Spirituality To Overcome Addiction | Linville M. Meadows | TruthSeekah Podcast
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esoteric and all things spiritual
and now your host truth seeker
hey what's up ladies and gentlemen i'm
your host true seeker this is the truth
secret podcast i'm excited delighted to
be with you guys again for another
episode and we cover all things
spiritual today we're going to be
talking about
a spiritual pathway from recovery
uh and addiction uh recovery from
addiction so
spirituality spiritual practice
spiritual principles
to tap into that um before we get
started lin there's a uh
some kind of feedback loop i don't know
if it's the microphone
there it is it's the headphones all
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and um yep without further ado we'll go
ahead and jump into
today's discussion my guest today is
linville meadows linville welcome to the
true secret podcast my friend
how are you
hi how are you derek i'm doing doing
pretty good man excited
to talk about you and hear your story
uh i'm excited too i've been looking
forward to this quite a bit for sure for
sure
um so we're talking about recovery
um and you wrote a book about the
spirit how spirituality links into it
because the sound keeps popping in and
out i'm sorry
myself at all right now okay let me know
in the chat if you guys can hear me or
if it's just uh
lin linville's can you hear me now
can't hear me okay
hmm can you guys hear me in the chat
can everybody hear me in the chat room
how about now can you hear me now
nothing wow
don't know you might have to uh make
sure i didn't mute myself
i might have muted myself somehow no
can you hear me can you hear me
still no
headphones didn't you plug your
headphones in just now
now i can't hear you
linville are you there
i can't hear you now there how's that i
can hear you now can you hear me
yes pretty good okay we're good we're
good
all right um your story uh you wrote a
book
a spiritual pathway to recovery from
addiction
um is this a personal story or is this
just your study
in addiction it's both both okay
both over the over the i um have been
sober since
1997 um and i've learned a lot
about um about the problem uh of
addiction and about
how to how to recover from it um i
was a wino and a cokehead
i was a drunk and a junkie and the thing
about addiction is it really just just
takes away uh everything that that you
hold dear
in the end you'll sacrifice uh anything
a friend of mine once said you lynn you
don't understand how bad this disease is
but you will give your old lady to the
dope man
for a bag of dope and you will kill him
for half a bag
and that's absolutely true the disease
affects
the mind and the body and the spirit now
i can't really define what spirit is i
have ideas
but so any treatment that really wants
to um
to to go at the heart of the disease has
to treat
all three of these by removing the drugs
and the alcohol from your system your
body will eventually recover
unless of course you've gotten cirrhosis
or some other bad thing
the mind is is damaged by every
uh every get high you can name is a
neurotoxin
and and it poisons the brain uh pickles
it
even and most of that recovers over a
period of time
but that effect isn't related to the
actual levels of drug or alcohol you
have in your system at that time
but the spirit is the is the is i think
the most the most essential part because
if you don't
change those problems in in who you are
as a person
you're going to go right back to your to
your addiction and and so
what i have discovered is is a pathway
that works for me
and it's important to know for everybody
to know that what works for me is not
going to work for anybody else
all right nobody and what i'm hoping
is that um by sharing my experiences
somebody will pick up one bit or one
part that'll help them on their journey
so when i say something please don't
take it for gospel truth all right
because i have some
some interesting but also very strong
ideas
because i've been working on this for a
long time
so how did you find recovery and
or sobriety and how many times did you
try that's a big one
i had a guy out here i think 30 sec a
guy been into 37 different rehabs and
yeah the 37th time was a charm
but what about you well until a person
is ready to quit
there's no sense in trying to talk them
into you can send me to 37
rehabs but if i'm not ready to quit it's
not gonna work
i can't tell you that you're an
alcoholic the judge can't tell you that
you're a junkie
your your wife can't tell you that
you're both i have to realize it for
myself
and be willing to go up to any length
um to find uh to find a new way of life
i was willing to go to any lengths to to
get my drug of choice i've been known to
go to three different atms in three
different counties and drive to a whole
another county
to um to find a dope deal when i finally
got home leaving at 5 pm i got home
4 a.m in the morning all right i have to
be willing to put that kind of energy
into my recovery if it's going to be
successful
yeah those what what wait no i would say
whenever you think about it and i talked
to a guy on here uh
about you know drug addiction and just
the way the mind works
when you think about the creative links
that an addict will go to like you said
and hit all the atms and think about
how to make something out of nothing i
don't have any money but i need to get
50 bucks today to get my fix and you'll
find
ways to do it you know versus someone
saying i don't have anything
and uh nobody will help me like the
addict will
find a way how to make something out of
nothing to get what they need
if they would do that for like you said
constructive things in their life and
you're saying maybe
you have to actually tap into that for
your recovery
though that same you know
neurotransmitters of okay let's see how
we can make this happen how can i make
something out of nothing
you kind of got to tap into that for
your recovery too that's very
interesting the way the mind works
within with an addict or even a drug
dealer for that for that matter
yes um people come to see the doctor for
two real reasons either they're in pain
or they're afraid
and it turns out that the two motivating
factors that bring somebody
into the rooms of a of a self-help group
are
pain and fear uh the the pain is
obviously internal
i can't stand myself against what i've
become uh and my
my goal every day is to get enough drugs
in me to blot out my consciousness
all right um for me it was fear all
right
um um i believe that
that within each of us there's this
terrible terrible monster down there at
the bottom someplace
as as i mentioned you would you reach a
point where you would kill
for half a bag of dough and a lot of
people say well i would never do that or
that would never happen to me
um but that's just a yet um most people
have no idea of
of what i'm talking about here uh but
some do
um uh and and i've seen that monster
come out in me
and it was so frightening it happened
this this all of a sudden this thing
sort of morphed out of me
and it grew and grew until it was about
nine feet tall and i knew it was me
and i was so frightened i went and hid
in the corner
and cleared up curled up into a little
ball and he turned around at me
and he was smirking at me and i knew
that if he came at me he would kill me
and that's the most frightened i've ever
been in my life now was that a
i don't know what kind of experience
that is but but i but the memory of it
is as clear as the night that it
happened and so that
i was willing to go to any length
to keep that from happening again now in
terms of being
a physician the other thing that happens
is
there is a group called the prn the
physicians recovery net
network but if it discovers that that
you are
impaired as a physician they will come
and try to rescue you
in the sense that that they will keep
your name from going to the medical
board because the medical board found
out it finds out you're impaired your
license is gone
so what they do is they intervene and
send you to a special sort of rehab
that's geared just for doctors um and
uh with the clear understanding that if
you don't complete this program your
license is gone
all right and that kind of fear is a
real strong motivating factor
one of the things that's funny about
being a doctor in rehab
is it takes us a month just to realize
we're not the doctor
anymore for the patient wow
that's wild yeah it is um
i'm reading here in the comment section
robin says my mom said if my dad put as
much effort into
anything as he put into getting crack he
would have been a millionaire
yes the thing one of the things about
addicts and alcoholics and there's
actually studies that demonstrate this
that as a group we're more talented and
more creative
and and unfortunately we're more
spiritual
okay um um
dylan thomas who was the famous well
support model the best alcoholics going
died at age 38 of
chronic alcoholism um he understood his
disease he says that
that within me there's a beast there's
an angel
and there's a madman okay the beast is
the beast i just described to you he
knew it very well
the madman is that part of me that's
insane
okay um there's lots of forms of
insanity there's the depression that
happens when you come in
pretty much every person walks into
rehab they are clinically depressed
um there's the neurotoxins that affected
my brain
and then fully half of people who have a
mental diagnosis
and half of people who are addicted will
each belong in the other group
so that so that there there's a high
likelihood for example
i'm bipolar all right um and but the
other
kind of insanity is the insanity of the
disease itself which i think is
hardwired into us as addicts and
alcoholics
because i can i can be in a really good
shape and i can um
be walking down the street and all of a
sudden out of the clear blue will come a
thought that says
why don't you get a glass of wine all
right and um
and i'll go well i really don't want a
glass of wine i'm trying to be sober
here
and then then you'll hear the voice and
it'll say
well they won't be able to smell it on
your breath
and i went that's not true i know i can
smell it on your breath
and they said the voice said you can
have two
only and that's what yeah well you see
the thing of it is with
once there's an invisible line that you
cross that you go from being an
app from being a heavy user to being an
ad when you cross that line you no
longer have the choice
of using or not using you no longer have
the choice of stopping at one drink or
two
the first drink goes in and it triggers
some alteration in your in your body
biochemistry well you can't stop until
you either run out of get highs
or you pass out all right that's the the
the insanity of addiction and that i
think will always be there
now our saving grace is that as alcohol
alcoholics and addicts is the fact we do
have this very strong spiritual side
almost everybody that i've talked to in
the program has either wanted to go into
the ministry
or to the priesthood or some kind of
thing like that
unfortunately most of those places won't
have us
um my sponsor of when i first came into
the program
uh used to it was in the seminary and he
got kicked out because he went every
night to the jazz bars and played his
piano
and that just wasn't considered
appropriate for somebody in the seminary
so there is a very strong spiritual bit
that's the angel that's what will save
us um
when when the going gets trusted and
tough that connection we have to some
kind of deep
spirituality whatever that is um
is is the third part of the of the beast
uh the angel and the madman and that's
what saves us
and and what did that look like for you
what what was the you know spiritual
connection that helped you
uh get sober
um well the the first thing that gets
you sober is that you get into a
situation with other
physicians nurses uh lawyers whatever
baseball players
and you see that um
that they're happy they're laughing
cutting the fool
um and i wanted what they had i wanted
to be that way
um so i ran around after them trying to
figure out what they were doing
when i when a person gets into that when
the person is deep in their addiction
they no longer trust
anybody and their life is hopeless all
right
um and any you go to a meeting
and and you feel very uncomfortable
there with all these people you don't
understand them or anything
and then somebody gets up and tells his
or her story
and suddenly you realize that that's
your story as if you'd written it down
word for word and handed it to him to to
read out loud and you go well
i can trust that guy he knows who i am
and with that kind of trust comes hope
