun with it you
know that was back then and and now I
just realize like now I realize all the
positives you know so I realize I you
know I sleep better or like um my
appetite gets better like which is just
funny right because you lot of people
used to be you know another excuse all I
needed to eat right yeah so but but yeah
more recently it'll just go Turkey and I
said you know what I've had my years
I've kind of done with it I'm doing a
lot of other things right now and I
notice it wasn't benefiting me as they
used to right it just you know and you
kind of get over after so many years
till you're just like it's not even the
same you know because you owe is that's
another thing too you have like an
attachment to it so like with me it was
always like I used to smoke with my
brother right me my brother you smoke
you know me and my friends that I grew
up with that passed away so it was
always a thing where it's like I was
always attached to it because of those
people I grew up with them I like that
are no longer here you know but now I'm
like I'm living a whole different life I
feel like I'm a whole new person you
know and so yeah now it's been more just
like cold turkey and then I started
realizing like hey this is I'm actually
more talking about more energetic you
know I my sleep is better or my appetite
is better I'm actually able to eat a
little bit more like I look healthier
you know or my music too right doing
music I'm able to you know perform on
stage without getting winded or I'm able
to you know I'm able to write more songs
I'm not like like um how do you say like
I don't have writer's block you know I'm
saying you know when there's
because the stoner will have every
excuse of why that's why they need we
all I need wheats like the right lyrics
and I need we eat on any weed so I could
sleep but for me it turned out to be the
opposite and to me I just felt like God
was that wasn't my one way that God
showed me like hey like you don't need
this you know I'm saying like this is
it's something I've only battled with
internally and I just you know I felt
like I always felt like if I kick the
weed that was like the one thing because
I didn't drink I wasn't a big drinker
you know I wasn't a gang member I wasn't
doing like you know like all these you
do all these bad things but the weed was
a one thing I felt like you know what
this is like the one thing that's like
kind of you know questionable about me
all he's a stoner right like a leaving a
lot of my friends that know me from back
in the day they probably know me as
being the kid that used to come to
school class high and high school I used
to play sports I got kicked off my
football team because they knew I was
you know always getting high but even
then that was a big deal for me because
I loved the football team I was still
athletic I was still fast I was still
play in practice but I would just I had
to you know smoke or whatever so so now
I would like you know what it was always
been the one thing that was hindering me
so I finally like kicked it and I say
you know what I'm starting to realize
that it's ultimately it's it's better
for me and so many different ways I
dream now which is crazy
so back in when I was small I wouldn't
dream I would just black out my out is
your sleep and wake up it felt like five
minutes so now I literally I'm sober for
that reason I dream like every night I
have these crazy dreams some are more
vivid than others but but in some of
these dreams I see my brother I see my
friends that passed away and I say you
know what this is so much more powerful
for me that actually gets a you know
saying see my brother and and different
things you know I'm saying like like so
though you know I just felt like I said
all tamale it was so much more better
for me and then and then recently you
know like that thing has been like like
here and there I'll kind of slip or
whatever but like it's at least in like
six months or a year and I'm just like
you know I just realized it's so much
more better for me I know you talked
about your experiences where you'll kind
of dabble and you'll feel so anxiety and
all this different stuff right so same
thing with me when I do feel like okay
like I've been sober for this long like
I could take a toke and if I'm gonna
affect me right it's like the opposite
you're like like you get so you know you
get so high or whatever or you're
so your body has been without it for so
long that affects you in such a
different way and it's like a negative
right so so either way I've had
different different components like
trying to stop whatever but recently I
just realize that for me being sober is
so much more better just you know energy
wise and cleared being clear able to
write more music and different things
like that as a coach I'm able to unike
better I'm not as how do you say when
you're like self when you're like when
you're self conscious of yourself oh
yeah so so yeah but there was a time
where I'm saying I was struggling and
crying because I you know I was trying
to stop and I felt like I couldn't I was
having withdrawals anxiety and then you
know there were times where I'm saying
you know what like it's not even worth
it and I just kind of gave it up and one
week turn to two weeks two weeks turn to
three weeks just realizing how much
better I felt yeah it just makes you
really uh introspective like it's always
about you even anytime you're smoking
and stuff right yeah and that's all I'll
be so for example I'll be you know I'm
doing different things and it's like I'm
always you think like everyone's looking
at you you know you think I ever it's
that's why I noticed sooo so for example
like I've been doing CBD so in one time
my girlfriend got me some CBD from my
shop and it was like a it was like a
three to one right like CBD BCC but she
asked the lady at the but the shock like
hey like this is three to one like is it
gonna get my boyfriend hi cuz I was
taking CBD she bought this for me as a
gift and the lady was like oh now it's
three to one like that won't even affect
them you know for him to him to get the
effects it has to be in there to kind of
be the inhibitor yeah gave him some
excuse why I wouldn't get high that she
got me so high I was like there's time
to get me to do it I'm like man I can't
I can't I can't even do it like I feel
like I'm dying I can't so I did CBD and
likes it at one time for example like I
said I was sober for so many months or a
year whatever and she got me that CBD
with had actually a THC in it you know
the girl told her it wouldn't affect me
so I tried it and then it just put me in
this bubble where I was like I want to
get out you know I'm saying I was in
this bubble when I was like I did not
like it I was like I I felt like I was
never gonna get out of this bubble I
fell out of this bubble and and I didn't
want it like I'm like I need a you know
I just went out and almost felt like I
was stuck in this in this bubble and it
felt like I would might not make it out
of this most all the real terrifying
experience for me and you know and I had
to like manage you and then control they
say okay you know it's gonna go away you
know sleep it off or whatever but even
the next day I was like is this gonna
affect me cuz I feel like I'm on such a
natural high right like I feel like I'm
on a chiral high you know I'm saying and
and and every day I feel like I get but
I feel better and better and better so I
was like oh man and this can affect my
you know my all my motivation or my my
energy or our productivity my
productivity has been sold so much more
better I accomplished more things and
things like that you know so now like if
I do want to dabble whatever or it just
makes you sit on the couch and watch TV
and obviously that's not good for any of
my goals you know so and I talk about it
with all my students cuz I'm a
substitute teacher you know by trade and
coach and so I have you know there's
kids out there they they do the same
thing and but it's cool because I can
relate to them I say man like I've been
there done that it's cool but it does
this and this and this too you know or
tell them about my experience like I
said you know it for me it's you know
I'm saying it makes me lazy makes me uh
you know I'm not motivated you know
don't want to do much can't get much
done and all these other different
things so I different forms and
ultimately I just realize it's better to
be you know sober minded on a natural
high because God like said this like man
it gives you it's funny because even
when I work out or sometimes I'm hiking
and just random times I just look I'm
like I feel high right now like
literally reminds me of being high off
weed and I'm like this is how I felt
like this is how I felt being high up
weed and I'm not completely sober and
I'm like you know what like once again
God just God is good and he's giving me
a natural high where I don't need a
substance to feel good to feel you know
I'm saying to you know said just feel
you know to feel good now I feel you
know naturally I just feel I feel good
on its own yeah that's awesome man um
yeah without the experience from it you
know as a teenager and you know
teenagers
you know by longshot shitin shouldn't be
smoking with their minds still
developing and things like that is
definitely not good you know and I
posted just the other day just and I
just do it out there I said marijuana
causes DDD and I wanted people to look
it up see what it was and I really
didn't go into details but most people
were making jokes about it or whatever
but it's a it's a real thing man I
experienced it as a teenager
depersonalization the realization
disorder you feel like you're in the
dream and you get high and you feel like
you're always high like you you never
come down and you're like in a dream
realm and there's a you know I used to
joke I want I want to die like this I
want to get I want to stay high wish I
could stay high but really like no you
don't like it's hard to function it's
hard to pay attention and it's like
you're almost like you're in a damn
hallway like you step back and you're in
the hallway and you're stuck and it came
from having that uh that panic attack
and the heart racing and sweating and
turning pale and I remember as a kid I
didn't know nobody nobody else did that
I look back at my mom my mom had this
couple freaky encounters I mean when we
were kids we just like what's wrong well
mom I remember her and I had something
very similar when that when it happened
she felt like a bug crawled in her ear
she got real high she's just out of it
she felt like a bug like crawl all the
way in her head and I remember her
screaming getting my sister to look in
when my sister was a kid like you know
it freaked her out and I was like when
it happened to me like I had that weird
sensation and sound everything sounds
different it feels different
but everybody else who smoked the same
stuff none of that was happening to them
are you trippin man you're just super
high you're just too high man you just
got too high you'll be okay like Brock
can't breathe what you mean I got to I
can't breathe
jolliness you're trying to get help you
need help and uh and they can't help you
they're super high - is this a very
scary thing especially for a teenager to
be going through and so a lot of edibles
are doing that to people if you go
online and just read go to youtube and
read the comments they're just littered
with that experiences experience have
to people a lot of the big rappers even
Snoop Dogg in the game and all these big
we've got we got say no I don't fool
with you know the edibles cuz it makes
me feel like I'm dying and and people
like you want to go to the hospital like
as you really feel like your friend died
you know and you read the comment
sections and people do you know I'm glad
I didn't call and go in and and but you
want to because you you have to make
yourself breathe for three hours each
breath and you don't know the rhythm to
breathe on it's scary man it is so scary
to process thoughts to have
conversations with that I get scary dude
you know when that happens and so just
to put the research out there because
they know but I've never heard anybody
talk about that I've never heard anybody
talk about that and it is a thing that I
don't know the percentage maybe it's one
in a hundred people maybe it's one in
forty I don't know the percentage that
you could do the research but the fact
that that can happen to you
it's scary bro and people don't even
know it because you know for especially
for the young ones are people that are
all in internet now and they are dealing
with something like that so they could
kind of have something to relate to or
something to say okay this is a normal
range not normal but it's like I'm not
the only one you know cuz that's always
given me comfort whenever I'm dealing
with something if you could confide in
someone has been through it been there
done that you know I'm saying that's
that's what you know I mean I was like
14 when it happened and you know I
didn't want to be around that it
couldn't be around it and it took years
until I just would talk to somebody you
don't you just tell random people that
or why you don't smoke nod does this I
remember working with an inmate I was
working with and mentioned he said now I
can't smoke weed it
you don't say messes with my body you
don't sit right so hold on what do you
mean doesn't sit right with your body
what's they do man I get the breathing
heavy man they had to take me to the
hospital it's a black dude oh really you
had to go to a hospital why nobody talks
well care I'm not alone it's not just me
and that was a first I was a teenager
and you know I'm saying and what was
that like mm it was happening so there
was really no internet like that you
didn't I mean the internet was there but
it wasn't I'm so readily of
able to do it to have access to it but
then now it's everywhere just type in
we'd feel like I'm dying or always feel
like I'm dreaming type in we'd always
feel like I'm dreaming or I'm stuck in a
dream
stuck in a high for years it's crazy
yeah and it's funny because see I think
at one point and I do believe it might
have been good for me like for example
like you know when I'm dealing with you
know different loss and and and this you
know my brother passing away and you
know it might have been good to be
trapped in that bubble because who knows
what I would have you know dealing with
the actual reality of it who knows what
I would have done or could have done or
how it would have felt you know I'm
saying so I and you know I remember my
previous relationship my ex she would
always tell me like yeah you're not you
know you're shielding yourself from the
reality of things you know I'm saying
and I think in a way it might have been
a positive for me because we didn't
maybe he didn't affect me as much as he
could have right maybe I could have
still been depressed to this day maybe I
would have never finally got over and
said look at it and positive right so so
I feel like at that you know for those
many many years like I would you know
every single day it was like it was like
I said you had to do it right it's like
a habit it's a bitchu and you know you
have a you know you have a time okay
like every couple hours or whatever so
and at one point you just get so immune
to it you get sold like immune to it or
at least I did you know I'm saying we're
you know it we'll just do it when you
felt sober you don't want to be sober so
you have to take another hit you and I'm
smoking up whatever be you don't like
you know you you don't like not feeling
high you know I'm saying so I don't know
how to function well yeah that was like
don't and that's when I realized that's
when I realize those controls and weeks
I'm like hey man now if I don't have it
or if I run out of money or if I run out
of weed and I'm over here fighting with
my friends because they don't want to
smoke me out like this is not normal
right this is only me so where it's
affecting me right now I'm addicted or I
had a physical you know mental addiction
where I'm like I need this drug or you
know come people say I wheeze not a drug
but unlike men I'm physically I'm
addicted right like I can't go a day
without I have to you know you there
might be thoughts and we're like okay I
need a steal you know there's $20 from
this first right here because I need to
get my grass
right like you it's really legs and
that's when you know it's bad you know
I'm saying and I don't know how many
people get to that point but at one
point like I said you're just so used to
it and you don't even think you know I'm
saying about what you're doing or just
nor is this normal so my being high was
like the new normal for me so I noticed
when I did start doing my cold turkey or
when I stopped for a couple of days I
started saying hey like like I started
noticing that being sober was like it
was like a new reality for me and I
started like using that as like a
positive and saying hey like I kind of
like this I'm not used to this right
like I'm being sober and it was almost
like a whole different reality for me
and you know and I said and now I'm able
to like really deal with likes and now
I'm able to deal with certain things or
I'm a whole new person you know but but
it's funny because when I was sober I
started realizing hey I kind of like
this because it was years where I never
felt like that and I thought it knows
hey this is not so bad or it's different
right so I started using that as my like
okay I could you know this is cool
because you know when you get hired for
so many days for so many years it just
is just normal and it's like like
nothing right and then when I sobered up
I'm like hey this is like a whole
different world and and I started using
that so like really get over get over my
addiction you know I'm saying in and but
like I said when I was when I was
dealing with certain things I think as a
teenager you know what help shielded me
from a lot of things yeah and and like I
said when I was sober it was almost like
at that time you didn't want to be sober
because I think it made you kind of deal
with you know I'm saying the reality of
things and you know that's why she's my
see always told me like oh you're just
you're trying to like you know you're
hiding from like the world like you know
and saying you're just like said you're
putting yourself in this box or this
hallway where you don't have to deal
with anything else you know I'm saying
the reality of things and at one point I
think maybe how many rows good for me or
I liked it right likes to be the same
way like I'm gonna get high you know I'm
stoner for life right that was like the
sane right I love mary-jane right it's
nap but now I'm like I preach the kids I
say man it's not worth it like it's you
know I'm saying it does this and this to
you like so make you lazy like gonna
make you unproductive and you know and
kids will be kids and I feel like I have
to go through that to learn to this like
might and go to that I wouldn't be more
appreciative of being sober because now
I'm just like I said I'm so much more
you
realistic and and realize like you said
how I don't ever want to be in that
bubble again you know I'm saying him you
know and I realize how much more open I
am and and more conscious and and it's
just it's a tremendous it's a big
turnaround for me because who like I
said I would have never thought I would
be preaching sobriety he never saying
yeah yeah definitely is a form of
escapism what I want why outs like why
else are you smoking I just like the way
it makes me feel well that means you
don't like the way you feel without it
you're not comfortable in your own skin
like I have to do it before I go to work
I have to do it before I watch a movie I
have to do it before I eat or whatever
it's because you're not comfortable or
it's it's a form of escapism and
escapism is real I think we all have our
escape isms right and for me like you
said the little snippet that I did I
talked about how my escape my escape
place that I run to is Christ you know
what I'm saying is Jesus and run into
the presence of God and that is
literally a euphoria that took the place
of someone can we'd like I really I feel
hi when I get in the presence of God I
am addicted to it and it helped me get
off of weed because it was like hey you
think that gets you high what about this
let me love you my love upon you who
would get you intoxicated you know and
like so that I needed that to kind of
wean me off but then I got addicted to
that presence and that became you know
people get addicted to that you know
that euphoria let's pray because I want
to I don't like the way I feel right now
I want to feel different you know and so
even that can can be abused or whatever
anything and and it's definitely being
abused by a lot of people or everybody's
different
in different places in life and escapism
sometimes you need to escape and if you
don't know about the presence of God or
you don't know any other options you
will go to so whatever you know whether
it's weed or whether it's alcohol or
like you know it's it's been escaped for
me like there's people I hang around
with that like I don't know what to talk
to you about but if I have a drink a
margarita and while we're out to eat
I'll be more talkative and open and
we'll have a great time but other than
that
I literally need to escape because I
don't know how to connect with you you
know but if I have a drink I'll be more
open more talkative more playful making