home
right and the next bit that actually
reaffirms that hope
is is they will tell you you are a child
of god
and because of that you are and you are
a good and worthy person
you are a good person with a bad disease
if i was the if i was the disease
then there would be no hope for me but
since it's just a disease like
rheumatoid arthritis or diabetes
it can be treated and the good person
who i
am essentially um will will be able to
come back out
alcoholics and addicts are the most
honest kind compassionate people
you would ever want to meet but their
hearts are very
very tender way too sensitive and the
pain of the world the hypocrisy we see
the dishonesty
slowly begins to get to us um
we most people will drink a bit when
they're in their in their uh
uh teens and early twenties and then
they stop the problem with us
is that we can't stop after a while and
then then the pain of our using and the
consequences of others
uh makes the makes us shut the heart
down and the ego takes over
um and that good person who is hidden in
there could just can't get out anymore
yeah
yeah you find a difference with uh
having
a drink socially with uh friends
and then those other people we can have
a couple drinks
get into some great conversation really
enjoy ourselves
but there's other people that you bring
into that and it's like
they're drinking to forget something
they're not drinking to loosen up and to
be
silly and have a good time they're
drinking to forget
with the in and so it stands out when
it's in a group of people who kind of
can
can control and you know what i'm saying
they they know how much they can have
versus that person it's like knock in
the hold on
we're having a beer you just had eight
double shots
like hold on this is crazy you know and
you see those people and you run in
circles with them and it's like
yeah this is a problem i can't do this
around you i can't because i'm
essentially being an enabler when you
get around me and we have
a couple beers you're turning up and you
can't stop
that kind of thing there's a difference
there right yes
90 well addiction is a very democratic
disease it affects people no matter
what your social status it doesn't care
what kind of car
your daddy drives how much money you got
your bank account
uh what religion you were brought up in
none of that whether you work as a
doctor or a doc
worker or a or a waitress it doesn't
care fully 10
of the population um and this is
worldwide it's not just in the us
10 will end up having a problem with
drugs or alcohol and cross that line
into addiction now they have some sort
of biologic predisposition
all right so the other the other nine
people
in our in our youthful using group will
go on and be able to quit
but the one of us in 10 who bears that
genetic predisposition
will they will cross that line and they
will not be able to stop for the rest of
their lives
you can never go back to being a heavy
user
once you've crossed the line into
addiction the old-timers like to say
that you can
a raisin can never go back to being a
grape and i think that describes that
that transition that happens yeah
um that's interesting and you don't
think you
you think that's for for everyone
because i know like a lot of people who
are in like aaa
and stuff it's this idea that i will
always be an addict and i cannot go back
um and they can't have a sip i don't
know if it
i don't know if it's that they're
programmed that way you don't you
haven't
never seen that work for people who were
an addict now they
you know can have a drink and be okay
with it you think that like
across the board like it is that's the
idea of that no
they say well the question is are you an
addict to begin with
um are you an addict or are you just a
hurt
child you know what i'm saying
unresolved childhood trauma you know
what i'm saying turns out that 70
of all addicts and alcoholics lead a
relatively normal life there's no abuse
there's no
bad things going on being raised um
it's only 30 percent that have that in
their history so that's really
not uh it could certainly make anything
worse but it's not a part of the disease
itself
no yeah i've i've never seen anybody who
could take one drink
after years of sobriety um and
and get away with it now maybe there are
i've just never met any
okay uh the people that go to aaa and n
a and other sorts cocaine anonymous
whatever
other sorts of self-help group have
reached a point
where they can't uh they can't live the
way they were
they've reached what's called a turning
point in their life for me
it was it was a point i knew it was
either quit
or die as a physician i was living in
this great wonderful
house driving a brand new car lots of
money in the bank and i knew with
absolute certainty that i was going to
die
soon chasing the dope man down in dark
alley
some days i really wanted to quit and
some days i just didn't care
yeah and what was your drug of choice
with
with uh addiction wine and cooking
made it made a great combination yeah
my um you know i grew up being raised by
my uncle getting babysitted and watched
and uh
he was definitely an addict he died of
uh hepatitis b
and cirrhosis of the liver and uh you
know sharing needles and
and and drinking and this this guy would
wake up you know he'd wake up at you
know four in the morning and had to go
to the bathroom but he'd drink a beer on
his way to the bathroom
he'd he'd get up in the morning and have
a bowl of cereal
he'd be eating a bowl of cereal and milk
and drinking a beer at the same time
he'd take a bite and he drank his beer
he'd get a 24 pack every day and he'd
knock him out
you'd think that a 24 pack was for him
and a bunch of other people
that was his like that was like there's
a difference there when it comes to
socially drinking or
whatever versus like someone who has a
problem you know
i would buy wine four cases at a time
that's 48 bottles and i would buy
cocaine
an ounce at a time and i bought pot a
pound at a time
um the cocaine and the wine would not
last
but a little over three weeks and i
thought that was normal
my thinking had gotten so distorted that
um
that that was okay i'd hit a state of
denial
where um i would deny to myself
all the stuff that was going on around
me all the pain i was causing other
people
the pain i was causing myself the
destruction that that i was
wreaking on the world around me you were
talking about spirituality
um i don't know what spirituality is
okay um uh it sort of began i
i had studied the bhagavad-gita which is
of course the hindu
bible if you won't think of it that way
when i was in college and
when i was when they said you have to
find some sort of higher power and
redefine who you
are i thought well maybe there's
something there because i had sort of
given up on
my um i was raised to southern baptist
my grandfather would come and preach at
you until you turned
red in the face he'd tell you you're
going to hell and um
as soon as i could i left that story
behind but then that
see the trouble with that is i had
thrown god and religion out of my life
and so there was there was a vacuum and
the job was available and i applied and
what do you know i got it
all right then when i got in when i got
uh
into medicine medicine became my higher
power
i worshiped at her altar i did what she
told me
i gave my whole life to her i abandoned
my family
i abandoned all my hobbies and all the
other stuff outside of medicine
my top three priorities in my life were
my job
my job my job um
um and so that that having that void in
there
oh oh i i can't be god i can't play god
um as a doctor you know you think you
can play god but you can't
so i looked up uh i found a copy of the
bhagavad-gita
and i opened it up randomly and the
first thing it said is that the
spiritual pathway
is one of attraction not promotion all
right
and and and i went wow because that was
actually
one of the tenets of alcoholics
anonymous that's why it's anonymous
because i can't proselytize to you
you have to be ready and when your hand
reaches out for help
i have to be there to help you all right
um
so that led me to other sources of over
time
and i began to realize that spiritual
truth
is the same wherever you find it it
doesn't matter if you look at nagita
if you look in the dhammapada which is
buddhist if you look in
the books of matthew and john there is
such an
incredible wealth of spiritual truth in
there
and it all kind of focuses on on the
same
truth no matter what okay um
and and you can find it anywhere you can
i think every movie by steven spielberg
has some kind of spiritual message to it
there's a song by sting
that that it's the only living
englishman in new york i think and the
chorus is be yourself no matter what
they say
be yourself no matter what they say he
has to say it three times be yourself
no matter what they say because that's
so important all right
so once you open your eyes you need i
needed a new set of eyes
to look at the world around me people
well i've heard it said that all women
god made all women beautiful
if only i have the eyes to see it
well what i discovered was that the
world is perfect
just the way it is if only i have the
eyes to see it
okay um one of the
right what i believe is that is that
there is
uh i i don't think that there's some
some old man sitting on a throne just
someplace between neptune and jupiter
who throws lightning bolts out of the
side of the attis out of the
clear blue just because he's a mean and
nasty guy that didn't work for me
um if it works for you that's fine i
have uh cousins on both sides of the
family who are
deep into that and all that matters is
that it works for you
and helps you to have a fulfilling
creative life
so um i think there's some kind of force
if if there's an if you believe in cause
and effect if there's an effect there's
got to be some cause
okay there there there must be some
reason
people have argued for a long time why
there is something rather than nothing
all right so i postulate this force
which which is beyond my
understanding um i can't even balance my
checkbook let me tell you the nature of
the universe i don't think so um
but there is some force and and what
kind of what kind of characteristics
might it have in my limited
view well the first i was i was given
the assignment of
defining my own higher power that i
could relate to
it has to be something that i can relate
to um
in everyday life and these two words
popped into my head
now i had heard this term before but i
never really thought about it with any
um uh with any depth or effort
and it was the two words unconditional
love
all right and if that force of the
universe
was in fact uh unconditional love in the
broadest sense like i can
i can put to it then a whole lot of
things begin to fall out
okay then the the underlying nature of
this force
is love all right um
when i use the term god what i mean is
that is that love
is and i don't mean a romantic love i'm
talking about what what the christians
talk of as agape love for you
basically that i wish for you and yours
all the good things that life has to
offer and i don't want anything in
return
and it doesn't matter if i never see you
again right
that's the kind of love we're talking
about that you should have
all the benefits that the universe has
to offer so the other
the other things that must go with this
would be creativity
all right um kindness
compassion uh all those virtues that we
talk about
have to be embodied in that there there
is a law
that people describe as um uh
the law of likes which is which is that
um
uh you can only give rise to what you
are
for example giraffes don't give birth to
babies
um kitty cats don't give birth to
elephants all right
so if this with this uh uh
love if this if this field of energy
um uh is is pure and unconditional love
then it can't make anything
but unconditional love this
unconditional love flows through
something in here
and out through me and into the world
all right and then it's a cycle because
i it hits the other guys whoever's
around me
and it flows back in like a like an
electric circuit it flows constantly
and i can and what blocks that well my
ego blocks it
and my ego is driven by fear okay uh
and when and when i when i'm using it
really
clutters up that passageway i was dating
this really nice woman in dc she was a
poet and a
very nice woman and she had a lot of
trouble getting into the program
and the last night that uh that she
got drunk she went to a bar and closed
it down they poured her into a cab
and on the way back to her apartment she
she prayed she said god does this mean
we can't have a relationship and she got
an answer it's as clear as day what
sometimes happens
and the answer was no but it makes it
more difficult
the using the addiction the drugs the
pot
all somehow blocks the pathway so we
can't get through in order
to remove that i have to i have to
reduce my ego
to a much more normal size we talked
about the heart being shut down i have
to open the heart back
up the ego and the heart have to be in
balance but there is something i can
remember
when i was like 13 i was it just this
thought just came to me that on one side
over here
there's this devilish kind of thing
wants me to do bad stuff and over here
there's this
uh angely kind of thing that wants me to
do good stuff and they were arguing
back and forth but then way way in the
back there was something much more
strong and much more powerful
that just sat there like the buddha
smiling realizing
that these what these two were into was
absolutely
inconsequential all right um
uh in the in the time of the old
testament uh
god was yahweh i am who i am
and uh scholars will say that when jesus
came
um uh he shortened it to simply i
am okay the i am within me
that that thing in the back that's the i
am people call it the christ within
the buddha within the godhead uh any
number of terms but they're all talking
about the same thing i think
and that this is where all my virtues
all of my compassion
honesty come from and they pour out and
i can either
i can either let the ego run and block
them
i can let fear run my life which drives
the ego
if i can remove fear from my life um
uh it's it's very easy to be happy
um the buddha said um the secret to life
is to live without fear
all right um and what's interesting and
in the book of matthew jesus over and
over again says
says that that that the answer to fear
is faith
all right they say that in the bible
over 330 times the word faith and fear
are connected in the same sentence or
the same
paragraph and it turns out that that
faith
is the answer to fear um um
i was taught a prayer when i when i
first got into rehab
uh one of the things that happens is you
lose your chemical coping skills
and you have not yet developed
non-chemical coping skills and people
get very very angry
and i got very angry i was so angry i
was ready to drive my car onto the
railroad tracks and wait for the 310 to
show up
fortunately my roommates recognized and
took my car keys away from me
and a guy shows up in the apartment and
he says you've got a resentment
and i said no i don't and they said but
i'm going to tell you how to get rid of
it
so i'm going to teach you this prayer
and i said dude i'm not sure i believe
in god and i certainly don't know how to
pray he says
just shut up and do what i tell you
um and he said this is what i want you
to do say these words
every once a day for the next 14 days
and the words were simple
god i thank you for taking away my fear
and replacing it with the faith
that no matter what happens everything
is going to be all right
well being a good alcoholic if once a
day is good twice a day must be better
so i did it twice a day
and in about a week i had this terrible
resent what it was i had this terrible
resentment
against my partner because i knew he had
caused all of my problems
okay if it wasn't for him i'd have been
happy at home doing coconut one
um and i did it i did it for a week and
i suddenly realized one morning that
the resentment that was like this big
had shrunk down it wasn't gone but it
was down here out of the way and it was
no longer running my life
well i spent most of my medical career
as a scientist working in a research lab
and in the lab when you find something
that works you can't wait to try it
again
to see if it's reproducible um and so i
couldn't wait
to to as a scientist i couldn't wait to
try it again
and i did and it worked again and i
tried it again
and it worked a third time the prayer
the prayer
yeah yeah just like that um and i've
been
praying that was i'm not prayer is a
whole nother issue it's not what people
think it is
uh well it's not but it was different
types of prayers yes yes but but
when you learn how to do it they call it
scientific prayer
it works and it works all the time but
you have to know what you're doing right
it's like making making shoes or or
learning how to
how to do your multiplication tables you
can't just
go at it and expect it to work if i go
out to change my
flat tire with a hammer and a
screwdriver i might get it changed but i
probably won't
i have to know the right tools and i
have to know how to use them to get you
affected i want
so the prayer has worked consistently
for 23 years it has never
failed me i don't know of anything else
in life that
never fails all right i learned that i
can substitute
um uh obsession i i was take away my
obsession with that woman sitting across
the seat across the aisle there
take away my um obsession with drugs and
alcohol take away my
uh how i feel against this other person
over here my anger with him you know and
it works for all of us
the prayer for sure yeah yeah god i
thank you for taking away my fear
and replacing it with the faith that no
matter what happens
everything will be all right now god in
that in that sense
is what i think god is not what you or
what my grandfather
thinks god is but what i think it is and
how i relate to it
as as something of unconditional love
beyond my wildest
understanding yeah um uh
in the in the opening lines of the dao
de ching uh i would say
talk says that that which is the dao is
what that
which is called the dao is not the doubt
in other words
you can't name this this this higher
power because
even putting a name on it restricts it
to my field of view
right i can't begin to understand this
and in my worm-like fashion when i think
i got it clearly
i don't yeah well that's the beautiful
thing you mentioned
you know the old testament name of god
uh i am that i
am and i will be whatsoever i will be
it's like
yes i i am that to this person but to
this person
who knows me more deeply or knows me you
know these attributes of
me or it whatever you want to call it
consciousness of this
beauty of everlasting love uh we know it
in different degrees
you know it means something different to
you because you've been at the bottom of
the barrel and you know the god that can
go down that far some people you you
know a god of unconditional love
uh it's very similar to what we're
saying the christian christian
the christian god but other christians
would say that that god has conditions
that he only loves you if you stop
drinking
or if you stop doing coke or stop being
gay or whatever
they have these ifs and stuff and so to
to see that that unconditional
god which i believe is the true god i
don't think there's any conditions that
it puts on you now if you want to better
yourself and
get up out of your mess certainly
there's conditions that you must
hold in standards you must hold yourself
to but the love
from that creator continues to flow to
you
now your ability to receive that no
matter what
through your own layers of consciousness
that's that
that voice that's speaking to you and i
wanted to go back to that you're talking
about
um hey do this it's okay you can have
two drinks today no one would know
who would know they wouldn't know
nobody's gonna know two drinks man
you used to drink seven a day drink two
like that
that rational voice that's trying to get
you to do something
bad trying to get you to go go against
what you know to be your greater good
um what about but but you said behind
that
there's this buddha there's christ
there's that infinite love that says hey
you know you don't need it like i got
the grace for you like i've got all you
have to say the prayer and
you gotta quit thinking about it and
it's gone and there's something better
behind it like there is something better
behind the addiction there is something
better than that
how does that tie into uh momentary
pleasures
or what we kind of talk about delayed
gratitude
like instant gratification is like it's
never the answer
it's not it's always about delayed
gratification let me
put in work let me put in time let me
not take this pill that's going to make
me
happy let me let me develop beautiful
relationships and scenarios and do the
inner work that's going to keep me happy
it's usually not instant i think the
prayer brings in an instant
relief you know what i'm saying but you
know there's no like bad consequence
to that instant gratification so how
does that that the voice
and the instant gratification tie in
together
um oh i think that jesus is probably the
spiritual master of the world
um and some of his stuff that for
example in matthew and
john are just terribly profound and he's
as one you can't you can't serve mammon
and god
at the same time you can't pursue the
power
position and property and still
walk the spiritual path uh if that's my
priority
it's always going fade all right i got a
new car
it feels good got girls in the back i'm
people
wave at me all right well somebody keys
the hood the girls go
go away and the first first payment
comes due and what's happened i lost my
buzz
yeah i got high off of the buying of the
pride
but i lost my buzz and every material
thing that i go for
will do the same i have to have more and
more more i have to
outdo the joneses i have the ladder
he's got more than me i can't be happy
in this buyer's remorse
well no it's much stronger than that um
uh you can find the same message
from krishna from the buddha and from
law i would say the exact
same message all right this feeds back
into the idea
of dualities all right um john paul
sarkozy said that
hell can be defined as a belief in
dualities
um if god is this infinite goodness this
infinite
uh uh unconditional love then he can't
create anything that's not
also good and also wonderful
um that means that i have that in me
that means the world has that in it
okay he can create nothing good why do i
say good and bad
because i believe in dualities go back
to the go back to the garden of eden
have
adam and eve were just fine until they
ate of the tree of the knowledge of good
and evil
and when they took up and when they
believed in that duality all of a sudden
they were naked
all of a sudden they they would hide and
they were afraid
and when i when i have to get rid of my
concept of dualities
in order to find real serenity um
serenity is a mystic term it's also been
described as nirvana enlightenment
you know the peace the passive
understanding is what my mother called
it um but i can't live in a world of
duality
if i'm going to find serenity and my
goal in in
in recovery is not abstinence not just
not drinking
not sobriety where i go to the meetings
you know but
and and not just recovery which which is
essentially walking the spiritual path
my goal is serenity right serenity is a
state
where the past is not there's not a
millstone around my neck i'm not
frightened of the future
i'm living in the moment meditation and
mindfulness right in there you know
living learning to live in the space
between my thoughts
um uh i am it is a place of joy
and peace and of infinite kindness
and you can't hurt me there you can you
can
steal my car you can steal my woman you
can kill one of my kids
but you can't reach me there now i can
let things
i can let things take me out of my
serenity but then
but i work very hard for it i'm really
not going to uh let you do that that
which is why i limit myself to about
five or ten minutes of
the news every day because there's only
so much of that that i can take
and and my mind and my spirit are like a
garden
if i plant junk in there right junk's
gonna grow i don't go out in the
in the in our garden behind the house
and plant weeds and expect tomatoes to
come up
all right i have to get rid of the weeds
removing
removing all negativity from my mind
is is one of the most important things
in finding finding this serenity
um it took me six months
of constant vigilance some years ago to
catch
every bit of negativity as it came into
my mind
i'm not responsible for the thought that
pops into my head
i'm responsible for what i do with it i
can hold on to that thought i can obsess
on it
and being being an obsessive compulsory
an addicted person
i can really hold on to something or i
can throw it away
i get to cheer one of the one of the
joys of walking this pathway
is that i no longer have to respond
reflexively
my friend wayne cusses me out and i
slapped him upside the head
well today wayne cusses me out and i
take a step back and i go
hmm that's interesting i wonder why he
said that
i don't have to engage i don't have to
take the hook
i can step back and say hmm i wonder why
he did that
okay um and that requires that i
recognize negative thoughts
well negative thoughts come in many