people laugh but um you know and it's
you have to know yourself is what you
like you said you got to do to know
thyself but being a teenager yeah I
needed to escape like I was in some
really bad situations and hated myself I
hated my life and but that we took me to
another place where this stuff didn't
matter anymore but I'm I'm writing into
some conscious of it's like the presence
of God makes it where this stuff doesn't
matter if I get with God and figure out
you know just to get lost in his
presence and I'm taken literally to
another place that marijuana used to
take me to you know yeah or I think it's
also that makes it more crucial one to
people to find their passion right like
what are you passionate about in life
like for me like music has always been
like another like form of escape you
know I'm saying exactly like making
music like there's something about it
we're just you know saying it allows me
to like express and escape and get away
from the reality of things and when you
put off into the music you know in the
artist but like for example maybe people
who draw like I can imagine I can't draw
you know better than stick figures but
like people who draw like I'm pretty
sure when their paints in a zone well
they're in the zone and then I'm pretty
sure that feels so good they relieve so
many endorphins like they forget
everything else people who run marathon
running is my girlfriend's a marathon
runner it's such a big thing where
people train they run every single day
I've been doing a little bit of running
and trying to get back into shape and
jog in and you know by two miles in
there I see the same people when I go on
the same trial to see the same people
the same old man run it like this guys
drive been doing this for like 20 30
years every single morning cuz I know he
feels good cuz I feel good when I do it
too and I know it's my way of escape my
people go to the gym you go to the gym
you pump that iron that's your way of
you know escaping and isn't enough
endorphins and and kind of zoning out
and focus and so like you that's why I
think besides the drugs those people
they probably don't have an outlet or
they're they're either just stuck in the
trend of society right because
everyone's doing it now so you kind of
do it because everyone does it and you
just kind of follow what your friends do
ultimately
that'll fix anything that's a quick fix
it's just a band-aid you're not really
you need to understand why you're
looking for why you need it it's a quick
fix and for me maybe maybe this is
religious of me but I feel like anything
outside of God like it's like uh you
know saying idolatry
you know the Scriptures talk about like
like God is a jealous God because he
want God like wants us to come to him
like who are you like if you were say
you're going through some stuff at work
you're going through some stuff inwardly
you go to your girl what if you went to
another girl and told her your problems
a babe like I know you I love my girl
but you understand me more than she does
and that's how God sees us like listen I
got you I'm here tell me about it I got
peace I want to give to you and I know
there's some more peace over here
the bottle is better you know what I'm
saying and that's literally how it is
like in a in the spirit is like God
being the sustainer for everything and
we are in that there are good healthy
habits there are good ways of escapism
the bottle you know it's not the best
there's a lot of things pornography you
know these are instant gratification and
it's something that to be happy you have
to work you have to work for it you have
to work for that relationship you have
to work for a good marriage a good
friendship a good rap career
you didn't just start out rapping like
this you didn't start out with all these
albums under your belt you had to work
you had to listen to other rappers you
had to articulate you had to write you
get better all that sounds stupid let me
get more you have to work at it you want
to be a good rapper you got to work you
want to be a good husband you got to
work you want to be a good friend a good
employee you got to work at it and
nothing comes free cuz all of these
quick fixes fall in that same category
of just let me put a little bandaid on
it or whatever the case is right so we
have music's been my you know was my
escape for a while and you know and the
same thing kind of they went ahead and
had weed and music was like you know my
way of like kind of forgetting
everything or like I channeled
everything into my music you know saying
everything I was going through at the
time I probably did like when I'm when
when it first happened I did
whole album you know I don't think
anyone's ever heard to beside those that
were close to me but it's all lost on a
memory and I'm saying this is back in
the days when we're training our CDs on
our computer and writing the title with
the marker you know and passing them out
ourselves
you know before iTunes and YouTube and
all this stuff but it was called lost on
a memory and that would just literally
me going into the booth like crying like
almost on every song like just kind of
know it's talking about you know why
this happened to me or my brother how I
love them and you know I had one song
was like the famous song for that album
or a lot of people my close friends
knows how I'll do it just for you that
was like the single of that album you
know and it was you know I'll do it just
for you I'll do it just for you and it
was just I can't sing but I was singing
on that you know I was releasing on that
and I was you know full full-bore like
it is it didn't matter what anybody
thought at that time I just had to go in
there and and express this and and and
sing it in it was like I wanted to talk
to him so bad that you know I'm saying I
went in the booth and just like with all
my lyrics everything it was crazy one of
my friends good friends Dee mobs you
know he might see this interview he was
with me during that time and I literally
bought a keyboard so I was setting up my
own home studio can we record of our
friend's house so then I'm gonna call
this time on financial aid and I'm there
I'm a bill ball studio but I had no
beats right so I literally bought a
keyboard and we're making these
janky-ass beats where I'm just your dog
no no no no no no no no no like I don't
know how to play putting whatever came
together on the keyboard and and you
know I'm saying and I remember making
those beats and you know I think I had
fruity loops like the first like version
of fruity loops yeah make that song and
so these were super raw like the songs
are super raw you know super uncut like
and I just went in there like I said and
I even remember one time to my one of my
neighbors try to show it to one of his
friends or coworkers the guy who put it
in you know it's fully threw it out the
window you know I'm saying cuz that's
how bad it was as far as like music
production you know the quality of it
like you know I'm saying I couldn't sing
but I'm over here crying on the mic you
know I'm saying and but to me that was
just my form of release and ever since
then like music is always developed like
something from that
20 20 ml like you said I've got so much
more better I've honed my experience now
I have people you know same either wanna
pay me for a feature or ask me for
advice or you know they want me to help
them in the studio which I do because I
you know I've run the home studio
business but it's like man from from
that album so now I say I came so far
and but even till this day I still honor
you know my brother here and there it's
right not like a whole album what I'm
talking about my brother but like here
and there like I'll mention you know I'm
saying I'll mention his name or you know
I'm saying mention uh you know just
mention yeah just just mention how you
know my love for him and you know one
day i'ma see him again is something like
that and uh but it's like said music was
my release and and I should have you
know and I said the time I didn't know
better but I was you know I'm saying I
was doing both and and but music is like
definitely like my therapy I always say
it's medicinal for me so music is
medicine and it's always been medicinal
for me and put it this way I feel like
if I never did that album or that
mixtape who knows man I want to probably
like it got so much more off my chest
like you know saying like it was good
for me like no without it now like that
album was like cuz when it happened it
literally tore my family apart
like you know I'm saying it and tear us
apart but anybody that knows what a lost
like within the family like a light it
happens a lot where the family is just
not the same after you know you can
either come together stronger or like
slowly like you guys kind of everyone
started doing their own thing and goes
through go through and there are away so
especially when it's immediate everybody
kind of deals with on their own and
that's how I deal with it you know I'm
saying go talk to my to my mom about it
because my mom's heartbroken and
depressed about it right and go talk to
my sisters because that was their
brother too you know Dana we could uh
right but we you know we didn't right
and so my way of dealing with it was
like I went in the booth you know I'm
saying and I wrote these lyrics and I
went on the mic and I just sang my heart
out right or I rapped my heart out
alright you know cried my heart out in
the booth and because I was you know my
way of expressing and I feel like if I
did it like who knows like would I be
the same person I am today like would I
be this positive optimistic of lifting
musician you know when I or what I've
you know been somebody totally
different rapping about you know girls
and drugs and and and you know booty
shaking and all this stuff that people
are on these days cuz it's funny because
I cannot relate to these musicians and I
cannot wrap that type of music like the
trap music or you know all this type of
different type of stuff is hard for me
I'll try to feature with someone or I'll
try to collab with someone and if I feel
like we're you know I can if I can't you
know rap that style music I'm just like
I'm not into it or I'll try right I'll
try to rap like all these clever artists
I'm a musician a lyricist so I could do
it but it feels like I'm forcing myself
it doesn't feel like me and I'm just
saying you know what I'm like this is
this is not me and I can't do it you
know I'm saying like it just doesn't
feel right you know I'm saying so like
typically my go-to music is it's
positive his love is uplifting and you
know talking about my base of my soul
just style you know I'm saying it and
then all these new artists they can't
relate to it you know same place vice
versa I can't relate to what they're