forms i have to get rid of all my blame
my shame and my guilt um i have to watch
out for words like if only
what if could have would have and should
have are all forms of negativity that
i've
if i let those start spinning in my ocd
mind it puts me into a bad place
but i can recognize those i can remove
them
um and if all else fails i can say the
prayer
all right now so um
uh what is faith then all right that
makes the prayer work
for me faith was really simple i said
the prayer the first time and it worked
i said the prayer the second time and it
worked and over the years
every time i have said that prayer it
has worked
all right i have faith now that when i
say that prayer
it works yeah now i don't know what
prayer is i can i can
make some suppositions about it and i
don't know what the nature of the
universe is but i know that this thing
works i have faith that there's
something out there
that's responding to me and that was the
beginning
not not pie in the sky chariots drawn by
golden horses or whatever
the cherubs with with pink chairs with
with harpsich
no it's practical everyday useful faith
all right and and it grew into something
that said
oh no matter what happens everything is
going to be okay
all right and i'm 72 years old and in my
life i've gone through a lot of
a lot of stuff the death of my parents
death of my brother losing everything
that i had
and yet here i sit in my chair um
uh talking with you and everything came
out okay
i'm just fine and i and i have to
presume that if i lived another 72 years
i would be in the same place where
everything turned out just fine
today it doesn't matter what comes down
the pipe
i have answers for it all right i have
the tools of
of the spiritual tools that i've been
given i have friends who who are working
the same sorts of things
and i have um i have the space
that no matter what happens everything's
going to be all right
um one day i was out in the garden and
my wife came out and our car had a flat
tire on it
she got oh my god oh my god we got a
flat tire oh my god and i went i stopped
i put my hoe down and i
just walked over i looked at the tire
and i said well don't worry it's not so
bad here it's only flat on one side
so i did so i took the air pump out and
filled it up with air
and it held here we drove down to our
mechanic about three miles away
and he took took it off plugged it
filled it up with air
and 20 bucks and 20 minutes later i was
back in the garden
right it's like it's not the end of the
world because the tire is flat
it's just something that i'm taking care
of now and then
when that's done i go back to doing what
i was doing before
so there is a level where i can no
longer be interrupted
i can deal with anything right and
that's part of the phase as well
right so that no matter what happens
everything's going to be all right
i know that and i and i and because the
world is good
because um because it's essential
goodness that drives everything
when i see something i think is evil
it's only in my
eyes if i get the eyes that says that
the world is perfect just the way it is
i begin to understand first of all how
ephemeral
things are you can argue this you can
argue that you can get all
upset about politics it doesn't matter
in 100 years
none of that will matter okay i mean you
know take the long view
on my front porch i have a live's a
friend who i call fred
fred is the large sedentary rock okay
he's beautifully orange and he sits
there and as you can imagine
um fred's thoughts are very slow
takes a long time to have any sort of
conversation with him and he looks at me
and he looks at the world and you know
he's just it's okay i'm just sitting
here watching it's flowing right by
all right
the other the other how do you deal with
those with dualities well
what i was taught my good friend um
robert came into our apartment one day
and he says you know we've been trying
to get away from dualities
good and bad uh good and evil up and
down
um high and low right and left if i turn
around my left hand becomes my right
hand you know
i look in the mirrors the other way
around um and he said he
here's here's what i'm working on today
in life i have a goal all right
my goal is not it's not what i want to
achieve
but what uh how i want to live my life
and the goal never dies
all right my goal is to carry the
message that
that um living by spiritual principles
will solve all my problems
especially and including my addiction
all right
and so what so what robert said was that
instead of going good and bad let's go
more useful and less useful now that
only works if you have a goal
in making decisions like today i can say
well will this
decision in front of me uh if i decide
one way
will it take me toward or away from my
goal
imagine as an addict i have 300 bucks in
my hand i could pay the rent or i could
go buy a bunch of dough
well what's your goal if your goal is to
block to cut your consciousness out then
it's to go by the dough
but if your goal is to live the best
life that you can
and to be fulfilled as a person and find
love
everywhere then i go pay the rent so
having a goal
knowing what's more useful in terms of
taking me towards my goal and less
useful
um um
i think about uh a playground someplace
fence defense playground there's a bunch
of kids in there and
tom and joe are on this on the
teeter-totter mary's on the swing and
billy and bob are over here gang raped a
little mary and
um over the back somebody's shooting up
and further in the back um
three or four guys are beating a guy to
death with a with a baseball club
and um uh it doesn't matter
for the simple reason that when the game
is over
everybody goes home krishna said he who
thinks he kills is wrong
he also said he who thinks he is killed
is wrong in the end
all men and women come to me god sits
outside that fence and looks and goes
yeah
yeah all right game's over let's go home
now
the idea of hell is is of course a major
form of a duality
all right in this pathway there is no
devil
there is no hell and actually there is
no death all right
you remove the fear of death and life
gets very simple all of a sudden
um um
so that in the end now with your judging
god
let's say you had four children i have
four all right and
being uh an equal opportunity employer
half would go to hell and half would go
to heaven i don't know if you have any
kids
but you ask me which two of my children
i'm going to
send to hell and sorry i'm not going to
send any of you to hell
and as jesus said if you if your son
asks you for a piece of
a loaf of bread you wouldn't give him a
stone and you
being imperfect parents how much more
must your father in heaven
love you okay and jesus also said it is
not my father's will
that even one of these little ones
should be lost yeah
the force the energy that flows through
me um
is is is energy is never lost the force
of energy that flows through me the real
source of the i
am only can go back to where it came
the buddhists talk about a drop of water
who the drop of sea water who asks the
question how salty
is the sea and the answer is simple jump
in the ocean and find out
all right imagine if you will you're
standing on one of these beautiful rocky
coasts up in maine
and the waves come crashing at it and
by the way the ocean is the closest
thing to infinity that i can touch all
right
goes on forever right so this infinite
ocean
smacks up against these rocks and
thousands and millions
billions of little teeny droplets of
water go up into the air
um all of a sudden
i'm all alone i don't know anything
about me
i'm scared shitless and um
i don't know what's happening to me i
don't know my way around
and then after some long um uh
worry and and fearful existence i fall
back
into a warm loving ocean that was there
all along i just couldn't see it um
so i think that the basis of our fear is
simply
the false sense of separation from the
universe
from our god from our higher power and
that's that's freaky
all right and when i realized it that
i'm never separate from that
the this force this energy flows through
the entire universe
it is just as much in my coffee cup in
my in my um
uh hue as it is in me now i'm a
different life form
but it's just as much in everything
everything is sacred
everything is holy we're all part of the
same thing
um if god is in you and you are in god
and if i am in god and god is in me then
i am in you
and you are in me right pretty
inescapable if i hurt you
i'm only hurting myself and when i hurt
myself i hurt
everybody um if i do one little small
goodness for somebody else um i may
never realize how much goodness is done
and you think well you know i just
wasted my energy you know but what
happens
is that everybody to some small degree
is help because it that love radiates
out not just to this one person
so when i when i send a blessing out
um uh it's it's always returned to me
maybe not today maybe not tomorrow but
throw your bread on the waters and it
will come back to you in many days
i was at a aaa meeting down in
jacksonville and um
was walking across the courtyard to get
to the where we were having the meeting
and this woman comes out of the
on another pathway and she yells lynn
lynn you saved my life
you taught me about spirituality and i
went who the hell are you
well i used to go to to detox it and and
they would take away your clothes
because they were usually pretty bad
burn them and they would give you
surgical scrubs to wear and so i didn't
recognize anybody they look really bad
so without me knowing it i had affected
this woman's life
um uh when you do something good
uh you never know who it's gonna touch
all right
um i was given this this this thought
and it's it's really silly but it works
and it's called
great big yellow buttery balls of love
imagine if you will uh something the
size of a beach ball and it's yellow
and it's like the sun it's radiating
it's covered in buttery love it's just
dripping
all over the place and you like like a
beach ball you take it and you throw it
all right um if i am going to my
mother-in-law's house and i know she's
going to roast me on a spit
when i come up the driveway i throw it
now it's like a cruise missile because
you don't have to know where this person
is it finds them automatically
and it hits them splat right on top of
the head okay and it's so
silly it makes me laugh and that tension
that fear is broken somewhere
it's a great big yellow buttery balls of
luck what's funny is that it works
now why should it work well it works
because what i'm really doing is i'm
sending god's blessing
the blessing of the universe out to this
other person
all right i had a i had this friend who
who was he was really a mess he had he'd
been in the in the
uh in the war in iraq he had ptsd his
teeth were falling out he was just a
mess
and i helped him out a bit and we were
sitting on the front porch tonight
he was having trouble with his parents
and i explained the great big yellow
buttery balls of love to him
and he went and he tried it and then i
didn't hear any more from him for
over a year and he called me one day and
uh
he had developed some kind of really bad
neurologic disease and he
was losing control of his hands and feet
he had trouble having trouble breathing
they were he sold all this stuff and he
was going into it into
some kind of long-term short-term care
facility but he wanted to call me
and tell me that every time he felt bad
in all the situation he thought about
the great
big yellow buttery balls of love and it
made him feel better
so you touch another person you will not
know it in fact
i would prefer not to know it right um
uh i can do an immense amount of good in
the world
simply by uh trying to live a spiritual
life i drag other people along with it
it's it's inescapable yep it's a i talk
about the ripple effect
you know and um you know it happens both
ways it happens when you were
running dope and you were stealing and
lying and trying to get people to
shoot dope with you for the first time
you'll love it man or whatever
you know you having this impact that
they go out and they get other people to
start smoking dope and they steal from
their family and they
you know in this ripple effect that
happens and uh when you're doing bad
but it also happens when we're doing
good so to be conscious of
our actions and our words and and how
much uh
impact that we have in other people's
lives unknowingly
i tell you what i know you say you say
you try not to think about it you just
do it it is very interesting
to think about to trace it back and like
you know for me just facilitating you
know prayer meetings or
whatever i'm doing this podcast even
that you know hundreds of people are
listening to
that has an impact and they take it like
there's people who are listening to this
podcast and one
one for sure and this is one person i
mean there's thousands of people who
have heard this over the years
but one person heard this podcast he got
excited he loved you know he loved what
i was doing
so he started his own podcast now he
is having other people on telling their
story giving the message of hope
message of love and unconditional love
through god and things like that
now he's like because of what i did he's
starting to do it now he's reaching
people that i wouldn't
be able to reach and i i feel like
the gratitude from that obviously i'm
tracing that one
even if i if we never even branched off
from anyone else
even the people that he's reaching that
kind of branch off like
to sit in in that knowing of how much
impact
we have uh just by by living in our
truth
being true to ourselves and uh you know
being open and honest about our story
how powerful that is and how much impact
it has listen there's there's a lot more
people
who have started podcasts because of
what i'm doing
and who have you know said yes to
spirituality or said yes to their
purpose in life and
you know finding why they're here and
all of that stuff because they're
challenged and
now they they feel less isolated it's
it's amazing
to to think about there's no way i can
follow each one and even know
these are only the people that reach out
to you we're not talking about the
people who just kind of in passing
they're just inspired and take it with
them
it's very interesting to know that um no
matter what we do it definitely ripples
uh into eternity even what we don't want
is earth ripples into eternity yes i
absolutely
believe that because that's part of that
we're inherently
enmeshed in that so we cannot do
anything without having an effect that
ripples out
right like a pebble thrown into a pond
it's absolutely
sure i want to share two little
experiences that
that that may prove interesting i was
maybe a couple of months
over and we were going to this big aaa
meeting out by lake lanier
and we had this band um and on the way
home
we were sitting on the bench seat there
and and the driver john went around the
corner too fast and they
slam the two people next to me into me
up against the window you know
and at the same time these words were
shoved into my head just like a
uh hitting a carriage return on an old
typewriter driving the platinum
the platinum all the way across they
came in just like that
and and it was my voice but it was
stronger and more powerful and more
assured that my voice had ever been in
my head
and it said simply god does not want you
to drink
use drugs or kill yourself all right
now if the voice was coming from me i
would certainly have said
god doesn't want you to drink or use
drugs but the idea
of not killing myself was not something
i ever would have thought of
and in fact the night before i came went
to detox i seriously considered killing
myself i got my shotgun out
put some shells in it and i couldn't do
it all right so
that was that was very astounding
there's another another meeting i went
to well there's a couple things one is
that
um i was listening to a guy and he said
i have the disease of addiction
and i treat my disease with a daily dose
of spirituality
and i get my spirituality from two
places i get it from prayer
meditation and from going to my aaa naca
meetings all right
there's something in the meeting that is
more than the sum of its parts
right um there is a feeling and there's
a place where i don't have to wear a
mask i can be exactly who i am
and all of us are looking for something
and are sharing our pathway and
there's all kinds of like i said it cuts
across all demographics
and when when i leave there uh i almost
feel like i'm walking on six inches of
air because i've gotten this dose of
spirituality
and i suspect that when you well i know
when we when when
um uh i can call people on the phone
they're and then in the program or speak
with you or speak with some of the other
folks
podcasts that what's happening is we are
sharing this moment
of spirituality and it puts me forward
oh that daily that dose of spirituality
has to be daily
prayer is really good for a day bread is
only good for a day
the dose of spirituality is only good
for a day i don't understand that but
it's a recurring theme
yeah the other story um i was
at a huge meet 350 people and
um guy comes on i'm a teacher he says
i'm going to teach you how to meditate
today
i've been trying to meditate and you
know it just wasn't working out
one thing i was trying too hard and i
know other i didn't know what i was
doing the best i could come up with was
a little
hole a little bit of light about 18
inches away from my nose
much like the uh the see-through hole
in the in the door of the apartment of
the of the of the motel room where you
look through to see if the police are
coming right
not like that you know and he said all
right
oh he said don't get freaked out i'm
gonna turn the lights off return the
lights off
just sit straight up put your feet flat
on the floor and sit up straight and put
your head back instead of straightening
the chair
i said that's an interesting idea never
thought of that and
then breathe in breathe out because now
i'm going
to put on some music and it was a song
i'd heard since i've been growing up
my parents played when they got together
on sunday when i learned how to play the
guitar i played it
when i was a little teeny kid my parents
had dragged me to these churches in the
wild wood and they would sing it
and it was amazing grace which is of
course the story of a slaver
an addict who got sober who found the
life
and and when that happened um
all of a sudden that little piece of
life swelled up
and and grew and grew until it filled up
my entire consciousness
all right was i scared brother i was so
afraid
i did not know what was going on i was
afraid to breathe
i was afraid to move and and i just sat
there
and um when the um
sorry when
when the um music stopped it
vanished and i and i was feeling around
to see like all my parts still here and
i suddenly realized my fear of dying
had been taken away gone just never come
back
all right without that fear without that
basic fear
life becomes so easy i don't have to
worry about somebody's going to steal my
car
yes somebody's going to steal my
identity my stocks are all going to
crash
you know i don't have to worry about any
of that anymore so
that's the serenity that i'm looking
that i look for
um yeah you've been you've been
mentioning that
a lot this uh you know
um fear
and being afraid to die you know the
fear of death and
or whatever it comes in many different
ways and and also
i do believe in a um healthy fear but
you know no fear
you can be cautious you're gonna have a
you can not go out without a mask you
don't stand on the on the railroad
tracks when the train is coming you
don't pick up a rattlesnake
well the fear of um of a reverence as
well i think the word like
the uh you know like the fear of the
lord is the beginning of wisdom
the fear of the lord is that if god is
unconditional when there is no
that's that's a because that's a duality
god either loves me or he or
or he hates me i either love god or i
fear him
well i think the thing about duality is
the fact that they all exist within the
oneness though
it isn't that it's either here nor
with the way that i've been brought up
with the mental the neural pathways are
like
my father used to used to tell me we'd
go down a country road he said pick your
luck carefully you'll be in it for the
next 40 miles
and we make mental ruts when we run
these spots
over and over again and all i have to do
is get close to the rut and i fall in it
and i have 40 miles of this
oh my god and what i have to learn how
to do is to recognize those ruts and not
fall into them again
i see dualities um
i used to see dualities but i don't see
them anymore
all right dualities as shakespeare said
there is no thing
good or bad except my thinking makes
itself yeah well
it all exists on everything it all
exists again it's your
um you know it's your belief in it
you know that you know you say get rid
of the idea of good and bad
um i'm a good person and loved by god or
i'm a
sinner that is uh dirty and and filthy
and unrighteous and
you know like the two that exist within
the one
like to think that mankind is uh
inherently good or i am inherently good
or
i am inherently bad and those are two
dualities that
a lot of people hold to with with the
the
holding to a duality if that works for
you if
you're happy if you've got serenity if
you don't have to
if you're not worried about politics or
money or any of that stuff if that's
if that works for you but if you if
you're in a lie if you want to live in a
life where you're afraid all the time
you're afraid you're gonna
make mistakes um what if you commit to
sin for which there is no forgiveness
what is the sin for which there is no
forgiveness the sin for which they
and it's jesus said it was blaspheming
against the holy ghost well
how do you blaspheme against the holy
ghost well i'm going to tell you how
when you are deepest in your addiction
you basically turn away from the light
spiritually speaking life and light and
love i think of the same things
when you turn away from the light as
your addiction gets deeper and deeper
and deeper you are in the absolutely
blackest place that a human being can be
you are completely
turned away from the light and away from
the love the um
that portal for entry has been
completely obstructed
and because of that that spirit cannot
reach you
you are in a place where forgiveness
cannot find you
okay and someone has to reach out and
help you you have to say i need help
you have to be willing to turn and face
the light
um that is the sin for which there is no
forgiveness because simply
forgiveness can't get to you when you're
in that place
all right um uh
if if i believe there's good and bad
then i have to
see i embrace the entire world if the
world um
uh if if um
if the universe is good uh then then
um uh everything in it
has got to be good all right if god is
good he cannot create evil
like he gets like okay harmony
is the natural state of the universe
told it to my daughter she said dad you
know that's not true
well look at the universe these
galaxies rotate and there's perfect
harmony in all these and then
our galaxy rotates and spins and the
suns and the comets and the moon
move in perfect harmony um the moon
moves the earth moves around the sun in
a perfect harmonic motion
the moon around us go to the lowest
level nature
by itself is perfectly harmonic and
perfect harmony if we don't mess with it
that's called the ecosystem right look
at the subatomic level
all right um quarks go together to make
uh subatomic particles and in a perfect
union the subatomic particles make
neutrons and protons and electrons
and they span and they work perfectly
all the time and the
atoms combine with the molecules um
um to make life as we know it there's
medically speaking there's even a system
in the body
which tends to correct anything that
goes wrong and it's called homeostasis
so the only place in the entirety of the
universe
where harmony does not exist is in the
mind of man as he looks around
looks at the world around him because he
is driven by fear
the universe is essentially good
everywhere my job is simply to see it
can i walk when i look at somebody
across the room and he's
he's got a scraggly beard and he and
he's got an old black switch
t-shirt on he's covered in tattoos i can
go boy that guy's really a scumbag you
know
but once i know who you are once i look
beyond the outside as to who is
inside i cannot but love you because you
are goodness
what's on the outside because the
camera's a damn i think that's an
opinion because like to some people i
because to some people i am a scumbag
and probably delightfully
quite rightfully so well they have
experience
parts of my personality that doesn't
mesh well with them
and i am a scumbag i'm you know what i'm
saying like that's
true that that is their truth the way
that they see me there's no
nothing you can tell them to change
their experience i just
have to take care of all the problems
of all the people in the world i cannot
be um uh
all to all people all that matters is me
and you having this conversation i don't
care what your boy thinks of you
i don't care what that's got what the
pro proud boys think of you
but what the ankita thinks of you
on the back of my counselor's door and
said um
what other people think of me is none of
my business
i don't care what they think of yeah i