rapping about huh sure um I want to play
this man because this was something that
really spoke to me as a kid going
through abuse and we'll talk about that
in a minute - domestic abuse and stuff
um you just put out a new video and in
song about that I'm gonna talk about
that maybe this would be a good segue
but there was a band the band Korn that
I found in in the 90s and listening to
their music man it really just took me
to another place you know let me say I'm
gonna pull this up I want to pull this
up and play it right quick one thing
about it it was like he would listen to
what he would perform and ride his moods
and he would cry like it was all in his
music he would talk about abuse he would
talk about you you know being raped even
like you know I'm saying molestation and
all that kind of stuff putting all in
his music and it was just something
different man I went in there's this
clip I don't know if this is the full
clip or the main one but it's talking
about his emotions and music let me see
if I can share this right quick it'll be
kind of kind of deep
John stuff he writes it's a little
deeper for him because you know real
emotional what he's you know there's not
one night up there what he's think he's
not really feeling his lyrics and really
singing from his heart this is every
night
that's not it that's it that's a joke
that's why people wrote oh I click the
wrong one here we go here's a here's a
part with him uh is she doing it so
pretty much
it's crazy in the album version of that
and there's another extended clip of
that where he's just weeping he's just
crying and they put it on the album and
it's pretty insane and the other foot is
like some of the bandmates come in and
hug him but that was something to show
you like that emotion could be captured
in audio and what you're going through
if you can articulate it just right you
know what I'm saying like other people
can feel it as well whether it was him
whether it was Tupac as well like we
used to feel the same way felt like we
was them and then now maybe for the
conscious stuff was a little bit deeper
you know you do more conscious up
spiritual etheric and all this kind of
stuff I feel like I'm embodying these
different spiritual encounters that I've
been through and taking people with me
on those encounters like taking them
back trying to describe it or what it
was like and so we have the ability to
do that to create it like the mind and
the imagination the will and the
emotions all coupled together to have
this encounter whatever it is whether
it's let me let you I want to let you
know what I felt when I got raped like
this is it and this is what he's doing
in that song or being you know beat by
his dad every night with a belt and and
can't go to school he had to stay home
from school because he was beat so bad
you know these different things and the
embodying it in music or art and in the
movies and stuff as well it's very
interesting that we have the power and
ability to create and create essentially
realms for other people to experience
who have never experienced it so whether
that's what we only know is the trap
what we only know is the drug culture or
whatever it's all let's just self
loathing people listen to that and they
loathes and there's no way out yeah you
you feel it yeah it touches something
down deep within you because you feel
like somebody else understands you I'm
not alone like that's powerful in and of
itself but for the most spiritual for
unconscious stuff that we do we like
hold on as the way out
like I don't just load in it we're gonna
talk about it it's real but there's a
way out of it and so a lot of that music
it glorifies that stuff it glorifies the
drug lifestyle it glorifies doing Molly
it doesn't talk about the day after
Molly like it doesn't talk about how you
have used up all of your serotonin and
dopamine for the night it doesn't talk
about waking up and having to fix
breakfast for the kids or whatever
you're doing and you don't feel anymore
there's no omit burns out your emotions
it doesn't talk about that you know what
I'm saying so to say look whatever you
glorify now you're in this place you
know what it feels like let me show you
the way out this is an alternative or
whatever and it's better in my opinion
spirituality having peace with God
through but whatever means that is
prayer meditation music it is all tied
in together but with a positive message
and that's what you're doing talk a
little bit about the song that you just
did and where you got the inspiration
for that yeah the one with the story of
the girl yes abuse yes so I wanted to
you know so once again I've been doing
music for so many years and I feel like
I've been telling the same story in
different forms you know I'm saying
telling my story in different ways and
and talking about the same topic so I
was like you know what I need a once
again and talk about something that's a
little bit more on the dark side
something that maybe I haven't been
through and related to her that I can't
relate to so I reached out to a couple
people online and announced today I want
to I want to tell someone else's story
so I said you know anybody who has a
story a testimony something they've been
through that's you know that I can
relate to and and and wants to tell me
the story I put it into a song for you
you know and I kind of wanted to do this
for someone and I wrote two songs so far
but the first one I released was um
about my friend Roxanne she went through
a horrific domestic violence situation
where her husband and the father of her
two kids was basically a abusing her
mentally physically and and and it was
really really bad where you know she
just had no choice but to you know kind
of
didn't she was in a place where it got
to the point where he basically kept her
prison in her own home you know where
you know he would obviously you know he
would get physical with her she couldn't
go to work or she had a lay you know
cover up her bruises with makeup
sometimes but he was in I think he won
in the Navy so he was a you know he was
somebody that was you know in the Navy
and so she she was just so afraid to
ever come out because this was going on
for years and I guess he got to a point
like the pinnacle of the song and the
story is he locks her in the closet
and basically doesn't let her leave for
like like a like a day or two days or
she can't go to work and and basically
you know and she threatened like him
there's a point where the cops come
because you know someone's calling the
cops to kind of see what's going on or
you know no fools their mom at the time
so like I think it was from the
commotion like a cop came by and sure
enough he'd been like hey you better not
you know you better not say anything or
I'm hurt the kids you know it just got
really really bad and so the pinnacle of
the story is she's locked in a closet
and her mom comes to the her mom
basically was not you know ug she had a
routine with her mom where she would
call her mom text her mom and her mom
was not getting these calls in Texas no
more because she was locked in a freakin
closet and his dude took her phone where
she couldn't commute Kamiya communicate
with anybody you know and eventually mom
comes to the door basically says hey
where's Roxanne I'm gonna take her
particular to the hospital or something
or I forgot what would the the exact
reason why you know but he let her out
and sure enough that was the time like
she finally told her mom like hey like
you know she finally had the courage to
tell her mom that you know he's abusing
me doing all this stuff to me and and
you know she's scared and she does you
know cuz she at that point when it gets
to a certain point you don't know these
guys then take your life you know I'm
saying you don't think what this guy
could do he was I said doing everything
from demoralizing her right to making
her feel less like you know doing that
you know I have doing sexual things with
her but like making her feel deviant and
like just so many things that she did I
did include in the song but when she
told me the story broke her heart and I
know her personally you know and I would
have never known and the first time she
told
about the story is when she bought
emerged she bought a sweater from me so
like one day I won't sell the sweaters
and you know it's called we live Iran
war we fought our own battles that's my
slogan you know as modern-day soldier so
I'll sign these sweaters and sure enough
she bought a sweater and this was like
years removed from the incident but I
went I went to uh you know to go deliver
the sweater she told me her own story
basically told me how like she you know
she related to me as an artist or my
music or my message because she felt
like a soldier right and these are like
the people I really try to touch with
and be into it you know and I try to
make music for but um yeah horrible
domestic violence case you know I
started small so when she was pregnant
like the first incident she mentions
which I I know dated the song was that
um you know she didn't really know that
this guy was capable right it starts as
your sweet your sweet love story is all
day and they always do you know takes
her out always opens doors you know very
kind very gentlemanlike you know someone
from the Navy you know she falls in love
and I guess when she's about three
months pregnant
something happens some type of you know
incident happened where he she finally
put her his hands on her but not only
did to put his hands or he choked her so
he grabbed her by the neck and he like
kind of like like pushed her to the
ground he was choking her and her
friends this was like in front of her
friends and her friends had to like try
to get him off and they couldn't really
get him off and obviously he finally let
go that was like the first time like
according to her and domestic violence
like she never knew this guy was capable
of these things and that was her first
incident with them and she was you know
pregnant with their first kid she had
two kids so this was the first sign but
once again you know the person that the
husband no I'm sorry you know they start
being you know apathetic or sympathetic
and I'm sorry or you know or they blame
you
right like you made me do this type
thing and but then you you you're you're
pregnant right so she's pregnant now
you're about to have a kid and you know
but it progressed and progressed and
progressed to the point where like I
said it got horrible and like the
pinnacle of song is he he locks her in
the closet
doesn't doesn't let her leave to work
nowhere you know I'm saying keeping her
prisoner on home threatening to either
take her life or or hurt the kids which
is you know completely psychotic and
and her mom was her mom rest in peace