remember agree with you on that
that's fear i remove that from you think
of me whatever you want
because i know who i am i think we need
to
objective look at ourselves sometime
though like what if
everyone you meet is like dude this dude
is a scumbag especially when you were in
your addiction
like what because some people are like
fooled by their own thoughts i'm good
just the way i
don't have a problem it's like no you
have a problem dude
you're pissing people off you're
stealing from your family you need to
change
you know what i'm saying that's
something yeah but see like we said you
could tell me i need to change but until
i decide i'm going to change will make
any difference
all right and true in in my in the
depths of my addiction i was not a
pleasant person
walking on this well you know but that
was my behavior and i am not my behavior
i am the i am which is the essential
goodness of god
looking through me my body is made out
of clay it's imperfect it will never be
perfect
see i think that my brain is the thing
i'm with you on that and i like i'm with
you on that and i like to focus on that
but i i do feel like to do
i do think that duality exists but it is
a oneness there
like they go together you can't have
calls with
you can't have a yen without the yang
and they're both beautiful
like the depths of your addiction you
got through it
now you can look back and help people
like you have a passion
with an example give me an example of a
duality
and i'll help you break it apart well
again i'm going to break it apart with
you because i think that they coexist
they complement
that one doesn't exist without the other
so they have to go together
um but i think i think beauty is an
example
of a duality that bothers you a duality
that
well that's the thing they don't bother
me you know what i'm saying but i think
that uh i think that
we i think that we as humans i do think
that god creates evil or i guess what we
would call evil something unpleasant
you know alcohol and then we consume it
or whatever then we have we make
something beautiful evil
it's only in in the eye of the beholder
so i think that um
not just i choose to see goodness
everywhere i do too
i can see goodness and if we have the
ability to create
both though like we have the ability to
create
beautiful art or we have the ability to
you know create something really you
know
destructive and tear people down and
troll people on the internet and create
create a blog that tears people down
like
we have that ability to create
or to destroy i think that a true god of
the universe is a creator but also a
destroyer and we're made in that image
like so we have to be aware of the
goodness
and the beauty in those kind of things
right because we have that power
you know we have to like we have to
mindfully do do good
we have to mindless mindfulness stay in
the moment you know
people say there are three kinds of fear
all right there's a fear that i won't
get what i want
there's the fear that i'll lose what i
have and the worst one for addicts and
alcoholics i'm afraid i'm deathly afraid
that if you knew who i really was
you wouldn't like me and every behavior
that you've described
uh splashing paint on the wall of
throwing bubble gum a little susie uh
any of those
are based on one of or other of those
fears
and if i choose to live without fear if
i work very hard
to drive fear from my mind no longer
am am i driven in my thoughts and my
speech and my behavior
by fear all right um
and the fear i think comes from the fact
that we feel we're separated we're all
alone out here in the wilderness and
there's nobody to help us
and oh my god that guy's gonna gonna um
uh do something terrible to me therefore
i have to do something to him
first you know every every bad action i
think if you think about it
and dwell on it you'll see that they're
all fear fear-driven
yes that that's we we do things that are
less useful
or more useful but it's but for me to
judge good or bad
um i can i can watch uh i can
uh i i drive a uh subaru it's 28 miles a
gallon
uh my truck um only gets 15 miles a
gallon
so uh but that's a measurement all right
that's not a judgment
i could judge well my truck is better
than your sueb i can pull a trailer
and um uh haul all kinds of farm stuff
around in it
but you look at the souvenir it says
well for comfort and for ease and for
joy of driving on the highway
this is definitely a better car they're
only better in terms of the goal you set
for them
i decide whether that's good or bad it's
all in my head
the world is good just the way that it
is if i perceive
evil if i perceive negativity it's
because i've decided
in my head ahead of time that that's
negative
i can decide that it's all part of the
oneness and the oneness supersedes
everything everything exists inside the
oneness
nothing can exist outside of this field
of love because
it's that's that's impossible it can't
exist outside
so everything you see my glasses
reflection off of your glasses
uh the purple background is all inside
the love of the universe
and light begets like all right that's
that's a given like begets
like if i have negative thoughts in my
head negativity is coming out of me
if i put positive thoughts in my head
positive
positive things speech uh words action
all become more positive and so which is
which is
which is evil let's say let's say i say
50
50 f-bombs an hour or i say 10 f-bombs
an hour or i say one f-bomb an hour
which is good and which is bad
it doesn't matter no way after that is
therefore right so every behavior you
can think of
um well certainly there's an up and a
down right yeah
okay we just tell the movie gravity
right where she's floating around
without any gravity to escape the
gravity of the earth you only have to
get 160 miles up
so the entire rest of the universe there
is no up and down
only here in this one little bitty area
okay
um sure diseases come
but that's because our bodies are
imperfect they're made out of clay
all right um everything about me except
from
except for that spirit is made out of
clay
it's really important to realize that i
am not the thoughts in my head
okay i am not my body i am the i am i am
not the thoughts in my head they just
pop
up and i get to decide what to do with
them meditation
i am told is living in the space between
those thoughts and realizing that that
is is reality i feel like that's
crazy i feel like if everything was all
good then we wouldn't even have to
mindfully
you know have to you know meditate or
it's like i'm
not going to think bad thoughts because
i by nature
i'm a good person and only good thought
what is the goal in your life that makes
you want to think bad thoughts
um i think it's just you're gonna get
even with somebody
you're gonna um uh uh take advantage of
somebody
you're going to uh express the the the
uh
the um uh your your bad opinion of
somebody else what
what is the goal of holding and
expressing negativity
it just you know depends yeah i don't
know
there's not one it's i want my goal is
to find serenity in this life
okay um just like i need
a new glass i need to i need to have the
eyes to see that all women are beautiful
and they are once you start
thinking that and looking at them you
can see the beauty of every woman all
right
um uh i need
the eyes of meditation to see through
the trappings that are around me and
realize that
there is no thing good or bad except my
thinking makes it so
i put the spin on everything coming out
of any white house
an event will happen and they will put
their spin on it
and then that react that becomes the
reality for those people who believe it
they choose to believe it because
they're afraid yeah
right i just see the beauty in both of
it though i see the beauty in the choice
even you know what i'm saying like that
i get to choose love that i get to
choose
because i can i can simply choose death
i can simply choose chaos
and disorder but the fact that we get to
choose i think is
is huge we do have the ability to create
evil and
and tear people down and that kind of
stuff and i'm with you we should never
choose that
in any i don't think there's any
scenario where we should
you know but just the duality
they coexist together to think that this
was a you know
we you know it's a utopia right now or
um
whether we have to lie to ourselves
again the addict or the jerk
who thinks that he's just telling people
like it is because
because it's the truth and you know and
going around telling everybody about
their flaws
and stuff in his mind yeah he wants to
hold that thought that's fine by me i
don't care
i don't care what he thinks of me you
know i can see that
behind all that negativity in fact he is
a child of god just like i am for sure
love it of god just like i am and
because of our fears
um we make mistakes we do things um that
we
that aren't as useful as otherwise
yeah now i'm with you because i'm i try
to see the good i try to
spin it and make it good as well listen
he's living his troops man
yeah yeah now it's really important to
remember that what works for me
is not going to work for anybody else
not one soul in the universe
will find his answer in my answer i can
only hope
that by sharing my experiences and some
of the ideas that have been given to me
um they will find something that's
useful well
i am not the author of anything
everything comes through me
all right when i write or i play my
guitar and sing
it is not me who is doing these things
it is that love and kindness flowing
through me that does these things
and in fact i can by moving the ego and
the heart out of the way and letting the
i am flow through
i can ride that wave okay i can
i can what when i write i i close my
eyes and try to shut down my ego and the
words come flying out
right my job then becomes to edit them
because i'm not very good at
transcribing
okay i was in an aaa meeting one time
and in those days i carried a notebook
around with me to take notes and
this poem came through my head it came
so fast it was 12 lines
and it came through my head so fast and
i only got two and a half lines
it's a great two and a half lines but
it's um
uh jesus said that i do nothing by
myself it is the father that doeth the
works
the um the idea of um
this field this force field uh you can
find
uh the opening lines of john where it
says uh in the beginning was the word
and the word was with god and god was
the word and everything that came
came from that came from the word this
is exactly what we've been talking about
spiritual truth
is the same everywhere you look at it
you have to withdraw the trappings
there was a woman called julian of
norwich who lived in the in
england back in the uh 1300s wrote a
book the first book
known to be written in the english
language by by a woman
and she talked about having visions of
of jesus she had 12 visions and she
wrote them down
and one of the things that that she
mentioned was
that uh when god looks at the world uh
we
we don't see we say good and evil but
when god looks at the world he only sees
good this is the vision she had all
right
um but interestingly she
everything else when she wrote this
every other sentence was by the
blessings of
of of the savior and the wonderful of
the mother church
and you know in the in the wonderful
wonderful life of the mother church i
saw this so you have to
extract the eyes that she was looking
through to get at the truth behind
you have to extract um all the things
that
that people thought jesus should have
said from what he actually said and get
back to the to the bare truth
and then begin to understand them um uh
there's an excellent book i would
recommend to anybody who really wants to
to get a handle on this and it's uh
called
the sermon on the mount by him at fox
where he takes the sermon on the mount
and he breaks it down um uh one of the
ideas is that jesus was it was an
absolute revolutionary
and one of the ways you can tell if it's
really his words because he turns the
world upside
down no the old in in days of old we
we hated our enemy and loved our
neighbor but no not now now we love our
everybody in the old days it was an eye
for an eye and a tooth for a tooth
no not now in the old days we stoned a
woman caught on adultery
no not down in the old days a woman had
five husbands he was just
emphema you know no not now
and those ideas uh suddenly they just
take on this immense
if there was a book that saved my life
that was it okay
uh interestingly it came out the same
time that the that the big book of
alcoholics
came out alcoholics anonymous came out
back in the 30s
um there's every you can find spiritual
truth anywhere
you want and what what gets me i mean if
you're doing if you're researching you
find the same
uh uh phenomena in three different
places you tend to believe that it's
probably true
and when i find the same truths repeated
over and over again
in medicine for example if you read an
article at six months old
it's already out of date because it was
sick it took it took three to six months
for it
from the time the authors began writing
up the results sending it off having it
go out to peer review
coming back and then get in the queue to
be published it's already out of date
but spiritual truth never goes out of
date timeless
always the same from the time the
shepherds were
tending their flocks by night and asking
the same questions you and i are asking
right now
it never goes out of date so i find one
little thing and it
uh temporary truth will be wrong
tomorrow but these kinds of truth will
never be wrong
it's the most fascinating stuff i've
ever studied
100 well lynn man i've enjoyed our talk
i've enjoyed our dialogue and discussion
your story's been amazing uh for people
who want to uh
tap into your work and check out your
book and your counseling and everything
that you do where's a good place for
people to check out your work at
well linville in meadows is is you can
just simply google that
um i have a website that describes the
book the book is called a spiritual
pathway to recovery from addiction
a physician's journal of discovery it's
available on amazon and all over the
place
the website about it is a spiritual
pathway to recovery no spaces or
anything
i have there's a blog there as well
which i invite you to
there is another website called the
answer is recovery where i
look at um the uh
what the disease is how do you approach
it
um how do you start to get sober how do
you keep yourself sober and
um how to learn about spiritual
principles
oh just there's a just as a code when i
talk about spiritual principles i'm not
talking about pie in the sky
i'm talking about um honesty
kindness compassion and if you bubble
down
boil down all the virtues and spiritual
principles you can think of you come up
with one
and you can find this one spiritual in
every religion of mankind it is
everywhere
and it's simply that i should do under
the under my neighbors what i would want
to be done to me
if i want to be treated with respect i
have to treat you with respect
if i want to be get honesty from you i
have to treat you with honesty
and that is a simple it's amazing
i would never have believed how well it
actually works
for sure i'm with it lynn thanks so much
for coming on man i really enjoyed our
talk we'll have to do it again brother
i would love to dude thank you so much
maybe come visit me up on the mountains
hey i'd love to i'm wrong about your
your your farm and and everything that
you have and i love
music as well so it'd be awesome yes all
right
thank you for having me it's been a real
pleasure thank you lynn have a good day
brother thank you
bye-bye many blessings linville meadows
ladies and gentlemen
great talk um spirituality
and uh finding your spiritual path to
overcome addiction
whatever that may be spiritual recovery
huge make sure you do that um
i want to um let's see here
share this video uh in a moment
where about my
upcoming
program this is what one of the students
said i'm going to bring this video up
but
man um
one of the things he talked about
problem solving skills is what i heard
you know when when people are confronted
with the problem ever
some people panic you know we do
you know everything's going good until
you get a flat tire his wife
freaking out got the flat tire his wife
started freaking out wait wait it's easy
all you
don't go get this screwdriver in the
hammer
it's aired up take it 20 miles down the
road
get it fixed boom it cost us 20 bucks or
whatever
and it's fixed versus like some people
get get that flat tire and it's the end
of the world
and i think that everybody
has their own problem-solving skills um
and some people are better at solving
other problems
than other people are and what and i
think that most of the time it's through
experience
it's through even studying that or um
how many of us can stay mindful to stay
in the moment when we do
experience something that is difficult
in our lives and not
freak out um you know i think we get
better at that
i think that responding to those those
moments of uncertainty
responding with love is definitely how
you pass those tests i think
um when things don't go your way when
someone is slandering your name or
bringing up you know speaking about your
character falsely whatever it may be
there's you know
across the board scenarios but um
and there's people who are better at
other things and for some of us it's
you know financial things for some of us
it's
um spiritual matters and so you would go
to a
person who has great problem solving
skills when it comes to spirituality
or religious understanding or whatever
it may be you have to find
seek out that person whether it's a
teacher whether it's a coach
or whatever so that um problem-solving
skills and developing those
developing problem-solving skills and
you know like he said the addict
the addict doesn't really have good
problem solving skills because the the
answer for the addict when times are
uncomfortable when things are rough when
things aren't going good
the answer is the bottle the answer is
the the pill it's the
instant gratification it is you know
whatever it is versus doing what is
going to make you feel better
and help you in the long run and so we
need to seek out those
um those things in our lives that that
help us have
delayed gratification that that are
going to continually it's going to be
like the gift that keeps on giving
and it is spirituality is spiritual
practice it is
connecting with the creator through uh
infinite love i don't think that it is
ifs or conditional love it is definitely
unconditional and um and people can can
get
you know uh both of those ideas from
reading the bible you can read
about a god who has conditions and jesus
says if you do this and if you do that
then this happens then this happens i do
believe that there's things that we can
do on our part
that trigger things in our lives like if
you do this then that happens obviously
the sermon on the mount and all of these
things which he's talking about
but understanding that there's an
infinite love and you don't have to
that loves you if you are a drunkard
that loves you if you are a jerk or
whatever the case is but i think it is
that love and it is that grace that
once you experience the yellow
balloon or ball of love and gratitude
once you experience that then that gives
you the ability
and the gas or the fuel to uh to change
and having to change on your own without
that we everyone needs help
everyone needs somebody sometimes y'all
remember that commercial
so ever we all do and to understand that
you are connected
with that infinite power with that
infinite source no matter what you've
done
god is not mad at you there's an
everlasting love
that loves you like you are you know but
has given you the ability to change
has given you the grace and the power to
change you don't have to clean yourself
up
to be loved you don't have to clean
yourself up to be accepted that's the
message of christ man
and uh and that message radically
changed my life and i know that there's
countless people listening who
have had that experience as well and if
you haven't uh
just uh invite you to just take a moment
and just to focus on that love to focus
on that peace listen we
we have the school of the mystics we do
live prayer and meditation every
thursday night
and uh you can be a part of that if
you've never experienced it that is
definitely the goal
uh through the conversations and through
the meditation and through the prayer is
just to engage that
lynn said that there was a a prayer that
he had to pray
every day and every time he prayed that
he prayed that he
instantly felt that that release and
that relief and that instant
um uh uh love
you know that we're all connected and if
there's anything that that stands in the
way it's
only within our own imagination
we become enemies of god within our own
mind we think that because of what we've
done or what we've created or what we
said or what we've thought that we could
never be forgiven and that's a lie
and so let that be our reality let that
that truth ever change you and ever
bring you into this
the depths of searching out that love
that it gets deeper
and deeper and deeper so much so lynn
talked about being in an encounter where
he just
was overwhelmed with that beautiful
radiant
white light during meditation listening
to um amazing grace
maybe that would be a great way to start
off our prayer tonight our prayer
meditation
close our eyes focus on that amazing
grace
um i've experienced it many of you have
through meditation through prayer
through being mindful and then boom it
happens
euphoria bliss god's love god's energy
just overtakes you
that energy that light i do feel like it
is washing us it is ever cleansing us
listen we we are carrying our burdens we
are carrying
our you know ailments and things like
that but it is when we release it when
we allow
god to take it off of us and god is
willing
that energy the love of christ is
willing for you to experience that
and uh and that's what this podcast is
about you know to talk about
this stuff uh talk about problems but
you notice that everyone has a solution
and that's what i want to know what's
working for you
what helped you what is helping you
right now get through this pandemic what
is it
you know and i think that the more we
talk about that the more
ways we find that we have different ways
to cope
and for me here a little there a little
there's many ways
that we just add how do we cope this
this comedy
love laughter friendship spirituality
reading you know they're so making music
like there's so many different ways that
that helps us to maintain our peace
family making memories you know um
and to champion that to keep it going
keep doing it
so for you what's helping you
and i'm gonna keep doing it find out
what works
and keep doing it there's a question
here drock
talks about why do some of us
self-sabotage
and how do you stop it what does that
mean when we go out of the way to harm
ourselves or
others why do we self-sabotage
and how do we stop um
i think the first the first thing
to recognize to stop it maybe comes from
the aaa stuff but to realize that you
have a problem
to realize that you're doing it you know
for because there's people who
self-sabotage they don't even know
they're doing it
but the fact that you
um you know it
you notice it you see it's a pattern
you see it's a pattern and then you stop
you can catch yourself that's the first
thing
is to be mindful and to understand
and i've definitely seen you know those
patterns in my life and uh and
and and they tr and i try to kind of
slip back into them
whether it's a mindset or not caring or
whatever
that comes right before that
self-sabotage
to stop to back out to do whatever to
hey
i said i was going but now i changed my
mind or whatever
and listen and i definitely have
have you know been a victim of my own
mentality and why do you do it so we
want to get to the
reason why they're definitely through
trauma through her through not feeling
worthy or accepted um i think the worthy
is a part of it um
there's there's so many reasons why you
know i think a lot of it is like
for me it's been building something or a
platform or a consistency to where
everything's going good but you're so
used to
a life of confusion a childhood of
confusion of instability that once
things are stable in your life
you unconsciously
do something to mess up that stability
oh told you nothing ever works out i
told you
whatever like we all have these weird
excuses that we uh
you know we tap into so figuring out
what that is and catching yourself
chris garner says we all have different
why's there are so many wise
but the first thing about stopping is to
realize that you've done it or you're
doing it
and then when when you realize that then
you can feel it coming back on
because everything works in patterns and
you can catch yourself
you can grab your hands hold on i'm not
doing it this time i don't did it too
much
you know whether it's people getting too
close into your life
um and once people get close you burn
those bridges and you run those people
off
you know that that happens a lot you get
so many
uh you know get friends or whatever or
get somewhere in business i got you know
people who start new jobs every you know
two months they
they pull out or they don't go to work
like that's a that's a good one like the