she recently actually passed away her
mom was the hero of the song so in the
song I wrote you know she told me her
story I wrote it out you know I'm saying
and she says I nailed it you don't say I
tried my best she says it's you know she
loved me you know she's really been
promoting the song and she thanks me for
the song because even for her to hear it
like it's like almost like it's it's
it's it's kind of like chilling for her
to he'll hear the story you know I'm
saying to have it out there and for
other people to hear her story because
she actually works with kids as a
counselor and you know for those that uh
that are in need of like like a house or
need of a home or um throughout what
it's called when you're when you work
with when your caseworker for families
so she works with kids in that scenario
whether you know they've been abused or
their parents or you know a non drug and
abusive so for her it's like came full
circle you know where I did this song
and out she helps others you know that
kind of been through the same thing so
like now she has this song and I guess
there's a quote or something about like
the best thing is for like somebody to
tell your story or for you to tell
there's your story and but yeah so you
know and she was rescued by her mom my
mom came to the door she convinced the
husband said like hey I need Roxane we
have a doctor's appointment right
sometimes a doctor after not hearing
from her for a couple of days which
which was you know out of her her and
then she takes her out and and Roxane
breaks down basically so then they filed
a restraining order you know this is
after years of abuse and mental physical
emotional abuse and they finally like
get them get a you know a restraining
order and get him you know he only
served a year in prison which is sad
so she's still kind of dealing with this
guy but she got out of the situation
she's like a survivor you know cuz it
could have got worse and if she would
have kept herself in that situation who
knows what would have happened you know
who this day is why yeah this guy still
blames her for everything that happened
or now she has a restraining order where
he can't see the kids cuz made me do it
yeah you made me do it you know this is
your fault
and then also she was still trying to
let him I guess because you know child
custody is so messed up now
he still had rights to see the kids well
she's still fighting to like make sure
this guy has no part of her life right
and you wouldn't think that would have
been enough but uh recently there's
another incident where you know he's
seen the kid and he did something to the
kid and you know and now she's filing
for like sole custody of the kids but
you know the system is so messed up that
this hard for her to even make this
happen right you can't be the dad and
him being the father like they're still
allowing him like you know partial
custody or whatever but we as she got
out of it you know she was you know she
was strong enough to finally break out
of because there's some people that some
ladies and girls in guess you know she's
learning her I did a perfect job and you
know and I don't want to guess you know
just learning her I did a perfect job
and you know and I don't want to like
brag or boast but like you know the song
came out really good so I'm really proud
of it but it's you know domestically and
you know people need to hear hear things
like that yeah yeah give them strength
to come out of it man have you seen that
video on on Facebook a lady was going
through domestic abuse and she was in a
very similar situation and convinced the
boyfriend or husband to let her take the
dog to the vet and he goes with them and
she like just pulls out and oh yeah yeah
yeah and uh yeah pulls out a note and it
shows the people or whatever so uh then
the cops end up getting getting called
and all that kind of stuff so uh yeah
it's pretty uh pretty crazy man whenever
always about the you know the dark but I
show the positive so I basically then
the songs like that endings you know
saying hey Roxanne was able to come out
of it you know I'm saying like you can
too right if you're dealing with
something like this like you know I'm
saying there's a way out once again and
you know and and like I said not
everyone does make it out but she was a
survivor and you know and if you're a
survivor like you know I talk about what
she's doing better now you know him
saying so obviously when you deal with
someone like that there's always going
to be because now she has anxiety fear
right different trauma post-traumatic
stress that she deals with but
ultimately she got out of that situation
and so my my um you know my point of the
song is that if you deal with something
like this it's not too late for you you
know I'm saying like and I've always
encouraged because I was in a toxic
relationship to you know personally with
me mean you know I'm saying like I said
always been high and not being touch
with reality and you know and and taking
advantage as far as I come you know just
just not being the best you know
boyfriend or partner or lover that could
be and like and I encourage people like
if the relationship is toxic if it's not
if it's not fully full love and and and
understanding and communication and
because I hear so many relationships
nowadays where people are like all he
you know he gets on my nerves or he
pisses me off or or we find in the sedap
but we stick it out right and that's all
good if you could you know stick it out
and make it work but it's constant it's
you know on and off like my last
relationship with so many years and the
last two years were on and off and we
stuck it out because we felt like there
was you know you don't want to break up
that type of relationship after so many
years so you stick it out and but I on
nowadays will my new relationship never
die courage people said hey man you're
not the problem you guys arguing
fighting cursing at each other or you
know and it's constant like I say you
know it's better to call it quits
than to try to make it work that's like
my thing because it took me six to eight
years to realize that you know to
realize hey there's other people out
here that you can that you compatible
with that will love you that you won't
fight with you know honor you uplift you
that will you know cherish you you think
like you know no one else will love me
the same no one else will treat me the
same no one else will do this for me you
know but there is you know there's
somebody out there that's willing and
waiting and wants it to love you the way
you're else we love so I encourage
people that are dealing with even small
like just toxic relationships you know
maybe not be to the point of abuse but
like said there's people that stick out
relationships even after physical abuse
you know him
it's sad but like said she was you know
she definitely got out and I'm glad she
did and I was honored to tell her story
so you know I kind of been you know
working on some more songs on other
people's you know testimonies
stories that's interesting man so you do
that a lot on your music though as far
as like telling stories right and this
was the first time you told someone
else's story yeah I usually like to be
like the narrator I like it my songs or
you know I do tell different stories or
try to you know yeah that's that's a
beautiful thing Moss already you know as
you you know you're like the narrator of
a movie or a book and you know so yeah I
definitely do like to do the
storytelling type of type of song type
of this one I was finally able to get it
from a different perspective and
something that I couldn't relate to you
know because like you said that for a
while I felt like I just saw the same
story a different spin on it yeah for
sure
for sure yeah I just I just did my first
one at the beginning of the year which
was for contests that I did and ended up
winning but um it's a song called scars
and and it was the first one that
because it's hard for me to stay on
subject writing like my mind like the
words that I connect together a lot of
times they're not there like it bridges
to something else so I had to kind of so
it's hard for me to like you know he let
me keep mentioning this person and this
person going through this experience in
this journey and stuff but so I really
did I think my first one at the
beginning of the year and I got man a
lot of people reached out to me saying
that it blessed them and but you're
talking about dealing with it's come
it's kind of like you know being being
left out addiction just you know
misguided use or whatever finding each
other and finding healing together so
there's a interesting to put that out
there and stay on subject so it's kind
of hard for me to do just my thoughts
are more scattered in my my when you
rhond that's the unique thing about
songwriting too is you're just you know
there's really no structure to it there
doesn't have to be right all the time
you're rhyming like there's rhyming
you're coming up with different rhyme
schemes and in different patterns and
and you know and you don't really like
you're not necessarily telling a story
from beginning ahead you know so I've
done that too and I've always felt like
you know I need a structure my you know
my songs a little differently or a
little better
sometimes I want attention I'll be
writing it with one word and I'll riding
with that one word the whole song and I
would tell myself like you know I'm a
great Rider and riding her stuff but I
don't need to show people that
compromise ain't worth all so exactly I
know yeah I mean yeah I mean that's
where like that talent it comes from as
far as like choppin and writing and got
all these bars but your rhyme and stuff
like I said that doesn't really go
together I now listen to like some like
I'm sayin tec-9 and he's just so fast
you know follow me all around the campus
resemble ecology he was like don't what
stuff in it and so they would be like
filler the stuff as a hold on well how
did you just randomly throw in that your
partners with Waka Flocka your chakras
are pop enough the worldwide choppers I
hold on your partner's would Waka Flocka
then your chakras are popping up uh-huh
this is just insane just like you know
so I mean it's cool because he's so good
at doing it fast and just throwing all
these words together almost like to do
they used to be in the Micro Machines
commercials when we were kids you know
the oxygen type guy but um yeah it's
like you just you're just using filler
words I mean a lot of people we don't
curse in our music but a lot of people
use curse words as they're saying filler
words so they're all types of s bombs or
F bombs or whatever the case is in there
you know there's really no structure
it's really not going anywhere but it's