per you know people who keep going to
different jobs like
they want to call in to work they just
don't feel like going in
catch yourself listen i can't call in i
just got to show up
i gotta keep going i can't call into a
new job
i got a friend he started a job on his
first day
first day of his job he goes to the job
he works three hours and says
oh i have a uh appointment at the
chiropractor
that i have to go to the chiropractor i
go see him every monday
he comes to work for three hours and say
i gotta go to the chiropractor
on your first day like that doesn't look
good you know what i'm saying like
and then every monday or you just look
for reasons and
you got to check yourself man and it
really is coming out to know yourself
to know that self know your limits know
yourself know your worth
know what you can and can't do is a huge
part of stopping
the self-sabotage knowing yourself
because you can catch yourself and see
them destructive patterns that you're in
and you can adjust it childhood trauma
is definitely most common um chris says
but i want to play this video this is um
and i'll answer some more questions let
me know if anybody in the chat
has any questions or want me to talk
about anything just let me know we'll
we'll be on here a few more minutes and
uh
we can talk about whatever answer
questions or
whatever it is so i'm gonna um
play this video here of my friend's
testimonial from um
my path of the healer program because
i'm we're we're getting ready to
relaunch it in february for those of you
who are wanting to be a part of this
program it is an eight-week
program where we're training people to
do one-on-one sessions with individuals
to do counseling
to find out your purpose and to walk in
it if you feel drawn to be a coach
spiritual counselor reiki master
intuitive healing
whatever that is if you feel called to
do that
um i'm gonna train you in it uh we're
gonna go through
the first four weeks is working through
your own trauma
we mentioned the childhood traumas it
really is focusing on
your own childhood trauma inner healing
and whether that's dealing with finances
which is a huge part we deal with that
we deal with reasons why you're
unqualified
we go through it all and then we teach
you
how to practically do this stuff to how
to tap into intuitive healing
how to do a one-on-one session with
someone how to do a
um guided meditation how to do a
free consultation with the client to see
the if you're a perfect match how to set
up the website
how to get clients how to work on this
stuff and we work through the practical
stuff on the back end as well starting a
podcast
putting out content on youtube starting
a blog that's effective that gets in
front of new people on google because
they're searching
the topics that you bring to the table
really holding your hand through this
process and teaching it all
so if you're interested in this just go
to truthsega.com
and at the very top you will see a image
that says the path of the healer program
it is an eight-week program it is an
investment
um there are different payment options
if you want to be a part of it but
i want to play this this um testimonial
here that i've been getting back from
some of the students and
uh i'm gonna play this one for my friend
v and i've got so much more that i want
to bring to the table with this
and um i'm gonna play some of the other
ones uh when i get them uploaded but i'm
getting some of the
testimonials back but here's a v's um
experience um my name is v
and i wanted to just kind of do this
video
to let it be known uh to truthseeker
and anyone else really who might be
watching i was the kind of person
still kind of am kind of coming out of
it um
very private um very
timid very shy um
not real comfortable in my own skin
and knowing truth seeker all this time
about two years i think it is and you
know i didn't have the opportunity to
work with him directly
but being in the community the mystic
community
and taking part on the thursday night
calls and then
doing his path to heal our class um it's
been
it's been like so wonderful and i have
on a ton of makeup as you can see so i'm
gonna try not to cry
but um i've been able to finally step
out into
who i know i'm supposed to be um
i that was a problem for me most of my
life you know i knew i was always
different
and i tried to search for the element of
family
and i never really had it especially in
church you know so
i spent a lot of time alone in a lot of
time you know really
not understanding who i am and what god
has it for me to do
and you know you may wonder how does
listening to a podcast help you find
that
well because he touches on a lot of
things
that nobody else wants to talk about
through these podcasts and through the
thursday night meetings
and through the class you know there's
this this feeling of comfort this
feeling of family this
knowing that you yourself are not the
only person
that's out there in any type of
spiritual community
that is alone there's family there's
it's okay to be who you are it's okay to
be who god called you to be
and if you don't know he's like that
accessible
to ask this class alone
i've learned how to step out into who
i'm supposed to be
two years ago i would have never had a
website talking about
uh healing sessions and spiritual
healing and um healing cards and things
like that
two years ago i would have never been
able to tell people
um about the gifts i have and you know
just really be me
two years ago i just would have been in
a hole by myself
um wondering what the hell is going on
like normal but
thank you derek so very much um for all
that you've done i know that
like i said i haven't had a chance to
really one-on-one personally connect
with you but you have to
know that since i've been in your
ministry and in your class i've grown
personally my finances have grown
my confidence has grown 100 percent um
the relationship
in my home has grown between my husband
my kid and myself
and you know we're my husband listens to
you too so it's pretty cool
but we're comfortable with who we are
and we have learned how to communicate
with god so much deeper and so much
better
and we've just learned how to really
love and what love looks like through
people
so i wanted to give you that we love you
here in this house
and i thank you so much for what you've
done for us
my friend v thank you v um
again man it's it's been such an honor
launching this course and uh working
with individuals
um who said yes one thing about
self-sabotage and trying to create
something for yourself is that we say
yes we got to say yes right
but we have to keep saying yes we have
to keep showing up a lot of us will
say yes and we'll show up but then we
don't continue to do the work
we'll say yes to something else like i
said yes that i was going to start this
website
i was going to start this blog and do
this and we do it for three weeks
and then well my friend wanted me to
join his podcast so i'm not starting my
own i'm
starting his and we're talking about
baseball cards i don't know how is that
conducive to
what you originally said yes to so you
got to be you have to
you know you have to keep that vision in
front of you you have to remind yourself
you got to write it down and
and find yourself when other people are
pulling you to do other things and i
still get it because
being so creative and so many ideas i
want to do it all listen i want to start
a gaming podcast i want to start this
i'm going to start that one i want to be
in a band again i was in a band it was
so fun
i can't do all that i don't have enough
time you know i have to figure out what
it is that i'm creating that's going to
serve me
later that delayed gratification and
keep building upon that
even when you don't feel like it even
when the newness is wore off
because for all of us all of this stuff
the newness wears off i don't care what
it is i don't care if it's spirituality
i don't care if it's christianity i
don't care if it's astrology that you
got into eventually
when something's brand new that newness
wears off
and are you going to keep showing up are
you going to stir yourself up are you
going to keep your spirit in are you
going to keep your heart in it
whatever it is to continue saying yes
and that's what the class does it
teaches individuals to do that
um the testimonies to see someone like v
step out coming from the church realm
you know being scared to even speak her
truth on social media
for fear of judgment from church family
and and
immediate family and those things when
you start talking about these things
that you're into that you can
say yes and and be authentic about what
you believe in
that's huge huge and if that is all if
that's the only thing that this course
brought to the table boom it's worth
every penny
that i can be authentic and say yes to
who i am to be comfortable in my own
skin
around whoever wherever i'm interfaced
with this is my belief this is who i
am this is what brings me joy and i
really don't care how it makes you feel
and if that's all that it did then it's
worth it but it's so much more than that
v started her website
she just got her first client she's
working on one-on-one sessions she's
doing meditations and all of this
not only v we had nine students show up
and all of them have made huge steps and
huge progress
in their life and i tell you not all of
them join to become
spiritual healers or to do a healing
business or something like that a lot of
them
join because they believe in my work and
they they wanted to be a part of what
anything that i'm doing
and so whatever i put out they're going
to be a part of it because they believe
in the message and they believe in
my authenticity so they wanted to to
partner with that
and so even to see them the people who
joined it maybe even thinking that they
might start a business
other people's again joined i'm not
going to start a business but
everything that we taught was applicable
for every
area of your life when it comes to
intuitive healing when it
comes to how to pray how to see in the
spirit
that transcends and and reaches to every
uh part of your life everywhere that
you're gonna go you could take that with
you
to your own manifestation practice we do
that
all of it to manifest whatever it is
that you see
inwardly the true you your destiny your
vision get clear on it
and then we work on manifesting it
that's what it is so
the cv step out my friend jeffy stepped
out got his first client and pretty much
paid for the program through his first
client he's still getting more and more
clients he's doing guided meditations
he's doing uh destiny cards and
and all of that stuff and he's he's
stepping out going live on facebook
going live on youtube
and going live on tick tock which is
killing it
on tick tock you know hundreds of
thousands of views
videos going viral and it's all
conducive to his work
the spirituality to manifestation and he
got his first
client was 500 bucks his first client
was 500 bucks and it pretty much paid
for the whole
eight week program so if you're
interested in that um
i want to make it available because i i
haven't been talking about it a lot it's
just out there
people really have to reach out to me
about it but i wanted to share
these story and in the coming weeks jeff
sent me a beautiful video
a couple other people sent videos and
i'm gonna play those on the podcast
because i know that
you know people listening on the
podcasting apps they they don't really
get to see all the stuff on social media
and then algorithms don't share it out
and that kind of stuff but
if you're interested go to
truthseeker.com it's an eight-week
program
you can sign up there if you have any
questions you can jump on a call with me
i'd i'd love to talk to you and answer
your questions and uh if it's for you so
with that being said uh i'ma say peace
and shalom i know i can keep going
uh so much for us to talk about we're
going to keep going
today what is today the 14th uh my
birthday will be this sunday i'm
thinking about doing a live stream
sunday night for my birthday we'll see
um but it's it's uh it's gonna be fun
either way
got family coming in town this weekend i
believe so really cool
so with that i'm saying peace and shalom
check it out truthseeker.com
patreon.com backslash truth seeker we
will be live tonight
with prayer and meditation if you need
prayer for anything
make sure that you tap in with us the
first hour will be public the second
hour is behind the scenes with the
community
and uh join us any way you can so with
that peace and shalom
and i will see you guys very soon peace
peace
well that does it for this episode folks
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