just like it's more random but it's just
you just rhyme in right and you're just
you know may not be as random as some of
these other artists but like because a
lot of times I'll eventually make it
make sense doesn't
yeah there won't be no order of the flow
it just kind of lays it you're rhyming
one word from another then you'll take
it from here to there yeah it has its
own journey like it's it's own thing I
mean I know that's definitely my my
style of writing for the most part and
people love it you know what I'm saying
because it paints a picture and it's
like a journey together okay first we're
talking about this now we're talking
about this now we're talking about this
versus this one song has it's only about
this like the soul just one song is only
about a breakup no the song is about
I mentioned my breakup I mentioned my
childhood she was really good at that
about like telling the story and and
sticking like really kind
ladies to others you know and like
weather was talking about you know him
growing up and going through different
things but he would narrow it down where
it was more like on one subject and he
would just embellish that subject and
you know in in many different ways but
it'll be more focused of a song you know
and like I said it's more book and this
song is about this and and he was able
to really relate with this audience and
he did a really great job and you know
that's why I notice I'm like okay man
this kids you know he's blowing up and
he's doing great
days and it's like and I noticed that
now it was like one of his how do you
say that was one of his things where he
was really good at my hotel is story and
he'll tell it in a way where you know he
was able to relate it so many kids
because he was more focused on like the
whole story right up whether he was you
know tagging and getting arrested or
like he has this one story about how he
got stabbed like he got a he used to be
tagging and then and I guess he got
jumped and stabbed in almost lost his
life so he did a whole song about it you
know I'm saying and this is just one of
many songs but a lot of his songs like I
said they're more focused like you won't
hear too many random you know songs and
their songs that he knows that the kids
that listen music are gonna relate to
like whether it's the girls the females
like he has a song talking about how
girls like they're always putting on
makeup and you know you take a hundred
you take a hundred selfies and you only
pick out one you know what I'm saying
like things like that that are really
relative like now especially like
nowadays and that kids nowadays can
relate to like he's really good at
knowing what you know like what's going
on now and what are the creating soup
and then he could put it into a song to
where it's like powerful and then like
you know or even though there's another
cat named gremlin he's really good at it
talking about breakups you know talking
about you know girls not value in
themselves or guys not valuing the girls
and just speaking all on that topic and
just just making the most out of it and
I'm just holding Nestle there's a lot of
people doing it I mean you I mean look
at Joyner Lucas I think that all the
like successful guys have been able to
do that yeah I mean just the songs that
that that that that have meaning to them
not just a good catchy song those songs
come and go but the songs that have a
meaning they're usually telling a story
although whether it's the you know I'm
saying the rock from the you know late
sixties early seventies rock music that
we used to listen to like all of that
stuff it had a stories telling you a
story there's other bands out there even
bands who kind of write you know I'm
saying more the way that I do like the
one band that comes to mind is the band
Bush like trying to listen to Bush's
music people like what in the world is
he talking about with it's a bunch of
little like bars like even for me a lot
of a lot of myself and I even like
writing this way is letting that bar be
about something like nut nut bar but
let's say for four bars so all of these
four bars go together they still
piggyback because it's in the same
context but there's another four bars
that they are talking about the same
thing and so there'll be sixteen in a
verse if you do that so there's you know
four of those four eight twelve sixteen
yeah so there's four of those little
bitty stories or brackets that all tie
in which I did in my song alpha that's a
really one that's close to me because
I'll just remember writing it in
sections versus having the whole the
whole writing it to all together
if that makes any sense for you maybe
the people listening have no idea what
we're talking about a bar you don't say
but it's about writing you know and I
like even like looking at my lyrics to
where I haven't pasted it out it's like
this whole thing like here's four bars
about Jordan Maxwell his four bars about
Helena Blavatsky here's four bars about
spirit contact you know what I'm saying
and it all ties into one one umbrella
yeah yeah have you ever had that moment
where you're like writing and you feel
like you're channeling like like
something else or you're just like in a
really good groove and you almost feel
like you're channeling like something
from another like realm or like you feel
like you're someone's guiding your pin
like the best way I describe it I just
felt like you know like man like I can't
be like this coming out good right at
the moment you're just riding you're in
a groove and then later I listen to a
song and I'm like I can't believe I came
up with that like low key I feel like
someone once again with as my guardian
angels are like my brother like
right like someone helping me with these
lyrics or giving me these ideas these
intuitions these notions and these
lectures - like the weights you know
there's a couple songs that I have I'm
like I cannot believe I wrote that and
how it came out like that so perfect and
like how did I create that and I can't
give you no credit I can't take all the
credit I'm like you know I'm saying God
gives me these thoughts like you know
I'm saying like my I know my my Angels
are over there looking over me and
helping me do what I do best right I
know this stuff - right like yeah you
know you know these certain things that
you're writing about in your songs deep
it's mind-blowing you like I just wrote
that I've been doing it just you know
with that as far as writing my songs
definitely I mean we deal with higher
knowledge in our song right so it's
gonna happen a lot more for us but even
writing my book I'm writing and working
on two books right now and I'm writing a
paragraph and I'm like God just need to
just share that and I'll just copy it
and paid throw it up on the internet
like this is good and it ministers to
you right and that's the weird thing
with that like when you're writing it
you're like wow this is this is magic
and it really is an alchemical process
it really is magic using words I mean
words are magic we're we're performing
rights as we write or some people
writing cursive and they speak curses
over people and we're spelling and with
our spelling we're speaking spells over
people good or bad blessings of curses
or whatever but yeah we get we get done
we step away from something like wow
we're blown away it's even bigger when
you come back months or years later and
you look back especially if you're
talking about higher consciousness stuff
like we're talking about anything you're
going through a rough spot you you don't
there's no synchronicities you you don't
feel like you have a purpose or a point
in the world I mean do we go do this
rollercoaster right you go through these
dark times and you listen to your music
you like man I don't even believe I
wrote that there's no way and the hard
thing for us to it for me it's been
harder like it's a little bit it's less
fun there's gonna be less music coming
out because of this because we set the
bar so high and now every song has to be
better than that song
and if we put out one we've we've done a
disservice to ourselves to the fans to
the community because we've wrote stuff
that may have been channeled I don't
know where it comes from it definitely
comes from God right but um we're like
every song has to meet or beat that we
set a level it's like Oh Lord that's a
great song like that's an otherworldly
song people listen to that song and they
leave their body like they go on that
journey no pressure
next song no pressure it's like come on
dude and um death that's how you get
better better better better but I found
myself kind of repeating the words and
having songs that are just let me just
finish the verse or whatever and I'm
like I'm selling my I feel like I'm
selling myself out to do that so how
many times can I use those ramen words
how many times can I talk about the same
thing and articulate it it's different
when I sit down here at the computer to
write to work on a beat let me write
something that's one thing but most of
those beautiful songs and most of those
weird rhyming schemes that really stand
out have been when we were doing other
stuff right they weren't like okay it's
time to write a song and you get
something beautiful sometimes it works
but the majority is you're joggin and
then you're like transcend the physical
spiritual individual faithful uh but
work some healing and with the syllables
third our visual of teaching mystical
principles like hold on let me write
that down
and then I can take that and then come
back to the lab and dissect it and add
to it and get another rhyming scheme
that kind of fits with that beat of
these little pieces of paper that I've
wrote doing other stuff not writing
music but working on the car cutting
grass jogging you know whatever you're
doing and so those little phrases and
things that come to you man some of the
best ones I've written were not wrote
while I was working on a song now I've
been able to add to it because I have to
have the kind of a topic I have the
syllables there that I'm gonna keep
trying to go with and I already have a
layout and a beat for it so then I can
come to the lab and still dive in with
that some of it and I guess some of it
is let's put on the beat let's write
being got it but most of it comes from
other places due to subconscious
yeah absolutely I so remember I said
right uh I surround my bike a lot when I
was younger and I remember I used to be
riding a bike and and and I would get
like melodies like I remember that's
what it was specifically for me like I
would get these melodies right like
hooks like all of a sudden I was coming
out with these catchy like hooks and
legs it just out of nowhere and you're
just riding the adrenaline swollen the
endorphins right
yeah and things are just copying in your
head and then I remember I used to have
to bust out my phone while I'm on my
bike and I use at the press record like
what's your cord yeah and I was you know
I'm saying and I would like I'm free I
you know I don't memory exact melodies
whatever but I would just like have to
sing them all and I would have to record
it right then and there because I would
have to let like would like if I want to
remember how exactly it sounded exactly
how I you know exactly how okay I need a
recording exactly how it sounds in my
head right now yeah so later when I go
to record it's gonna you know an idea or
so like that's something to go back to
your now like now I wake up in the
morning and I go get my exercise I'll
walk around they have a reservoir here
in LA it's called Silver Lake Reservoir
I'll go walk and I'll still like go and
bust out a beep and I found out that
when I'm walking and I listen to a beat
like the lyrics come to me a lot easier
and a lot better so I like to be in
motion basically when I'm writing my
lyrics you know so while still throwing
a beat and say okay like like and but
once again whatever cuz of my head then
I just start writing it out down you
know so you're still kind of forcing it
but then I had those moments where like
I said I'm on the biking I had to get on
my moisture quarter and record whatever
I could hear in my head just like I
remember later yeah yeah because you
yoga if you ride it and say you're
driving or you pull over you pull over
and write stuff down cuz it's like there
it is I'll write it down and then get
home either that evening exhausted or
get go back to it the next day I don't
know my rhyming scheme like I can't just
wrap this to any beat I don't and and
for the life of me like that's trash now
because I can't remember the tempo what
might have been a little bit different
and you can't remember it so pulling out
your phone and just wrapping it in your
phone just so you know the cadence that
you
and just getting it out of you because
you'll forget it you know and I've been
doing the same thing with my writing and
stuff was kind of like this thing with
God is like just get it out of you like
get it out and I'm gonna give you more
same thing with the lyrics get that get
that four syllables out that two bars
out get that out and I'm gonna give you
more you give it a build and build and
build a building I'm gonna give it to
you
creativity is gonna flow all of that in
the same way with working on my books
right now I'm it's hard to get inspired
because there's so much that you know
you got to do so it's like crippling
evens like man I don't even a book is
gonna be a lot so I don't even think so
it pushes you off because you've got so
much to do but now I'll be like doing
something around the house and I'll have
a sentence come to me and I'll say
alright pull it up just come to the
computer real quick get it out I mean
you may have a paragraph you may have
three sentences but get it out and as
those three sentences a get out its
stored and now I have more to give you
and it's gonna flow God's not gonna give
you the beginning and the middle stuff
and just fill it all in you can't carry
that all in your head you got to get it
out of you and so really like I've been
writing some stuff about that process of
the Lord says I will give you a new
heart okay that's the topic I will give
you a new heart and then boom here's the
revelation it's coming it's coming it's
coming
Wow I just wrote three pages about God
giving you a new heart and I had no idea
where this came from so there you go you
get into the flow state that's what it's
called whether you talk about people
talk about channeling I think that a lot
of these people who are so-called
channelers or even tapping into the flow
state and they're like I don't know who
it comes from they'll give it another
voice they'll give it a name this is
coming this is a guy named Bashar who
lives on the planet Zenon you know and
in it it gives them an instant
credibility when they do that but they
it's tapping into that source field that
they don't know where it comes from or
how to explain it but I really feel like
it comes from within somewhere you know
those experiences and that's always the
best stuff to like say that's that's
when you know it's gonna be you know
saying something powerful and something
that is gonna be worth you know saving
and writing down and it's usually like I
said it's always like a good
that's why you have to write it down
because you're like old man this is good
and they said that's something you
wouldn't think of you know when you just
sit down trying to force it unless it's
in the flow of peace because like you
said a lot of times yeah
I'll get one with some lyrics I'll sit
down little bee I'll get gone but it's
not until like the middle or the end or
like the second version Sam right in
three Barbara's like sometimes it's like
the second or third verse I'm like oh
man this is getting good
and then you'll even scrap the first two
verses and just keep going off for the
third because like you now you're in a
flow and you're in a rhythm and you're
channeling or legs and you're really
long the groove of things and now you
got it going so like you know so it's
and that's when you like know you tapped
in right so you know but I definitely
have those experience and I and I love
those experience and once again and
that's when your that's when you're in
another place and that's when you're
you're zoned out and that's when you're
you're how do you say it like your
escape being right because you're not
yeah that's when you're totally in your
and your your realm
have you ever I've had this happen like
notably on on one occasion the song is
decent but have you ever woke up and had
lyrics in your head like fresh out of
bed that it's like in your mind there
was a song that came to you you wake up
singing it repeating it over and over
you're like I got to get this down or
jump in the booth and record it you ever
woke up and had that bat in your head
yeah it's definitely happened to I can
recall this happen to me once or twice
but it you know it's not like everyday
type thing but I do remember that
happens to me one time and but what I do
notice is that likes it when I go take
my walks in the morning the the best
things come to me is when you're right
out of the dream state like that's what
I notice yeah and like whether it's
thoughts or whether it's like lyrics
like in the morning and just I just
noticed that my thoughts and my lyrics
they're just so much more potent for
whatever reason you know and I my
brother hunter a ROM he explained it to
me is because it's when you're off the
soul plane right when you get off of
that dream state and that soul plane
you're still like halfway in it so like
you're still in that whole other you
know that other route so like you're
able to get these thoughts that you
wouldn't have liked later in the day
because you're because once we wake up
and we start doing our daily thing we
start doing our thang you already get me
so influenced by our
thing else right but when you just wake
up when you just fresh from your sleep
these thoughts that are in your mind are
like you know could be from this other
you know I'm saying the soul plane as he
described it you know yeah it's out for
something man
I remember the lyrics and it wasn't you
know and it weird thing is I'm thinking
about it now it's almost like it could
have been like just God speaking to me
and I just turned it into a song you
know what I'm saying like God just
giving me something there's a song wake
up with it but it was a song called I
did a song called chase Christ and it
was uh it was when I was dealing with
all the prosperity guys in the church
and going back and forth with the
Christian rap and stuff but it was a day
chase money we chased Christ they want
to have it all we just want to have life
you need a new vision you need a new
view because this is so much bigger than
you but I remember I woke up singing it
in my head and I just went straight to
the Busan well laid it down so it's cool
when that happens a lot of time saying
it just like just it just random thought
like just be thoughts but then you turn
it into you know you turn it into a song
or a lyric is when I first wake up is
what I'm the most inspired to do to do
anything you know and I always try to
act on you know my thoughts in the
morning yeah it's interesting man for us
and like cuz you know witness dialogue
with God right with consciousness and
it's like God's trying to speak to you
and we're trying to turn it into a song
like I remember like getting like
getting those inspirations like that or
just random of the day random words come
to my head like you know I'm saying
serenity I need to do a song called
serenity and I feel like gods like no
I'm trying to you need to seek serenity
I want to give you some serenity don't
write a song about it you need serenity
in your life you know and but we just
but that's just how we are as poets in
the psalmist we just we write we're
looking for inspiration and we're no
matter where it comes from you know
we're gonna write it you know what you
should be really really uh what I used
to love and what I remember as a as an
artist when I had my home studio or like
when I was younger when I when all I had
to do was music when I had no you know
no job and then they're just going to
school or something or like there was a
time where maybe our friends it was 24/7
music we were literally like for example
we be in the studio and then we
be riding on like all day or all night
right so we be writing and recording all
night we'll write the song record it
will be like you know you go to like so
I go trough the studio right we're
listening to a song that we just
recorded I'll go to sleep wake up go
straight to the studio
turn on the studio listen to the song
that we just recorded last night hear
the song and then and then basically
jump into the next song or the next
verse or whatever it was and I remember
that's like I feel like that's what
music was because now I don't have that
type of leeway to be doing that you know
I'm saying with all the different things
going on but at that point I just know
that's what music was so beautiful and
so free and like so flowing and like
because literally when to sleep you know
after just doing a song or you know
dreaming about the me that you wake up
first thing you do is play the song you
just recorded last night and then you
either like said continue that song or
okay in the throne room next me and it
was just 24/7 it was like I was living
the life of an artist which I've done
few times I when we went touring and
just back in the days when the I don't
know if I was a student I might've been
a student at that point or maybe I
wasn't enrolled in class but yeah now
was the days man when I'm saying now go
to sleep basically go to sleep in the
studio wake up in the studio you know
and then that's the first thing you do
the last before you go to sleep first
thing you do in the morning and I just
remember that would give you that
definitely gave me a lot so much more
like you know a lot of inspiration and
just a lot more creativity and it just I
just never feeling good and I just like
wish I go back to those days which I can
but like you know now you know you just
life changes you know so now you know
I'm not as young and I got a lot of how
we probably you probably progressed a
lot more in your style stylistically but
no they I mean those those early times
are near and dear to your heart and then
we first started recording and first we
built a vocal booth me and my
father-in-law
we built a vocal booth and had a set up
in my living room and it's four years
you come in my living room and we and
our family living room we have a vocal
booth set up and I had a wireless
keyboard and wireless mouse and mouse
and I would look through the screen in
the booth and the computer was outside
and I would record it from in the booth
and there
oh man I love you setup and people would
come over and we work on songs together
and we would knock the song out and
after every song we'd get in the car
with someone who had a system and we'd
ride to that song and bump it in the
system and be like oh man we hear little
things in it we need to change but it
was usually on to the next one it was
just like man I got a song it's a it's a
song and it's pretty good and here's
another one and so we just knock out all
types of music but every time we get
done with the song we get in the car and
ride I don't have that you know
enthusiasm for it anymore but record the
song and just be so excited I'm getting
in the car listening to it like that but
early days do definitely did that you
know is that the same setup that you had
when we were there cuz that reminds me
we do yeah yeah yeah yeah for sure yeah
you can see through it and yeah yeah
yeah so you guys recorded it in that
booth yeah I took that down a couple
years ago and I just got I mean now as
long as you got a good mic and you have
one of those what they call a portable
vocal booth which is just a little
wraparound
that wraps around as long as you had a
good mic in that you're straight but my
mic sucked so bad like it picked up the
room it was like a little hundred dollar
mic and it just would pick up just the
atmosphere and a lot of wind and air and
so it needed a boost like that but that
was good to have a booth in my living
room because my wife could be watching a
movie and I'm in the booth record song
you know in the same place but uh yeah
man the good old days you know recording
a song with you and then doing the music
video out in the backyard with the water
hose and yeah you know make it what it
was like knowing that like said we just
you know two kids from California came
all the way to your studio now that was
a great great video man still it still
holds up to this day bro it's a good
yeah the song is a great song but when
we see the video we're like man you
would literally think we're like out in
like Amazon or a lot of did a lot of
people care because I took some some
Amazon forests and stuff like drone
shots that
look look very similar to where we were
but literally we're in my backyard and
it looks like this magic was magical so
we're killing the magic now now but um
ya know that was that was fun and like I
said the rain and it was funny to just
on some other stuff like I was I
remember I would I would do stuff and
post stuff that would kind of challenge
people's dichotomy especially the
religious community and I wasn't really
a Blavatsky fan and I knew a lot of
people who knew who she were so I put a
Boulevard ski quote at the end I've
tried to find like a good levansky quote
a lot of Christians like can't stand her
cause she's into theosophy and she's the
mother of the New Age movement and
things like that so I was like you know
what let me find a decent quote that I
can put at the from levansky just to
mess with people but uh because then
other songs I say expose you as a fraud
like levansky but that's just some
background info too for people who watch
this this beautiful video then the spoof
Watsky quote definitely like you know or
like well we're doing for the song for
the tour just like everything that we're
doing at the time the movement you know
what people don't know is we had to put
our clothes in the dryer after that and
wait for them to dry so we could you
know move on to the next date you know
yeah yeah yeah yeah I wore my ET shirt I
got I got that ET shirt from from
Universal where we went on the ET ride
so yeah there's some little back I don't
have that shirt anymore it's definitely
too small but dude yeah man good
memories and man I enjoyed hanging out
with you on here catching up like I said
you didn't know what we're gonna talk
about assessor's roll with it man
there's so much that we we can talk
about and so much that we can probably
keep going but we've already done almost
two and a half hours so it'd be good
spot the end it man thanks for coming on
hanging out with me people who want to
know in the chat are you one YouTube
where to find your stuff go ahead and
plug your music and all that cool stuff
where people can check you out
do give your kudos to shout out to you
because a lot of your stuff is branded
under the same thing modern-day soldier
so it's really easy to find versus
modern-day soldier my email is you know
godson 187 my
Facebook is so-and-so so kudos on the
branding with that but yeah go ahead and
share your stuff man as a marketing PR
major had to you know make sure my
stuff's all branded so yeah anybody
wants to find me or my music maybe
search me up you go google me uh you
know modern-day soldier soldiers sou l
je a but Omaha Mon YouTube so same thing
YouTube you can just type in modern-day
soldier sou lja all one word or three
different words all my stuff should pop
out iTunes Spotify you know I'm on any
any different streaming platform that
you know I'm saying you can find my
music Google Play I got some music
videos on on YouTube as well so yeah
once again is just modern-day soldier
soldiers sou LJ modern day spelled as is
and yeah I even have a the website I
think the website is net so modern a
soldier dotnet but uh but yeah for my
music you might want to say you go
straight to the website find all my
different links or you could just go to
youtube itunes spotify wherever you get
your music and type in modern-day
soldier sou l j is in the soul the
spirit the soul of Jah
the soul of job H Louis nowadays I know
right
someone tried to get me to change my
name it had a HSN and you know I
couldn't do it just because like the
branding right I had to keep the brand
new actually yeah once you once you do
it you got to go with it I'm glad that I
changed mine early on cuz I was true
seeker at one point and I'm trying to
brand that maybe I would've did good at
Brandon I think I'm pretty good at
branding at this point maybe I would
have maybe I would have been the first
result on the truth seeker now that
would be cool that's a lot more organic
hits hmm but when I put the aah you know
totally all my stuff pops up and it was
easy to get the websites and all that
kind of stuff too so yeah shout out man
will do it again brother I enjoyed it
yeah thank you for having me and next
time when I got my album or a couple
things going on I hit you up we do it
again bro I brought peace and Shalom
blessings
modern-day soldier Matthew Schuler
ladies and gentlemen for those of you
watching live I'm sorry for the hiccups
in the stream I don't know it seems like
the Internet's been doing good but
what's up with this program now I don't
know it's been crazy and it's really
irritating but you know what we may do
what we got I will edit it put it
together for a good audio podcast and
make it sound cohesive but no really
good show really enjoyed it talked a lot
about a lot of music went in on our
knowledge and love of Tupac Shakur
overcoming addictions marijuana
addiction DDD you know a bunch of really
cool stuff talked about Christ and
spirituality as we always do and what it
means to him what it means to me I like
to throw my two cents in there and just
got to give you guys some background
information on this songs and writing
process and recording process and what
that looks like what that sounds like so
yeah there's a bunch of different uh
just background shots in there so with
that I'm gonna say peace and Shalom and
thank you guys for hanging out if you'd
like to support my work see everything
that we're bringing to the table a bunch
of really cool stuff go to patreon
patreon com backslash truth seeker you
get access to my music that song we're
talking about fearless it's it's on
patreon it's a really good song the
videos even better go check them out
together if you haven't type in true
seeker fearless on YouTube check it out
patreon.com backslash true psycho bunch
of really cool stuff just to answer a
question right quick I know there were
some questions coming through
John judo my brother he's asking what is
the topics that I am writing my books on
that I mentioned at the beginning two
different ones started off writing one
it's called
the spirit realm or spirit world and
it's really just covering a bunch of
different angels demons entities and the
sovereignty of God and how they all
coexist into this spiritual ecosystem
and influenced mankind in our daily walk
in and out of that and and really paints
a picture of the sovereignty of God is
showing at you how God uses all of that
stuff and they all have to answer to the
Almighty Creator so that's that's one
but it's a bunch of spiritual encounters
with different entities and beings and
angels and demons and aliens and all
that kind of stuff so that's going to be
in that book the second book
as far as the working title right now is
just simply knowing who we are in Christ
in the heavenly realms and so I'm just
really talking about knowing what we
look like who we are what we have access
to and how to get access to it by
practicing the presence of God and
practicing spending time with God in
intimacy and in prayer and in meditation
and so yeah it's gonna be good some good
stuff so yeah be on the lookout for that
patreon.com back that's true so you can
check it out love y'all peace peace
that does it for this episode folks to
hear more episodes of the truth seeker
podcast head over to Jessica calm and if
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get rewards go to our patreon page at
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